


Fall Quarter — Thor

by daphnomancy



Series: The Mighty Fighting Elephant Seals of UC Monterey [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Depression, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Multi, Past Jane Foster/Thor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-02-22 19:35:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 42,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2519330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daphnomancy/pseuds/daphnomancy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor is starting as a slightly older Junior Transfer Linguistics Major at UC Monterey. He escaped from his overbearing father and is trying his hardest to start over both in his academics and his life, which was fraught to say the least. The computer assigned him to live in Gauss House, where he will meet a ragtag group of hallmates, including the overworked, but kind of cute RA, Steve, who always seems frazzled around Thor. With all these factors, Thor wonders if he can make it through the next two years, and graduate without incident.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Room 301

**Author's Note:**

> This story is told from Thor's point of view and there is a concurrent story told from Steve's POV right [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2455673/). And you can find them both within "The Mighty Fighting Elephant Seals of UC Monterey." The chapters do not exactly match up (ie: chapter 3 of Thor's POV just briefly mentions something that happened in chapter 3 of Steve's), but they follow the same general timeline. There will also be three sets of stories for the whole series (one for each POV for each school quarter, ending with Spring quarter). Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy this fic.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor arrives at UCM, and meets a very cool Rhodes, and a very frazzled Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story follows along with "Fall Quarter — Steve." They have the same timeline and weave in and out of each other, but probably could be read alone (but why would you want to?)

Thor Odinson held his duffle-bag up above the heads of the other people on the bus, trying to squeeze through without knocking into anyone. He towered over all the other passengers, easy to see, and they slowly made way for him to pass through towards the front of the bus. He gave the bus driver a quick nod as he passed, and stepped out at the foot of the very large hill that was supposed to be where his dorm was, dropping his bag on the ground. It was morning, crisp though the sun was bright and clear in the sky, and Thor ran a hand over his face to try, mentally willing himself to wake up. He had spent the last night on a Greyhound bus, only to be dropped off at a bus depot to take a special shuttle into the woods and onto campus, which was an awful thing to do that early in the morning. He was exhausted.

He thought back to the night before, and his departure from his home and it did not make him feel much better. His father had said something scathing that Thor could not quite remember, only knowing that it put him in a dark mood as he stepped out the door into the night and into the waiting cab to go catch a bus. Bileyg Odinson was not a man to cross, and Thor knew that walking out that night to pursue Linguistics of all things — not Law, not any of the sciences — was almost asking to be cut off from the family. Loki, his brother, had offered to come back from his graduate studies and give him a ride, but Thor declined, not wanting to put his brother out. He was starting to regret that now. What could have been a few hours turned into an all-night, bumpy, baby-screaming bus-ride. His back and neck hurt from the weird bus seat, and his ears was still ringing from the noise of the passengers.

But he had the keys to the building he was living in — Gu-ass? Gozz? Ga-uzz? Thor was not a hundred percent sure on the pronunciation, which was embarrassing to his Linguistics studies — and in that building was a bed just for him in room 301. Just up the hill.

 _That’s not so bad,_ he thought looking at the hill. What did the admissions lady on the phone call it? Cardiac Hill? _Strange name,_ he mused, as he heaved his duffle bag onto his shoulder and began to climb. The first few steps were fine, and then it steadily got steeper and steeper. Thor was crippled by the hill, taking small, puny steps, weighed down by his bag. He was panting and he looked up and realized he was not even halfway there. He kept going, up, up, up Cardiac Hill, breath ragged in his chest, and forever cursing himself for not getting a ride from his brother. When he reached the top there was a bench, and he pulled himself towards it and collapsed, out of shape, and ready to die. His legs were shaking. What was going on? Why was this hill there? Who had done such an awful job planning the campus? What was he doing? He had made a huge mistake. He closed his eyes to the awful glare of the now menacing sun; the light tore through his eyelids malevolently and pierced him through to his very oxygen deprived brain, and he lay huffing and wheezing on the bench. His heart was thudding in his chest like a ticking time bomb.

“You okay, man?” A shadow appeared above him, and he opened his eyes to look up at a tall, fit man with dark skin and buzzed-short black hair. He had a messenger bag slung over his shoulder with a small patch reading AFROTC.

“I don’t know.”

“That’s why they call it Cardiac Hill. You get used to it, trust me,” he held out his hand. “Come on, walking it off helps.” Thor took it, and was pulled up to standing, suddenly towering over the man. He was used to this, he stood a good three or four inches over everyone, and the man in question did not seem phased, which was more than could be said of most people.

“Where are you headed?”

“Gu-ass House?”

“Guass, rhymes with ‘house;’ after the scientist. All the buildings here on Science Hill are named after famous scientists. I live in Galileo, which is across one of the mini-quads from Guass. There’s also like Descartes House and Leonardo House.”

“Ah.”

“I’m James Rhodes.”

“Thor. Odinson.”

“Welcome to UCM. I have a feeling you’re not a freshman though.”

“No. I’m a transfer student. The main building for us is full though.”

“You’re probably better off. This side of campus is a little calmer. I like it a lot more.”

“Except for the hill?”

“Except for the hill. You get used to it. Girls appreciate it. My butt will probably never look better.”

“So which one is Guass?”

“Just up here. I was looking at the roster, it seems like a fun bunch. I know the guys from one of the rooms already, and your RAs seem okay. Well Nat does. Steve seems a little uptight.”

“Well, I’m just gonna keep my nose down and study.”

“Well, Tony Stark’s in there. You could probably bring a whole strip club into the building and no one would notice because Tony’s blown something up. He’s crazy. It’s his goatee…” James trailed off, a look of mild horror on his face.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Well yeah, I’ll see you around.”

James waved, and started heading down the hill, and Thor pulled his bag up from the ground once more and walked to the entrance of Guass House.

 

 

The halls were empty. He trudged up the stairs, still slightly winded from Cardiac hill, but slowly feeling more human as he made his way up to the third floor. His slow steps echoed against the walls of the stairwell, turning to dull, slow thuds as he reached the top. He went down the hall, reading the room numbers, passing 304, 303, 302, which had the plaque for the Residential Advisor, and was about to bring his keys up to 301, but the door was already opened, propped with a doorstop. Inside the room sat a young man, with broad shoulders, and short blond hair, hunched painfully over a book and laptop, typing away.

Thor rapped his knuckles lightly on the door. The man jumped turned around very suddenly, looking at Thor as if he were a mountain lion, or even a lion-lion, face startled.

“I think you’re in my room,” Thor tried gently, afraid of startling the man in the chair.

The man stared, and because of the angle Thor had to squint a little as the sun shone in his eyes from the open window across from him, near where the man sat. He was well built, though not at large as Thor was (but Thor had not met many people who were). Thor imagined that when the man relaxed his face he was probably a little more attractive. There was something about the man’s jaw that Thor was particularly envious of; a straight-edged firmness that Thor would not have minded on his own face. It was the reason Thor grew a beard, not because he had a weak jaw, but he self-consciously got it into his head that it lacked definition. 

“I’m pretty sure this is my room,” Thor tried again. The man blinked and looked affronted.

“No, no. I’m the RA here. This is my room.”

“I thought the room with the RA plaque would be your room then?” He tried not to sound frustrated, even through his exhaustion. The man looked a little twitchy.

“This is the room with the—“ He paused. Thor saw man’s face drop as he bolted upright and ran to the door, and Thor quickly stepped aside to let him pass through, backing into the hall.

“There’s no plaque.”

“No. There’s one on that door, though,” Thor replied, pointing towards room 302.

“Oh my god,” said the man. He looked pale, and Thor watched in real-time as the blood left his face entirely. He did not understand the problem, really. It was an honest mistake. The man did not seem to think so however, as he dashed back into his room, grabbing his keys and practically tumbling over to room 302. His hands were almost shaking as they pushed the key into the keyhole. The key worked and Thor heard the man give a small wibble as the door opened with an ominous creak.

Then the man swore. Very loudly. Very crassly, in fact. Thor jumped at the sound of it, and it rang in his tired ears afterwards. He was slowly reaching the point of being hungover with exhaustion and the weird man was clearly overreacting. He ran his hand over his face again, stifling a yawn.

“It’s alright. I don’t care. We’ll just move the stuff. We’ve got all year.”

“It’s not that. My boss is going to kill me, and—“ Steve went on to explain a weird situation with a man named Mr. Fury, and a nice, fun room, and being an RA. Thor knew that it was probably very interesting, and obviously very important to this person in front of him but he just wanted to go to sleep. The only way to do that was nod sympathetically and say,

“Well, RA, I will help you get this room fixed up.” Because really, what else could he do?

“You will?” The man’s eyes lit up like a puppy with a treat. It was strangely endearing.

“It would be my pleasure.”

He dropped his bag down in room 301, and began putting the man’s things in a few boxes and lugging them across the hall. Thor found a small stuffed Elephant Seal with the blue and red sweatshirt of UCM, and brought it over, setting it gingerly on the man’s new nightstand. They made the executive decision that there was no way they would be able to make the bed as nicely as the man had it now, so they lifted the mattress off the lofted bed and switched it with the plain one in 302. Always one to do the job right, Thor began moving the posters to the new walls, trying to get them in sort of the same spot as they were on the other side of the hallway. They had finally finished, and Thor did the only thing that made sense and fell down onto the beanbag chair on the man’s floor. He was about to close his eyes and fall asleep right there when a voice from outside called out,

“Fury’s coming!” Thor saw a red-headed young woman peer at him for a moment before darting back down the hall. This was a weird place, he decided.

Suddenly it was weirder. A tall, threatening looking man in a black leather jacket stood at the door, appearing out of nowhere. Gaze stern as he peered around the room.

“Not too bad, Rogers.” _Rogers? Please god let that be the poor man’s last name. How unfortunate would it be to be named Roger?_ Thor thought meanly to himself. He did not want that to be the jerk who thought awful things about people’s names, but he was just so tired that his dark inner monologue was coming out. He also was not one to talk, being named ‘Thor’ after all. “How are you settling in, Odinson? Find your room okay?”

Thor did not know how Mr. Fury knew his name, but did not want to ask. “Oh yeah. Just getting to know my RA,” he heard himself replying from a far-off part of his brain that was not shutting down from lack of sleep.

“Thor here was supposed to live in the transfer student hall, Rogers. They ran out of room, so he’s getting the single across from you.”

“Oh, that’s good.” From down the hall a din rose up the stairwell. It was the freshmen arriving. “That’s them,” the man confirmed. He looked downtrodden as he stood up. Thor rose with him though all of his body told him not to. Mr. Fury had disappeared as quickly as he had arrived. The man and Thor walked towards the hall. “Thanks for helping me out. Sorry I took your room.”

This was it. He was going to be able to go lie down and sleep. He grinned. “It’s no problem man, really.” Thor stuck out his hand, because he was not raised in a barn, and the other man reached out and shook it. His hand was warm and comforting in Thor’s and Thor felt the very muscles in his arm relax into the quick handshake, like a soothing balm on his exhausted body. Thor then headed into the room, giving the man a quick thumb’s up before closing the door behind him.

He then unceremoniously flopped down on the bed, kicking off his shoes with his toes, not even bothering to start unpacking or switch on the light. He felt the cool, comfortable grip of sleep tugging on his mind when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He groaned and pulled it out, the light from the screen bright like the sun, burning his retinas. It was a text from Loki

“Settling in, alright?”

“Finally sleeping. Last night awful.”

“Don’t fuck up your sleep schedule. Meet anyone yet?”

“ROTC guy and RA.”

“And how was that?”

“ROTC guy was nice. RA was twitchy but…” Thor did not know what he was going to write there. There was a ‘but’ in his mind, but he could not figure out what it was. “…but he was alright too. I liked him. Didn’t catch his name.” (He refused to believe his first name was Roger, there was no way).

“That’s good.”

“Let me sleep, please?”

“Talk to you later.” There was a weird kissy face at the end of Loki’s text, but Thor did not want to parse that out, or ask how he made his phone do that.Thor put his phone down on the mattress and closed his eyes, fading fast. The last thought he had as he finally fell into blissful sleep was that _yeah, I do kind of like that guy._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Beta read her? I hardly know her!)


	2. Arma Virumque Cano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor heads off to his first morning of classes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • "Arma virumque cano" are the first three words of Virgil's Aeneid. I took the classics, and am basing Heimdal loosely off of one professor I had who spent an entire hour and forty-five minute class talking about those first three words. What a doozy. That's probably the only similarity between the two professors, but it's too good a story not to tell.  
> • Nat, Rhodes and Thor are going to be good buddies. Wait and see.  
> • I keep interchanging James Rhodes as either James or Rhodes, but they're the same guy. I'm just inconsistent.  
> • Chair by the lefty desk...

The orientation week was something Thor had been really looking forward to. After two years out of school, even the tedium of paperwork, rules, and question and answer sessions was a welcome change. It was the beginning of Thor’s new beginning. It was an easy groove to fall back into as well, especially now that he was taking classes he actually liked in a school his father did not force him to attend. He went to the transfer student orientation, and the Science Hill orientation and the Guass House orientation — he saw the RA he had met before, Steve Rogers (thank god he had a normal first name), but the man seemed too stressed and frazzled trying to go over the rules with the nervous freshmen, so he did not talk to him. Thor had finalized his schedule, and was starting to get emails from his future professors, with lists of books to get and things to read ahead of time.

It was wonderful. He dove into his readings with gusto, and every time he got even the slightest bit bored, he thought back to the last time he was in school, studying Pre-Law and hating his life. This was a relief. And he had already had a great conversation with one of his professors, and was to be doing some tutoring for him for a little extra money. It was the exact opposite of his life before, and he could not be happier. He texted Loki nearly every day telling him how well things were going. The difference in his life was night and day.

His first class, Latin 102, was at 9:30 on Monday (and Wednesdays and Fridays), and he packed his bag and shot out of the dorm an hour early. He was about to head over to the classroom when a voice called out to him through the warm September air.

“Hey, Thor!”

He turned and looked and saw James Rhodes and the small, red-headed RA, Nat, waving at him as they stood in the mini-quad. He walked over to them with a smile. The air was still summery and warmed his skin as he passed through under the trees and across the brick courtyard.

“Good morning,” Thor said with a grin as he reached them.

“You’re not heading to class already? We were about to grab some breakfast.” Nat said.

“I just wanted to get going, I don’t know where my class actually is. Don’t want to be late.”

“Where are you heading?” James asked.

“Humanities Building, room 204.”

James and Nat’s mouths both opened in big smiles instantly. “You’re taking Latin too?” Nat chirped. “So are we!” Thor nodded, giving a small laugh.

“Eat breakfast with us, then we can all go together.”

“Sounds great.” Thor said, beaming. Things were turning out wonderfully already. And he had forgotten breakfast, so the timing could not have worked out better.

They walked intoto the dining hall together, chit-chatting as they got their food from the buffet line (french toast! Thor had not had french toast in years, and ate four pieces easily). Thor found out that James and Nat had both been taking Latin at UCM since they were Freshmen, even though James was an Astrophysics Major. They compared Latin classes at UCM, versus the ones Thor had taken in high school, and how it fulfilled his language requirement for Linguistics.

“Professor Heimdal is tough, but cool. Very literary.”

“Literary?”

“Yeah, photographic memory, and has read every book so he can recall all these weird factoids and draw conclusions that you would not be able to reach unless you lived to be a thousand years old.”

“That sounds…”

“Intimidating,” Nat said. “But he’s cool. Really cool.”

“I don’t know, all my classes just focused on grammar and translating.”

“Well, we do that too. It’s crazy, he’ll go on and on for ages about one word word and whatnot, and then out of nowhere ask you what the form of the next word is, and you’re so wrapped up in what he was discussing that it just throws you, because you were like ten other books away from what you’re actually reading by the time he’s done.”

“That sounds…”

“Super fun! Don’t worry!” she said. “It sounds scary, I know, I know, but you’ll like it.”

“Besides,” Rhodes said. “We’re reading the Aeneid this quarter. Chances are we won’t even get past the first line today.”

“First three words, tops,” said Nat nodding.

“You think so?” Thor asked.

“Aeneid’s like his favorite, and if you sit with him during Classics Happy Hour, he just might start up on it. I think he even did a presentation at like, Yale or some place on the first three words. I’ve heard part of it. _Arma virumque cano!_ It’s very dramatic.”

“I believe you.”

“Right!” said James, checking his watch. “Time for class. We should head out.”

They walked through the campus, and Thor was so pleased at how amicably things were moving. These were not like the Pre-Law students he knew from before. UCM was not nearly so competitive a school, so he would have guessed that the Pre-Law students here would be much, much nicer. This was a complete new world, nestled in the hilly woods. They walked through the dappled, shaded paths of the campus, and Thor breathed in the warm, autumn air contentedly. Things were starting to feel _right._

They stepped into the Humanities building and up the stairs to their room, and settled down in the classroom. Nat pointed out the best place for them to sit strategically, near the door, closed to the front, but not obnoxiously so. James introduced him to a few other members of the group; all welcoming, all smiles. There were a few offers of study groups from the get-go, and Thor’s notebook became filled with phone numbers to plug into his contacts app.

Thor was joking with a large, bearded redhead when the door to the classroom opened, and a sharply dressed man with dark skin and piercing blue eyes. All chatter stopped. He met Thor’s eyes, and Thor was certain the man was staring directly into his soul. It was daunting. The man spoke at last, tugging his suit jacket down and leaning up against the table, crossing his long, thick legs in front of him, folding his arms against his chest. The class was pin-drop silent, hanging on his wordless glance around the room.

“I am Professor Heimdal,” he said at last. He then took a deep breath. With a great, deep, booming voice he began; “ _Arma virumque cano!”_  

Nat turned and grinned at him.

 

 

“Well, we’re heading downtown to get our books from The Ragnarok. Like, around 2:00? Want to come?” Nat asked at the end of class, after pointing the way towards his next destination, Hahn Hall.

“The what?”

“Ragnarok Books. It’s an off-campus bookstore that some of the teachers use instead of the one at campus center.” Nat said.

“Anyway, come with us. We’ll show you around,” James said.

“Yeah, sure. That’d be great.”

He headed off towards Hahn Hall, pulling out the campus map from his bag as he walked. He followed the winding path through the woods — _woods! Forested woods! On campus!_ He loved it. — And came out the other side to see a cluster of buildings, actually near the base of Cardiac Hill, according to his map, but he was still a little turned around. He walked around towards one of the entrances, pulling his phone out of his pocket to make sure he was not late and BANG!

The door slammed into his shoulder, throwing him back a few steps and into the sunlight beyond the awning. He saw stars for just a moment from the shock of it, and blinked in the bright light from the sun above before hearing the culprit say;

“Oh jeez, I’m sorry!” Thor rubbed his shoulder as the man stepped out from behind the door.

“It’s quite alright.” Thor tried to school his face into something less sneery and confused, but was certain it was not working. But he glanced back at the man and saw that it was Steve standing there, face turning red, staring at him as if there was something terribly wrong. Thor wondered briefly whether or not his nose was bleeding or some other thing was the matter. Looking at Steve, the pain from his shoulder dulled a little and he smiled, “Steve, the RA. Hey man.” It was always nice to see a friendly face.

“Hey, Thor. What are you doing here?” Steve looked stunned still, like a rodent in headlights. _Calm down man,_ Thor wanted to say. _It’s cool._ The man looked mortified in front of him, and Thor could not guess why. It was not that bad an accident.

“I have class here,” he said instead. “11:10. This is Hahn Hall, right?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve stuttered. “You’re right where you belong.”

Thor was about to head in, but stepped to the same side as Steve. _Oh no._ He tried the other way, but Steve did as well. They flitted around each other for a while, Thor feeling stupid, before they finally figured out how to move by. Thor fumbled, bag nearly slipping of his shoulder as they turned, and looked up and saw Steve’s face was bright red. He felt himself biting his lip as they started walking away, knowing he must have come off as incredibly dumb and oafish.

“Well, later man,” Thor tried, giving a lame thumb’s up before retreating into the lecture hall.

He put his stuff down on a seat near the front center aisle, carefully moving one chair over to avoid the lefty desk. He flipped up the desk and put his head in his hands and groaned, feeling idiotic. He sat back in the chair, still warm from whoever was sitting in it before, and pulled out his notebook for the lecture with a sigh.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Beta Read? Is that a new translation?)


	3. Sushi and Phone Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor finds out more about Steve, and then talks to Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • I'm trying my hardest not to make Thor's chapters kind of weird filler, but failing miserably. Hopefully more real content vs. expository conversations will happen soon.  
> • Thorgi Aragorn Wigglebutt is my favorite character. If fanart ever is made of this fic (unlikely, I know), I want it to be of T.A.W. This is my ultimately goal in life.  
> • I like Loki. I imagine that without the being a deity/royal he'd be fairly normal and level-headed. He probably got out all his angst as a teen, so he's now a normal Ph.D. student... if there is such a thing.

“You were right about that other RA by the way. Steve? He’s pretty uptight,” Thor said, sitting down to lunch with Nat and Rhodes after their classes. They had taken the bus downtown for the second time that week, simply to get off of campus for a few hours. They were eating sushi and planning on grocery shopping afterwards. It was still warm, and they had just had their first quiz, and Thor thought he had done pretty well. “His key still works in my door, and he came in on me and was just so like ‘Gaah’ about it, I thought he might have an aneurism.”

“That sounds like Steve,” Nat said concentrating on picking up a piece of sushi from the large center platter with her chopsticks. “Although I figured he’d just apologize and head out.”

“I don’t know. He’s a weird kid,” Thor said.

“Well, he’s just stressed out. The freshmen on his floor are pretty needy. And he does shit for the student paper or something. And wasn’t he doing baseball last year?”

“Yeah, and he’s fast-tracking, which is nuts for a Pre-Med,” said Rhodes.

“Fast-tracking?”

“The guy’s been taking extra classes since Freshman year.” 

“Why?”

“To graduate early. He’s a junior with senior status. We were lab partners for organic chemistry—“

“Why were you taking organic chemistry? You’re Astrophysics.”“Same reason I take Latin and Mandarin, I’m well-rounded.”

“You take Mandarin?”

“I’m telling a story, Nat! Anyway, lab partners, organic chem. This was last year, sophomore, and I swear to god, on top of organic chemistry, which is a nightmare, he was taking five other classes. Like, you know, you take three classes a quarter, you graduate in time. By dead-week, I’m not joking, I thought I was going to have to take him to the hospital. He was just crazy studying. Not eating. It was really intense. He literally said he could not stay here more than three years. He and his mom just didn’t have the money.”

“Christ,” said Thor. He had stopped eating, reminded of something. Steve’s story struck him as uncanny. He remembered being a student before, studying law. Thor had experienced the manic stress from studying; specifically from studying something he did not like. He had push and pushed himself until finally he cracked, and dropped out. He wondered briefly if Steve actually liked Pre-Med? Was the way he supposedly pushed himself worth it? “Poor guy,” he finished lamely.

 

 

Thor, Nat and Rhodes started the long trek up Cardiac Hill with their bags of groceries. Thor’s mind was not quite with the other two as they trudged up ahead of him, chatting while he followed in silence. Part of this was because of Cardiac Hill. He was still not used to it. But the other part were his thoughts that kept bouncing back to what the others had said about Steve. It had just hit a little too close to home. He said goodbye to Rhodes, who went over to Galileo House, and then Nat as she broke off at the second floor, and headed to room 301, stopping briefly to glance at Steve’s closed door. Was he there studying now?

He set his groceries down on his desk, and started unloading them into his small cabinet and mini-fridge, mindlessly. He did not know what else to do, so he pulled out his phone and called his brother.

“What?” Loki answered. There was the sound of shuffling papers on the other end.

“Are you busy?”

“Always. You don’t get a Psychology Ph.D. through lethargy. I’m about to head off to do a lab with volunteer pysch students. The death knell sounds for them, and them alone…”

“Can you talk like a human, please?”

“Is this a linguistics question?”

“Loki…”

“Thor,” Loki drawled on the other end of the phone, accent sounding slightly through his voice. Thor wondered if perhaps they had not spent his developmental years in England if Loki would sound more American. But then, Thor did not sound entirely American either. The product of moving around the world all his life. Thor heard something like a yip on the other end. “Whoops,” Loki said, voice suddenly pitched high. “Sorry, not you, Thorgi. Who’s a good boy? Want a cookie?”

“I still can’t believe you named your dog after me.”

“It’s my professor’s dog, and frankly much less annoying than you are. I should have named him something dignified like Aragorn,” his voice got high in the receiver. “Or Wigglebutt. Whose wiggling their butt? You’ve got a stubby tail, yes you do.” The sound of excited yips at the other end echoed into the phone. Then Loki’s voice got serious. “So why are you calling? Is everything alright? Are you—“

“I’m fine. I just want to talk to my brother.”

“Right then. About what?”

“I— I don’t know.”

“Well then this will be a short conversation.”

“There’s this guy. My RA.”

“I don’t think I’m who you should be discussing matters of the heart with.”

“Gah, no. Not like that. It’s just— he’s— ugh. He works really hard. Like the way I used to work really hard. Before. Back East.”

“Oh, I see.”

“I was just thinking—“

“You were worried that what happened to you might happen to him.”

“Well, maybe. He’s a nice guy, underneath all the tense, you know?”

“Listen, Thor. I’m not sure about this person you’re talking about, but what happened to you is different. It was situational yes, but it wasn’t just a stress related breakdown. There’s genetics at play, and well, shock. You were experiencing something closer to PTSD, honestly. Everything that could have happened did. It was your workload, the pressure from Dad, and then my adoption and the accident with mom whi—“ Loki stopped himself and Thor could hear him sucking in a breath. Thor’s shoulders had tensed the moment Loki mentioned their mother, and silence fell between them on the phone. Thor bit the inside of his cheek, trying to breath normally, looking out the window at the forest, trees swaying peacefully in the breeze.

“Sorry,” Loki said at last.

“No, it’s alright,” Thor lied.

“It’s not, though.”

“It’s not.” They were quiet. The trees still swayed.

“But I don’t think what happened to you will happen to this fellow you’re talking about,” Loki said at last.

“Yeah, I guess. I just…” he trailed off.

“You’re too nice, Thor. That’s your problem.”

“I’m not nice. I’m a mean, old man. I scared some poor freshmen in the dining hall the other day.”

“Well, you’re very tall.”

“And I think I scared Steve too.”

“The RA?”

“Yeah. His key works for my room too. He came in by accident while I was changing. He looked like he was going to die.”

“Were you naked? Because if so, I can understand. I’ve seen you naked. It’s hideous.”

“Says you, pasty.”

“Hey, that’s offensive. I prefer pearlescent.”

“I wasn’t naked. I just didn’t have my shirt on.”

“Well,” Loki said. He hummed a little on the other end of the line. There was something just every so slightly… _lewd_ about it.

“What was that? That little hum?”

“I’m sure it was nothing.”

“You hummed it. You hummed the hum. What was the hum?”

“Now you just sound ridiculous. I was just humming. There’s just a diddy stuck in my head, or some such nonsense. Listen, I’ve got student lab rats to intimidate. Are we good?”

“Yeah, yeah I suppose so. Thanks.”

“No problem. Anything for you.”

Loki hung up and Thor was left with the phone in his hand. He tossed it on the bed with a sigh, scratching the back of his neck and waffling with what to do next. He pulled his box of recently purchased cookies out from his cupboard and set them on his desk next to his laptop and began checking email and settling down to review his notes for Advanced Semantics.

He opened the window, and the breeze from outside wafted in. The smell of the sun-heated redwoods slowly filled his room, better than incense, warm and thick. He turned to look out the window once more, and watched the trees cast splotchy, dappled shadows on the building and ground. He was so happy to be here. Things could be, and were once, much worse.

He still worried about Steve, though. Not as much as before, the conversation with Loki put his mind at ease, but the worry was still there, sitting in the back of his thoughts, like a low, lewd hum.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Beta read? Is that a linguistics question?)


	4. Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor meets Tony for the first time. Taylor Swift happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • I do not own "Love Story" and am making no money off of it. It is also a very happy song and I love it a lot. Don't judge.  
> • Thor drinks hot cocoa on the reg, pass it on.

Thor striped down and wrapped his towel around his waist, grabbed his bath bag, leather Dopp kit, and a pair of briefs and a t-shirt and headed to the bathroom. He had finished his work, and was heading to shower early. Thor chalked it up to being an old man, but he was looking forwards to getting into his pajamas and reading his book in bed. He even had packaged hot cocoa, and god knows where the night could lead from there. He glanced across the hall, but Steve’s door was closed, with a little “I’m in class! Leave a message!” placard on the small whiteboard by his room. But the door to 304 was propped open and Thor saw Peggy and Pepper, who he had met during the house orientation meeting, poke their heads out as he passed. Pepper gave a low whistle.

“Good evening, ladies,” he said with a smile. They giggled back and gave him a small wave from the door. He chuckled, and turned the corner into the bathroom. He was about to head into a shower when he heard Pepper shriek from the hall.

“God, Tony! Gross!”

A shorter man with impeccably trimmed facial hair darted in, nearly bumping into Thor. He was absolutely naked. He was also surprisingly sober. Or perhaps he was just a very odd drunk. Thor could not tell, but the little man peaked out of the bathroom, before turning around flinging the stuff for his shower over his shoulder and heading into one of the three stalls, sauntering footsteps heaving on the tile.

Thor got into another stall, making sure to put a stall between them, just in case, and hung his towel up and began to shower. The knobs squeaked as he turned them and he dodged the first spray of cold water and waited patiently for it to warm.

“Hey, are you Rhody’s friend?” The man called out across the shower dividers. It clicked in Thor’s mind instantly then. 

“You’re Tony Stark.”

“I am. You must be Thor. The big, hot guy in the Latin class. I’ve heard about you.”

“‘Big guy in the Latin class?’ Well yeah, that actually just about sums it up.” Though he thought on the other members of the Latin class, and Volstagg was probably the largest, but Rhodes probably did not mean him. Thor did not acknowledge the other adjective Tony had said. There was too much to unpack there. “Is that all you’ve heard?”

“And that you have a lovely singing voice.”

“What? Why did James say that?”

“He didn’t, I could just tell by looking at you.”

“I do not know how to respond to that.”

“Listen to your heart. Are you a more of a baritone or tenor?”

Thor waffled between asking what Tony meant or ignoring him, which would have been only an act of self preservation. Dealing with those who were obviously not entirely sane could be dangerous. That goatee did not scream sanity to Thor. But then, Thor suspected Tony probably didn’t have a mental breakdown several years ago. Sanity was relative.

Thor put his head under the stream of water, so at first he was not sure what he heard coming from the other stall. _“We were both young when I first saw you. I close my eyes and the flashback starts: I’m standing there on a balcony in summer air.”_

Thor listened, slightly horrified as Tony continued to sing.

_“See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns. See you make your way through the crowd to say ‘hello.’ Little did I know…_ Thor, I know you know the words, if you’re not singing along by the next verse I’m coming over there.”

_“You w-were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles.”_ Thor started, blushing alone in his shower stall, voice cracking slightly in the steam.

“Confidence man! We’ll do it together!”

“ _AND MY DADDY SAID ‘STAY AWAY FROM JULIET’ AND I WAS CRYING ON THE STAIRCASE BEGGING YOU PLEASE DON’T GOOOO!”_

Thor took a deep breath, and began belting along with Tony, electrified by the goateed man’s passion, teasing the idea of trying to sing louder than him.

_“ROMEO TAKE ME SOMEWHERE WE CAN BE ALONE, I’LL BE WAITING; ALL THAT’S LEFT TO DO IS RUN. YOU BE THE PRINCE AND I’LL BE THE PRINCESS, IT’S A LOVE STORY BABY JUST SAY ‘YES!”_

“Thor! Let’s duet this mother!”

“ _So I sneak out to the garden to see you.”_ Thor started.

_“We keep quiet ‘cause we’re dead if they knew.”_

_“So close your eyes!”_

_“Escape this town for a little while! Oh oh!”_

_“‘Cause you were Romeo — I was a scarlet letter. And my daddy said ‘Stay away from Juliet’”_

_“But you were everything to me, I was begging you please don’t gooo!”_

_“AND I SAID, ‘ROMEO TAKE ME SOMEWHERE WE CAN BE ALONE. I’LL BE WAITING; ALL THAT’S LEFT TO DO IS RUN. YOU BE THE PRINCE AND I’LL BE THE PRINCESS. IT’S A LOVE STORY BABY JUST SAY ‘YES!’_

_“ROMEO SAVE ME, THEY TRY TO TELL ME HOW I FEEL. THIS LOVE IS DIFFICULT, BUT IT’S REEEAAALLL! DON’T BE AFRAID, WE’LL MAKE IT OUT OF THIS MESS. IT’S A LOVE STORY, BABY JUST SAY ‘YES!’”_

Tony’s voice got soft, deep, even more passionate, _“I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around. My faith in you was fading, when I met you on the outskirts of town. And I said…_ Thor! Solo!”

Thor grabbed his shampoo bottle and sang into the end like a microphone. _“‘Romeo, save me, I’ve been feeling so alone. I keep waiting for you but you never come! Is this in my head? I don’t know what to think.’ He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said”_

_“MARRY ME, JULIET, YOU’LL NEVER HAVE TO BE ALONE. I LOVE YOU AND THAT’S ALL I REALLY KNOW. I TALKED TO YOUR DAD, GO PICK OUT A WHITE DRESS. IT’S A LOVE STORY BABY JUST SAY ‘YES!”_

Thor found himself dancing to music that wasn’t there as he and Tony finished the song.

“Wait, wait, wait! Together, ready?”

_“‘Cause we were both young, when I first saw yooouuu…”_

They finished singing. The only sound was the water hitting the tiles at their feet. It began to grow cold, so Thor quickly finished up and cut the water with a squeaky turn of the handle. 

“That was beautiful, Thor. Let’s do that again some time.”

Thor chuckled a little, as he toweled off. Pulling on his briefs and t-shirt before stepping out into the stall, squeezing excess water from his hair as he walked to the sink.

“I’m serious. Do you have perfect pitch?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Neither do I. But there was a nice bit of harmony there. It felt very real.” Thor ran his comb through his hair as Tony prattled on, still in the shower stall. “If only we could get a third. Then magic will happen, I promise you.” Thor began pulling out his tooth brush and deodorant, and Tony came out, wearing a hot pink towel wrapped around his head, and nothing else. Thor had seen a fair number of dicks in his day, and wisely elected to ignore it. Tony came up to the sink and leaned over the counter to look at his face inches away from the mirror. Thor reached into his Dopp kit and pulled out his pill box, tongue out as he carefully dumped the pile of pills into his hand.

“Oof. That’s a cocktail.” Thor turned and looked at Tony who nodded down at Thor’s pills. “What’s that one, Paxil?”

“How’d you know?”

Tony did not answer for a moment, turning to look back at the mirror and then down at the sink. Thor wondered a moment on the subject of sanity, thinking he may have more in common with Tony than he first believed. But then Tony spoke again. “Bruce takes that one,” he murmured. Thor did not know Bruce, save for the one time he saw him at the house orientation, so he did not say anything.

“You alright?” Thor asked.

“I should be asking you that.”

“Don’t worry about me. On the mend.”

“That—that’s good.”

They stayed quiet for a moment. Thor downed the pills, and began to brush his teeth. Tony started putting on deodorant.

“I didn’t mean to intrude,” he coughed out. “Sorry if—“

“If I cared, I wouldn’t be taking the pills in front of you, man. Don’t even worry about it.”

“Right… right.”

“Listen, it’s not a big deal.” Thor began to pack up his things. He smiled over at Tony who looked surprisingly abashed on his side of the counter, naked as he was, pink towel on his head. The goateed man pulled off the towel and wrapped it around his waist, packing up his things as well. “So, same time tomorrow? I don’t really know any other Taylor Swift songs, but…”

“I’ll burn you a mix. T-Swizzle is an important developmental milestone you’ve got to achieve.”

The awkward moment was over, and with a grin, Tony stepped out of the bathroom around Thor and sauntered back to the corner room. Thor followed him out, turning the corner back up to 301. He turned and waved at Tony who waved back as he headed into his room. Thor could not get a good look, but there was something off about the inside of the room, but he reasoned that if Tony was living there, of course there would be something off.

Steve’s door was still shut, as Thor fiddled with his keys walking by. His phone vibrated in his bag, and he fished it out and saw a text from Nat.

“Nice song choice.”

“Did you hear that?” he managed to type out while still balancing all his things.

“I hear everything.” Thor did not have time to respond when another text flew onto the screen from Nat. “How did you translate the last three lines of the homework?”

“Let me find my notebook, and I’ll get back to you.”

“I’m coming up.”

Thor left his door opened and settled down into his chair, braiding his hair and tying it off as Nat walked in. They settled down and began to go over the translation together, working steadily into the night, as if having an impromptu Taylor Swift duet in the showers with a man with a bad goatee was a perfectly normal occurrence. _Maybe it is at UCM_ , Thor thought idly, as Nat translated next to him. He pulled out his hot cocoa packets, and poured some milk into mugs and stuck them in the microwave. He added tiny marshmallows to Nat’s cup, and settled in for more studying. He did not really mind. It was better than when he was studying law. He could stay here all night with Nat, if he was perfectly honest. When was he going to be able to do this again in his life? He sighed and immersed himself in the poem, hot cocoa in hand, and tried to push out the words to “Love Story” from his head.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (*to the tune of T-Swizzle's You Belong With Me* Baby can't you see-ee-eee, I didn't Beta Ree-ee-ead, I didn't Beta Read!)


	5. Cashew Caramel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor hangs out with Peggy and Pepper and talks about a past relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • This kind of got away from me, angst/plot-wise. But I'm happy about it, because I was worried Thor was getting flat, and needed even more malarkey in his past life before he and Steve end up together. He's got some healing to do I think.  
> • I love the idea of Jane/Thor being super passionate, because they really do love each other. Bisexual Thor all the way man!  
> • Peggy and Pepper are a crutch I lean on all the darned time to get info out of characters. It's sad but true.  
> • The next chapter is literally going to hop onto the back of this one. It'll be fun (she said manically, rocking back and forth).

“Thor, what’re you up to?”

Peggy and Pepper peered out from their room as Thor walked by, keys swinging in his hand as he headed towards his room. The weekend was finally here. He had finished his last class, he knew exactly what he was writing about for his Advanced Semantics homework, he had aced the first latin quiz. Everything was coming up Thor.

“Not much, ladies.” (They giggled, he figured it was Pavlovian how they giggled when he called them ‘ladies’)

“Want to hang out? We’ve got cookies.”

Thor was not one to turn down cookies, so he naively stepped into their room. Besides, how often do two beautiful women ask him into their room? And their company was a nice escape from the Classics kids, who were loud and loved drinking. While studying last night, Nat had called Rhodes for help, who called Fandral for advice, who called everyone else to meet at the Greek restaurant for a study session. _What harm could it do?_ Thor had thought. But then Volstagg and Fandral, Hogun and Sif had kept him, Nat and Rhodes out late last night drinking beer and talking about datives and ablatives until the wee hours of the morning. 

Peggy and Pepper’s dorm was as nice as a dorm room could be; it was much nicer than Thor’s at any rate. There were framed art prints on the walls and the two girls had matching purple sheets. Thor had left his father’s home with his duffle bag and backpack, and not much else. His walls were bare, and his desk only had books. The girls had found an extra nightstand and set it between their two desks, and on it were some magazines and a silver-framed picture of the two of them. Throughout the room hung perfectly placed Christmas lights and there were a few candles on the window sill. They had covered the standard, dorm wall-to-wall carpet with a fine, modern grey and white rug, and had hung sheer blue cloth from the ceiling, draping it over the awful florescent ceiling lamp, and defusing the harsh glare.

Peggy gestured to a pink beanbag chair and settled into a purple one near it. Pepper had sat at her desk shoving aside some familiar looking textbooks.

“You Pre-Law?” Thor asked.

“Legal Studies and Politics, “Pepper replied. “They don’t actually offer Pre-Law here.”

“I had that book for my Con-Law class.”

“I thought you were a Linguistics Major.”

“I am a Linguistics Major,” he replied with a smile. “Pre-Law was not for me.”

“I’m not sure it’s for me either. I just like arguing.” Thor chuckled at that.

“You’ll do just fine. It was not my cup of tea at all.”

“But Linguistics is?” Peggy asked

“Absolutely. I’ve always been good at languages, and I love picking them apart. It’s just a wonder I didn’t realize it until now.”

“Where did you go to school?”

“Where didn’t I? I went to four different high schools and over a dozen grammar schools before I started on the East Coast for college. That was a no-go and I took some time off, then did some community college in Berkley and SF while living with my brother and then ended up here.”

“Four different high schools?”

“Yup. York Prep for Freshman year, Albuquerque Academy Sophomore, Reykjavik International Junior Year, and Glenunga International High in Australia.”

He was expecting questions about Iceland and Australia. That is what always happened when he talked about his high school experience. No matter where he was or who he was talking to, his time abroad was always the topic.

“Albuquerque Academy? Isn’t that where Jane and Darcy went?”

He knew those names. He felt his stomach drop. “Jane Foster? Are you talking about Jane Foster?”

“Yeah. Do you know her?”

“Yeah, I know her. How do you know her?”

“Darcy is in the Politics major. Jane’s here, too. She’s getting her Ph.D. from the Astrophysics department. Did you go to school with them?”

“Yeah I did. I dated Jane.”

The two girls gasped, eyes lighting up. Thor was not sure how he felt, as Peggy and Pepper chatted over him. “That’s crazy!” _It was crazy._ “What a coincidence!” _That’s one hell of a coincidence._ “Oh my god, oh my god, I’ve got to text Darcy!” _Oh god, oh god, don’t text Darcy._

Thor was taken aback to say the least. The world of UCM was suddenly much smaller than he realized. His old life was so much closer than he realized. And Jane? Jane was such an important part of his life for such a short piece of it. His heart beat a little faster just thinking about her. He had lost touch with her when he went off to college, becoming immersed and lost in the wretched world of competitive Pre-Law. Then the accident happened, then he lost touch with everything. He never expected to even have to think about her again.

“Was it a bad breakup?” Peggy asked, eyes concerned.

“The opposite actually,” Thor lied. The breakup was mutual but it came at a cost. Screaming, crying, throwing things. He and Jane were so in love, so hormonal, so scared. They had to break up. “I was going to Iceland, and she was going to spend her Junior year trying to get into MIT early, which she did. Neither of us really had time for a relationship. It had run its course by the end of our Sophomore year. We’re just friends now, I suppose.”

“Wow. But what do you think it means that she’s here now?”

“This is getting very much in the realm of speculative girl-talk.” Thor was screaming internally. “It means we both have good taste in schools.”

“But do you love her?”

Thor paused for a moment. He did not even know these girls, and now suddenly his love-life was on the table. They were eating it up like a Ryan Gosling movie, and he could not really blame them, despite his efforts to make it seem uninteresting. He thought about Jane too. When he was in high school he could not keep away from her. There was much to be said for young passion, all pheromones and desperation to fit everything they could into the course of a single school year. “Of course I love her. She’s my friend.”

He saw Jane with her hands over her mouth sitting on the foot of Thor’s bed, as Thor sat against his closet on the floor. Her mascara was running, he was breathing heavily; desperately trying to get air into his lungs and feeling like he was drowning. All he had wanted to do was kiss away her tears and hold her and never let her go. Iceland was a death sentence. She was home. He remembered rubbing his hand over his face — he did not have a beard then, barely able to grow one — and feeling it wet on his skin. He wanted to kiss her. Instead he stayed on the floor as she picked up her bag and walked from the room without a word.

“But you’re not _in love_ with her?” Peggy asked.

“Not anymore.” He was not lying then. He was almost positive he was not lying.

“Aw. That’s sad.” Pepper said.

“I don’t think it is. I think it’s alright.”

“Would you like to see her again?”

Thor grew quiet again. Did he want to see her again? _God, yes. God, no._ He was certain had better things to do than see him. She was a busy doctorate student; surely she did not even have time for him. He found himself rubbing his hand over his face and sighing. “Don’t bother her. I’m sure she has more important things on her mind.”

Peggy and Pepper looked at him curiously, faces a mix between sad and understanding. With that the subject dropped, and all three of them sat in silence. Thor looked around the very nice room, and ate another cookie that Peggy offered from a little plastic bucket. It was a sugary, caramelly, cashewy, transcendental experience for his mouth. Thor decided he loved these cookies, and next time he was grocery shopping he would buy every box. He forced himself out of his rambling thoughts. He brushed some cookie crumbs from his beard.

“What about you, Peggy?”

“Hmm?”

“What do you major in?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Too busy comforting poor, angsty Thor to beta read. My poor baby.)
> 
> Also, I'll be trying to keep up with both this story as well as Steve's POV story, but I've got a few projects I'm working on (an actual novel manuscript I need to finish like yesterday/by February and I'm about 30K words behind, and I'm tinkering with a screenplay with Ovid's Metamorphosis, {back to the books for me, oof!}), so updates might be a little slower than when I started and was all full of vim and inspiration. I'm going to finish both of these projects, and try to update one or the other or both at least once a week, but please be patient with me.
> 
> Also, also. I'm working on catching up Thor's POV with the Steve POV story, so once those two are closer together, the updates between them will be a bit more even.


	6. Fight, flight or f—

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor and the others watch on as Steve deals with Tony's antics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • This chapter is terrible. Everything will get better, I promise.  
> • At this point in the story, I don't believe Thor is necessarily attracted to Steve (or he just doesn't know it yet, he's very distracted), and I'm writing him as relatively straight. Steve in his POV, I'm writing as bisexual, and I think Thor will get there eventually, but right now, he's relatively straight-ish.
> 
> • Again, sorry for the lack of more consistent updates. Life is getting in the way.

“What about you, Peggy?”

“Hmm?”

“What do you major in?”

But before she could answer, the floor started to shake and a deep, thrumming baseline sounded in their ears. Hard rock. Very, very, very loud hard rock was playing. Peggy covered her ears at the painful noise, and Thor and Pepper stood up to look out the door. They heard the Freshmen on the other side of the hall opening their doors and looking out. Thor peaked over to 302, but Steve was still out in class.

The sound came from 305. Tony, Clint and Bruce’s room. 

They had the only triple on the floor, and Thor always felt like it was a room that should not really exist. Nat said that they had to convert it to a room from a lounge at the last minute, due to over-crowding. Thor figured it made sense that Tony Stark lived there. That goatee attracted something off-kilter.

“Figures,” Pepper said, sharply.

She stormed down the hall and Peggy and Thor followed behind. They gathered at the corner outside 305. Nat came up from her floor, perplexed.

“What’s going on?” she yelled.

“It’s Tony,” said Pepper. She pounded on the door. “Tony open the door. Turn it down!”

Of course, nothing happened. Nat tried next. “Tony. It’s Nat! You have to turn it down. We’re going to write you up.”

Nothing. Not surprising. 

“Can’t you open it?” Pepper asked.

“I’ve got the keys for basement and 1st floor. Steve’s got the ones for 2nd and 3rd.”

“Christ,” Pepper scoffed. She went up and banged on the door again. “Tony for god’s sake!” She let out a frustrated grunt. “He’s an idiot. I’m going to kill him.”

“Calm down, Pep,” Peggy said gently. “Steve should be back from wherever he is soon.”

As if on cue, Steve appeared at the stairwell. He paled just ever so slightly as he took in all the eyes staring at him, waiting for him to act. Thor tried to smile a gentle, encouraging smile, but his teeth were rattling from the loud music. Steve’s face colored a smidgen and he turned and looked toward Nat.

“What’s going on?” Steve asked. Thor could barely hear him over the music.

“Don’t know. I don’t have the keys for this floor.”

Steve shouldered his backpack, sighing. He raised his fist and pounded at the door. The barest peak of skin showed under his shirt, and Thor wondered why he would notice such a thing. There was no answer at the door, so he tried again.

“Yes, knock on the door. Not like we tried that one,” Pepper said under her breath to Thor.

“Be nice,” he chuckled back.

“Tony, it’s Steve. I’m coming in there. Open up!”

Steve reached around to his pack and pulled out a ring of keys, fumbling with them until he found the one he needed. He unlocked the door, and Thor found himself holding his breath, wondering what they would see on the other side. Flying monkeys, a grenade launcher, strippers. None of that seemed out of the question. Steve pushed the door open and Thor leaned over to look into the room and then—

SLAM!

The door had shut, and Steve was on the other side. Thor had seen only an arm reach over and pull the blond man into the room, throwing him through the doorway before it ominously shut behind him, quick as a snap. Peggy had gasped beside Thor as it happened, and Thor could not blame her. It was the last thing any of them were expecting. And of course, made perfect sense with the demon corner room, and the certifiable Tony Stark.

“What the hell?” Nat said.

“They’re gonna kill him!” one of the freshmen said.

“They’re not going to kill him,” Pepper replied, but she did not look too sure.

They stared at the door for a few moments when, in an instant, the music stopped. The dull thud of blood rushing around his brain felt as though it were sounding out loudly in the silence, almost more painful than the music from before.

_“What the hell was that for?”_ Thor heard Tony cry out from beyond the closed door.

_“You’re kidding me right?” What in god’s name do you think you’re doing?”_ Steve yelled back.

_“I needed to belay out the window so I can get to the end of my particle ac—““Stop, I don’t care about anything past ‘belaying out the damned window.’ This is a school, this is a dorm. What made you think that was an appropriate thing to do? What made you think any of what you’ve done to this room was appropriate?! What were you even thinking? Were you even thinking? You could have died!”_

Thor was surprised to hear Steve so incensed. There was an intensity in his voice, as he and Tony continued to scream at each other. It was not pretty. I think everyone was as shocked as Thor was, as they all stared at the door.

“Oh relax. Pull that stick out of your ass!” Tony yelled.

Thor grimaced. He exchanged looks with Nat and knew she was thinking the same thing as he was. This was going a little too far. But there was little any of them could do. Tony and Steve continued screaming. Steve sounded like he was ready to swear, to hurl insults, to punch Tony’s lights out, but was just holding it back by the skin of his teeth. Thor was not sure he himself would be so controlled.

“You know what? To _hell_ with this.” Thor heard Nat gasp.

“Steve doesn’t swear, what the hell?” She whispered over to Thor.

Thor was about to reply when the door to 305 flung open and Steve called out. “Nat. Can you come in here? I can’t deal with this jerk.” Thor could almost smell the adrenaline coming off of Steve as he continued. “Nat’s going to do the write up for you guys. Keep your music down from now on.”

Through the open door, Thor could see the horror show that Steve had been pulled into. There were ropes and a harness on the ground (why?), the beds were piled up in a large, frankenstein-esque bunk-bed. It was chaos. Thor saw Steve throw a par of socks at a man sitting at a desk perched on top of a dresser. Steve sloppily threw up sign language letters, though Thor had trouble recognizing them from behind. The young man on the dresser shrugged, saw Nat, and fell off the dresser ungracefully. Thor understood. Seeing Nat made him feel the pull of gravity more keenly as well.

The other students slowly wandered back to their rooms, as Steve left 305 and stalked into the hall. He looked understandably frazzled, but also venomously angry. That look, deep-seated rage, did not sit well on Steve’s shoulders, Thor thought to himself. Even Pepper seemed concerned and moved closer into Thor’s side as Steve went past.

“Hey man, what was all that about? Seemed pretty crazy in there.” Thor asked; trying to diffuse the situation. Steve walked right by him, bumping into Thor’s shoulder painfully.“Everything alright?”

Thor froze. Steve had stopped walking, and Thor could see the angry lines of tension in his neck muscles. Something was so clearly wrong, and Thor suddenly wished he had not spoken at all.

Steve turned around, face dark and clearly disgusted, and Thor hoped instantly that he would never see Steve’s face like that again. Steve got up in his face. Thor was tempted to push him back, away from him and Pepper.

“Linguistics, man? You’re a linguistics major? Come on.” He scoffed, then stalked back to his room, feet stomping through the hall.

Thor’s stomach dropped to the soles of his shoes. Instantly he was brought back to the night he left his father’s home to come here, just a couple of weeks ago. The disdain, the disappointment. Part of him wanted to scream at Steve, but the more rational part of him just stood there, staring at the man as he fumbled with his keys to get into his room.

Steve turned and looked back at Thor and Pepper.

“Don’t worry about it. I think he’s just had a bad week,” Pepper whispered.

Thor saw Steve’s face drop from across the hall, and Thor tried to process why. But Thor was just too confused, too filled with bile at the way Steve had spoken him to even begin to figure anything else. Steve finally made it into his room, and the door slammed behind him. The note of finality shook Thor in the very pit of his stomach. There was the dull buzz of adrenaline running through his veins, and Thor wanted to run, to shake it off, to punch something; flight, fight or fuck.

Instead he slowly untangled himself from Pepper, and felt around his pockets for his phone and wallet and keys. All there. He ran his hand over his face. He checked his pockets again. Anything other than acknowledge the shake in his knees, and the unease in his stomach.

“Are you alright?” Pepper asked. Nat came out and watched Thor intently.

“It’s whatever. He’s clearly not in his right mind.”

“Volstagg and Fandral are having a party, you know,” Nat chimed in. “Do you want to get out of here?”

“God yes.” The words came out of his mouth before he even thought.

“You and Peggy are welcome to come too,” Nat said. Thor barely heard her. His heart was beating loudly still, and he could not calm it. He kept looking at the door to Steve’s room. He wanted to go in there, to yell at Steve. To pull Steve out and just run it off with him. To scream. To punch him, to fight until they were both bloody. _To fuck,_ his mind supplied, but he quickly brushed that off to the adrenaline and anger.

“Thor, why don’t we head out now. Get some food before heading over there,” Nat said.

“Yeah,” he was shaken from his stupor. “Yeah, alright.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Beta read? Have you no shame?)


	7. Surf and Sand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor goes to surf off his pent up anxiety, meets a familiar friend and comes to a horrifying realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • Steve's a full body blusher, pass it on.  
> • This chapter is a little long, sorry about that.  
> • Bucky and Sam 5eva.

The party was not really a party, more of a kick-back really. There were a few people Thor recognized from class, and a few people Rhodes had introduced Thor to that he knew from the AFROTC. People were just hanging out chatting for the most part. Thor, Rhodes and Natasha sat around on a couch at Volstagg, Hogun and Fandral’s house, and drank some beers and played some video games. Rhodes and Nat were chatting on one end, and Hogun and Volstagg played Smash Bros against Thor. Fandral was talking to his girlfriend on the phone on the porch, and everyone else was politely not listening to them fight over something or other. Thor could ignore it. He took a little too much pleasure beating the others. It was cathartic. He was angry, but not so angry as he made his Kirby character beat up Hogun’s Ganondorf.

“You’re a freaking berserker, man,” Hogun sighed as he threw the remote down.

“He’s got some pent up rage,” Nat said between sips of beer. “Kirby is helping him work through it.”

“It’s only the first week of classes.”

“No, the first week of classes is over. It is Friday. We are done.”

“Only nine weeks more to go.”

“What troubles you, blondie?” Volstagg asked. “Women troubles? We save the porch for that sort of thing.”

“Hmm. It’s something like that,” Nat replied.

“No, no it’s not,” Thor said.

“Hmm.”

“Just one of the guys on the floor. He said something jerky to me. Pissed me off.”

“What did he say?” Hogun asked.

Thor paused a beat. He liked these guys, but this was a can of worms he did not want to dump on them. “It doesn’t even matter, man.” Thor took another swig of his beer. “I think I’m just antsy. Pent up stuff, like Nat said.”

“So how do you un-pent?” Rhodes asked.

“I used to surf. But I didn’t bring my board with me. I’m regretting it now. I had no idea this place was such a big surf town.”

“Well I’ve got a board,” Volstagg said. “You’re free to use it. I’ve been really busy, so I’m not gonna get to it for at least a few weeks. Fandral’s got some extra suits too. They’re yours as far as he cares. He’s always dropping them for the newest, fanciest thing.”

 

 

And that was how Thor found himself the next morning with a borrowed board and wetsuit, heading down from campus on a bus. The streets were still fairly clear as he meandered along the route Rhodes had suggested. The sun had just risen as he got off at his stop, but was still low on the horizon, giving off just the barest hint of warmth, the last vestiges of summer. There was a very slight breeze that ran through Thor’s hair as the sound of the ocean, and smell of the salt water became stronger. He walked up to Shield Cove and saw what was clearly a perfect surf spot. As looked down the sandy path, there was a trio of men walking down ahead of him, and a handful of surfers already in the water. 

He slowly walked down, sliding a little in the sand before hitting the beach and jogging over to the water. He placed his stuff under his towel and a change of clothes near a rock. The sun had just finally made it’s way over the mountains behind him and the water was bright, shiny and clear. Thor could not help but smile. He paddled out, the water crisp against his skin and soaking into the wetsuit, familiar and cool. 

Thor made it to the end of the line, and looked along at his fellow surfers, only to see a familiar face. The man looked worlds different than yesterday. He was so calm, Thor had to do a double take to confirm it was actually him. The man had his eyes closed, face up to the sun, neck long and pale, with a small drop of water trailing down from his into his wetsuit. He was breathing deeply, panting from the paddle out. Thor almost did not want to interrupt him as he sat on his board taking in the air.

“Hey,” Thor tried at last. The sun was shining right in his eyes, making him squit as Steve turned around.

Steve blushed, looking frazzled instantly, and Thor wished he had not said anything at all. The calm was shattered as Steve sputtered for words.

“Hi,” he panted finally. His eyes darted around, occasionally meeting Thor’s, but clearly trying not to. “Didn’t know you surfed,” he said. “You didn’t have a board at the dorm.”

“Borrowing a friend’s.”

“Yeah, me too.”

They sat quietly for a moment. Thor saw the two men ahead of Steve turn to stare at him. Thor did the adult thing and pretended to look out towards the water and the surfer who was up on the line as the two men started wrestling on their boards. The dark-haired one pointed at Thor, and Thor could see Steve shaking his head and looking panicked out of the corner of his eye. The other man proceeded to dunk the dark-haired one into the water, and Steve stared ahead at the water, taking a deep breath and pretending nothing was amiss. Thor was not stupid, those two knew Steve, and Steve had told them about Thor. But why? _Probably just to complain about how awful linguistics was_ , Thor thought darkly. Thor bit the inside of his cheek and tried not to be bothered by it. That resulted in awkward silence.

The only solution was to speak.

“Tony’s a jer—“

“Linguistics isn—“

Thor and Steve had spoken at the same time, awkwardly chasing each other’s words until they fell back into silence. Steve looked down at his board, and Thor could see the blush rising on his cheeks once more.

“I shouldn’t have—“

“I didn’t mea—“

Steve sighed next to him, and Thor glanced over quickly to see him looking like a kicked puppy and he could not feel anything but the utmost pity for the younger man. He looked over at the water as Steve lifted his head.

“Go ahead,” Steve said.

“Tony really got to you yesterday.”

“He’s insane.”

“It’s the goatee.”

“Right?”

“Right? Who does that to their face?”

Steve chuckled next to him, and Thor for a very brief, very weird instant thought it was the nicest sound he had ever heard. The ocean crashed against the beach ahead of them, and seagulls chittered around them. One by one the surfers ahead of them started taking their turn on the waves.

The first of Steve’s friends went, scrambling to catch the wave after tussling with the dark-haired man. He made it just in time to drop onto the wave and shoot into the barrel, crouching down under the wall of water. He skillfully spun his board around before dropping off into the water.

Then the dark-haired man went, body taut and arms powerful. There was an intensity about him that Thor could not quite pin. He caught the wave and started weaving against the water, riding up and down on the wave before finally finishing off and catching air, curving over thecrest and landing back down and going under the water. It was impressive, and Thor could not help but cheer along with Steve at the end of it.

But then Steve grew quiet. He and Thor looked out across the water, and Thor realized that the dark-haired man was not to be seen. He tried sitting up taller on his board, but there was nothing.

“Buck?” Steve called out. His face was etched with concern, and Thor was about ready to jump off his board and start swimming underneath the water to look when suddenly the man popped up next to Steve’s other friend, spitting water into his face.

Thor felt himself breath again. The water had settled a little bit, and that left Thor and Steve sitting at the front of the line, waiting for another wave to form.

“I’mreallyreallysoryforyesterday,” Steve said suddenly. Thor almost did not understand him, and turned to look to see Steve’s face bright red, with the blush creeping down into the neck of his wetsuit. He had that same kicked puppy look and Thor was at a loss for word.

“I don’t really hate Linguistics. I just… don’t get it.” Steve said after a moment.

“You might learn to like it,” Thor replied, choosing his words carefully, desperate not to scare off the younger man. “It’s why I transferred here. I’m a tutor for some of the classes. If you need help, I mean.”

“Yeah, I saw your name on Professor Coulson’s syllabus.”

“Yeah Phil? He’s great.”

“He took off his shoes during class.”

Thor tried not to laugh. “Eh. He’s alright.” Steve gave Thor a grin at that, and Thor saw that soft veneer of calm once more. It was a good look. Then Steve turned away, and Thor could see his blush rising up the back of his neck as well, though he could not imagine why.

“Anyway, I’m sorry. Yesterday was awful. The whole week was awful.”

“It’s alright, man.”

Steve did not turn to look back at him, and Thor tried not to let it bother him. Steve clearly was dealing with something, and Thor was not one to intrude.

He coughed slightly, “Here comes your wave.”

Steve nodded at Thor, lay down on his board and began to paddle. His broad shoulders working hard against the water. Thor watched as Steve caught the wave, and popped up on his board. He rode along the middle of the wave, crouching just a little bit, letting the water take him. He was finally relaxed, it was a miraculous sight. His eyes were bright, and his smile was huge. Thor let out a soft sigh as he rode by. Steve then turned sharply before falling back into the water. He popped up, shaking the ocean from his face and hair and grinned, glancing over at Thor, who could not help but give him a thumbs up. Steve’s grin widened and he hopped onto his board and paddled back over to his other friends, turning around to watch Thor.

Thor started to paddle, his wave thick and fast, and he popped up and rode along the middle. He felt like he was finally home. He took a deep breath, and began cutting along the water, riding up and down, leaving long white slices behind him. This was it. This was what he was supposed to feel like. His muscles did not even strain as he turned and cut through the water, and god, he felt like singing! He finally spun around, and jumped off into the cool, perfect water. He popped back up, looking up at the bright, perfect sun and shook the ocean out of his hair, laughing.

He started paddling to the others, and could see Steve grinning from his board. It was a good sight.

They continued surfing for several hours. The morning was perfect. The sun warmed their skin, and the ocean cooled their minds. When they finally had enough they wandered over to the beach. The two other men introduced themselves, Sam and Bucky, as they unzipped their wetsuits partway down, sitting shirtless on the sand. Steve lay down, and Thor saw the expanse of Steve’s chest for the first time. It was sculpted, and thick, and there were just a few drips of water pooling in the small crevasses of his abdomen and Thor found himself wrenching his eyes away, lest someone notice his staring.

“Where are you from, man?” Bucky, the dark-haired one, asked.

“I was studying down south in San Diego, but I’m kind of from all over. My dad moved a lot for business, so my brother, Loki and I never really had a home town.”

“Where’s the weirdest place you’ve ever lived?”

“Iceland, without a doubt.” Thor found himself chuckling at the memory. He was still not even sure his year in Iceland had actually happened. “Good surfing though, if you can stand the cold.”

“You are lying,” Sam, Steve’s other friend, laughed. “There’s no surfing in Iceland.”

“There is. Where there’s waves, there’s surfing. My brother and I were high schoolers when we lived there in Rykjavick, so perhaps we were a little crazier than we are now. But we’d go out with the thick five millimeter suits, with hoods and footies and gloves. We did it one winter, when our parents were away and we were wearing our suits, but we threw on wool sweaters and jeans over it, because it was so damned cold. It was nuts man, fucking nuts. Loki was trying to grow a beard that year, and when we finished in the water, by the time we got in the car it was frozen solid—“ Thor clicked his tongue for emphasis, “he cracked the damned thing right off in his hand.”

Thor remembered how mad Loki had been, how stupid they had both been. Loki had suggested it as a joke, and Thor went all out, dragging his poor brother behind.

“How you doing, bud?” Sam asked Steve, running a hand through the blond man’s hair. It was such a sweet gesture, Thor was taken slightly aback. A tiny part of him wanted to run his hand through Steve’s hair, brotherly and affectionate.

“Starting to feel human again,” Steve replied.

“Ready for some breakfast?”

“God yes.” Steve heaved himself up.

“You’re coming too, Thor,” Bucky said. “Our house is just up the path, and like three houses down.”

“Jesus, man. How’d you get a place this close to the water?” Thor asked, impressed.

“Sheer dumb luck,” replied Bucky.

“I know the owner,” Sam said. “he’s letting me and whoever I can find use it for free while he’s gone doing research in Italy. It’s a duplex, actually. You could fit like ten college kids in there pretty comfortably if you had them. We just didn’t know anyone who wasn’t already set up in their own place, and never got around to advertising it. Alright, enough chit-chat. I bought bacon and eggs specifically for today. Sam’s magic, big as your arm, breakfast burritos!”

They all stood, and Thor stretched his arms up over his head before reaching down to grab his board. He noticed that Steve’s back was a completely plastered with sand, and without thinking he reached up to brush it off. “You’re covered in sand, dude.” He had done such a thing with Loki dozens of times, but when his hand met Steve’s skin, Steve tensed, and Thor worried he had brushed over an invisible bruise at the way the muscles under his fingers instantly turned taut and hard. “Woah, sorry.”

“No, it’s not bad, you just startled me.” Thor could not help but pity the poor guy. He was just so brimming with tension, and it was hard to watch. He found himself worrying again for Steve, just like he had when Rhodes and Nat had told him about his monstrous workload.

“Di-did you get it all?”

Thor nodded, but could not work the worry from his face, feeling his lips purse of their own accord. He turned and trudged away after Sam on the hill. He made a mental note to call Loki once more. There was not much he could do, but if Thor was this worried, a second opinion would not be amiss. He saw Bucky drape an arm over Steve’s shoulders — Steve did not jump that time — and whisper something in Steve’s ear, before Steve replied and Bucky darted up the path with a giggle. Thor kept walking, catching up with Sam. Steve trudged slowly behind, and Thor saw he was deep in thought, and slightly exhausted.

They all stepped into the house and joking and chatting about nothing at all. Thor laughed at Bucky’s jokes, and asked Sam for the burrito recipe, because they were fantastic. Bucky and Sam were especially funny, bickering like a married couple. Steve went out to grab the paper for them, and when the two men got their hands on it they fell quiet, studying it fanatically. Thor noticed though that at one point Bucky had stopped reading, still shoulder to shoulder with Sam, and was just watching the other man as he continued to parse through the articles. There was that same intensity in his eyes that Thor had noticed back when they were surfing. The look that Bucky gave to Sam only meant one thing, and Thor had to school his face fiercely not to draw attention to it.

“Journalism majors,” Steve chuckled lovingly, and Thor grinned. His worry dissipated just a little bit, knowing Steve had friends like this. Did Steve see the way Bucky looked at Sam? Maybe Thor was just imaging it.

Sam offered to drive them back up the hill to campus, and Thor kept his board and suit at Sam and Bucky’s after a quick text to Volstagg and Fandral, who said it was fine.

When they reached campus and Science Hill, Thor and Steve walked slowly, meandering along the path as they leisurely made their way to Guass House. They chatted quietly. All Thor wanted to do was ask Steve if he was alright, if he was too stressed, if Thor could help with anything, anything at all. He had not really felt like anyone with quite this much worry other than Loki. There was a blaze of protectiveness in his heart for the man, and Thor could not fight it.

They made it to their respective doorways, each of them fiddling with their keys. Thor found himself watching Steve, fondly, as he fumbled around with the lock to room 302.

“Let me know if you need any help with linguistics, yeah? I really don’t mind.” He found himself saying. With any other person he would mind, not a lot but some. What was he saying? What was he talking about? Why was he so concerned about this kid? He smiled at Steve, in a way he hoped was reassuring and not just weird.

“Yeah, yeah okay.”

Steve had nodded, and Thor saw the small flash of his throat above his t-shirt, and his mind flashed back to Steve sitting on his board on the waves, water dripping down his neck, Steve chuckling at a joke, blush creeping down his face towards his chest, shaking ocean out of his hair, grinning at his friends, eyes shining as he surfed, Steve unzipping his wetsuit, drying his bare chest in the sun, his broad back covered in sand, the warm skin of his shoulders, the worry that nagged at the back of Thor’s mind every time he thought about Steve, Steve’s perfect, blue eyes, and strong jaw, and—

_Oh holy fuck._

“Right, later man.” He said quickly, turning around and darting into his room.

Thor leaned back against his closed door, and felt himself sink to the ground, head in his hands. He had to catch his breath because he had forgotten about inhaling for a moment. A string of curses sounded out in his head, along with the image of Steve grinning at him and Steve grinning at him without his shirt on, and suddenly Steve lying back on Thor’s bed, shirtless, long neck stretched out, asking for it.

“Oh fuck. I like Steve,” he said out loud to his room.

_Oh this is bad…_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • I was originally planning on having Thor never really realize he liked Steve until their faces were literally smushed together but I like this a lot more.
> 
> (Beta Read? Without a wetsuit! That's nuts!)


	8. Starlight and Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor reunites with Jane, who is nothing if not fantastic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • I know it's pretty irrational in real life for ex-lovers to be friends, but I think Thor and Jane would be the exception... also this is a fanfic, the whole point of it is to escape real life.  
> • Thor/Jane is one of my favorite ships, so of course I love it here, even when its in the past-tense. I actually think them being passionate high school lovers and settling into a deep friendship is kind of the only way that Thor would operate. He's such a nice guy.  
> • Isn't Jane the best? I love Jane!  
> • Jane ships Thor/Steve, pass it on.

Thor was walking towards Latin class when he saw her. Actually he was walking towards the coffee stand near the Latin class with Nat and Rhodes when he saw her. She wore glasses now, and that made his heart jump. He secretly loved glasses, and could not have imagined how well they would sit on her face. And she still had her flannel shirts and casual jeans and hand full of books and papers. She still smiled a big, warm, starlit smile when the vendor handed her her cappuccino.

She nearly dropped her cappuccino when Thor said, “Hey Jane.”

“Thor? Thor!” She screamed out and ran over to him, and all he could think to do was pull her into a massive hug, lifting her off the ground. She still smelled the same, felt the same in his arms.

His heart was not beating fast at the sight of her, just calm, and steady. He was grounded. He was home.

“You’re here? You’re here!”

“I’m here. I’m taking linguistics.”

“You always were so good with languages!”

“Whose your friend, Thor?” Rhodes asked. He and Nat were peering at her curiously.

“This is Jane Foster. We used to date, back in high school.”

“Before he left for Iceland! Of all the places!”

“And she was trying to get into college out of junior year. MIT no less. She did it too.” Rhodes and Nat looked very impressed.

“It’s so good to see you, we should catch up! When are you free?”

“I’m—“

“He’s free now,” Nat said with a smile. “We’ll take notes for you. Come on, Rhodes.” Nat pulled James away forcefully, abandoning the idea of coffee. Thor bought a cup of dark roast for himself and he and Jane settled into one of the patio tables. She smiled so warmly at him that Thor could not help but smile back. He was instantly back in New Mexico, sitting outside the cafeteria looking at the world’s most perfect girl and shocked that she was looking back at him.

“I can’t believe it,” Jane said. “We lost touch, but I never thought we’d meet up here. I was expecting to run into you like, abroad somewhere. I imagined I’d be at an Astrophysics conference, you’d be with your dad’s business.”

“Well, the second part won’t happen. But yeah, I found out you were here a few days ago. I couldn’t believe it either.”

“You knew I was here? Why did you say anything?”

“I didn’t want to bother you,” Thor said, rubbing the back of his neck and looking away. She rolled her eyes, and leaned over the table to give him a light punch on the shoulder, scoffing. He tried to smile back, but really, he felt just a little guilty even talking to her now. They were quiet for a moment. Birds chirped nearby, and the wind made the trees sway above them.

“You’ve changed.”

The way she said it caught Thor off guard. She had known about his stint in Pre-Law, and his mother’s death, and his breakdown. She knew about it, but they had not seen each other since Frigga Odinson’s funeral, and then he could not even find the words to speak to her. He looked at her, and as she stared back up at him, peaceful, serene, protective, he realized he really had changed. He was not the same brash kid she knew when they were high schoolers.

“Yeah, a little bit.”

“I still love you though,” she said with a smile.

“God, I love you too,” the words rushed out of him, breaking a damn. He was relieved, and sad, and calm all at once. And still his heart beat steady in his chest at the sight of her. Their eyes met, and Thor knew that Jane would be in his life forever. Ever-present, like Loki, he supposed. He was grateful for that.

“So what’s going on with you?” she asked. “Still surfing? I remember you trying to tell me all about it in New Mexico and I thought you were nuts. Still do, but this is a big surfing town. Every time I see kids on the waves I think of you.”

“Yeah, I actually did a set last weekend and I—“ He stopped himself. He was bothering her, he was certain of it. He used to tell her everything, but now that was so hard. There was a deep well of anxiety that he was about to ruin this one relationship he loved so much.

“Go on,” Jane said patiently. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

He could never hide anything from her, though, anxiety or no.

“I was surfing with this guy. A friend. He’s the RA on my floor.”

“And…”

“And his name is Steve.”

“Hmmm. Steve. Tell me about Steve.”

“I— he’s—“

“You like him?”

Thor let out an exasperated sigh. Of course she could tell. Three years apart, and she knew him better than he knew himself.

“You’re an open book, Odinson.”

“Are you mad?”

“God no. I just didn’t think you swung that way. I saw that red-head you were with and thought maybe she and you were a thing, but the body language was way off.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Why would I be mad?”

“I- I have no idea. I just— I just don’t know what’s going on.”

“Tell me about Steve.”

“He’s Pre-Med. He doesn’t like Linguistics. He’s uptight, you know, tense?”

“Ooh, like you wanna ‘massage it out of him’ tense?” Her eyes flashed mischievously, and she looked much more like her sister, Darcy, than Jane for just a moment. 

“You never used to be this upfront.”

“You’re not the only one whose changed.”

He smiled at her, and she beamed brightly back. He knew at one point he was going to have to see her, and he dreaded it. This chance encounter was perfect, and he thought to himself that maybe he was dreaming it. Things could not be going so well. There was no way.

“So is Steve cute?”

Thor snorted, choking a little a little on his coffee.

“What? It’s a valid question.”

“He… is attractive. Yeah.”

“You sound unsure.”

“I’m not exactly used to this. I’m used to girls. _Women._ ” He corrected quickly, seeing Jane’s lips purse. “And he’s young. Or younger than me. He’s a junior, what’s that 20? 21?”

“That’s not that big a gap. I’m sure he’s good-looking. I mean, you dated me that year, you can only go up from there, right?”

“Ah, I don’t think I could ever find someone as gorgeous as you.”

“You’re a dingus,” she said fondly, eyes warm.

“But Steve’s, he’s… he’s something.”

“I can’t wait to meet him.”

Thor could not imagine them both being in the same place. That was just a little too much to wrap his head around. They continued chatting for the rest of the hour. He told her about his classes, and the people he met on his floor, and what Loki was up to these days, and of course Steve. He couldn’t finish a sentence when it came to Steve. Jane loved it, Thor felt ridiculous. She giggled at him, patting his hand across the table, and then giggled some more. It turned into a fierce cackle when Thor managed to stutter Steve’s name at one point. He blew a raspberry at her, she stuck her tongue out at him. It was like they had never been apart. The Latin class finished, and a little alarm beeped on Jane’s phone.

“Shoot, I’ve got to go. I’m TA’ing. I’m headed to the Hahn building.”

“Oh me too. My next class is at Hahn Hall.”

“Is that where you ran into Steve that one time? He’s in the lecture before yours.”

“You pay too much attention to weird details.”

“I’m a girl. I do that. Let’s go, maybe we’ll see him.”

“No… no no no.”

But it was too late, Jane had stood up, deftly picking up her copious amounts of papers and shoving them in her large backpack and pulling Thor up from the table, and practically pushing him towards the path. They found themselves jogging along, and nearly out of breath as they made it outside the lecture hall. The first few students were trickling out.

“Do you see him?”

“Not yet. We shouldn’t do this. This is dumb.”

“No it’s not. This is fun! You being mortified makes up for the last three years of non-communication.”

“I said I was sorry.”

“Is that him?”

“That’s a streetlamp.”

“No, that guy!”

It was, she had a good eye. “How did you know?”

“You said he was cute. And he is so cute. Good job. Go get him.”

“How?”

“Just say ‘hey!’”

“What?”

“‘Hey!’ Do it! Now. Loud!”

Thor boomed “Hey!” and immediately grimaced. It was too loud, it was obnoxious. What was he doing? He sucked in a breath. Jane pushed him forward, and they took a few steps. Steve looked around, trying to pinpoint the yell, and Jane waved at him. They stepped out from the shade of the tree, and Thor squinted in the bright sunlight as he walked over, Jane at his side, practically bouncing in excitement. He wanted to pin her down, but knew from past experience nothing could contain her when she was invested in something.

She hopped up to Steve, barely hitting his chin. Thor always forgot how small she was. Her personality was just so big.

“You’re Steve! Thor told me about you!” Thank god she was taking the lead. Thor was pretty sure he lost the ability to speak for a moment. Why was this happening? This was like something out of a teeny-bopper TV show. He was screaming internally.

“Uh-oh, hope he hasn’t said too much,” Steve replied with a smile, blue eyes twinkling.

“All good things, don’t worry!” Jane replied. She shoved him forcefully with her very tiny, very sharp elbow.

“Ah, and this is Jane Foster!” Thor choked out. “We actually used to date when we were wee babes in high school.” Jane elbowed him once more. This time he deserved it. What a stupid thing to say, on all counts. _We used to date? Wee babes?_ What was wrong with him?

“In Iceland?”

“No, this was the year I was in New Mexico. But yeah, I didn’t know she was here, and she didn’t know I was here.” He was lying. He never lied. What was happening? His brain was not working right. Jane elbowed him once more. “We would not have found out unless she hadn’t stopped at the cafe to meet a professor.”

Steve smiled at them, mouth closed. Thor wondered if he could tell that Thor was not being entirely truthful. He did not mean to be this way, he was nervous. His stomach was dancing around in his abdomen, and his brain was coming up with a million worst-case scenarios at once.

“Jane Foster?” Steve said. “You’re the one who won the big astrophysics prize last year.”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Well congrats. I read your thesis. Didn’t understand all of it, but it seemed pretty good.”

Steve read her thesis? He always did have a thing for smart people, he mused to himself.

“She’s so smart,” Thor beamed. “I don’t know why she ever dated me.”

“I needed someone tall to reach lab equipment.”

They all laughed politely, and Thor could not have been more grateful to her. What a perfectly neutral thing to say. What a perfect woman he had met all those years ago. He smiled. Steve hitched his backpack onto his shoulder with a strained smile. Thor worried he was still stressed from classes, but could not say much.

“I gotta head back. It was nice to meet you, Jane. I’ll see ya, Thor.”

“Bye Steve, really great meeting you!” Jane called out as he left. She and Thor turned and started heading into the lecture hall, as Jane talked next to him. “Oh he is cute. You were right. I like him. I think he’s good. And did you hear he read my thesis! You could do worse, I’m just saying. I gotta text Darcy!”

Thor turned around and saw Steve looking right back at him. Thor gave Steve a small wave, and Steve smiled back once more. He was standing in a patch of sunlight, and it made his hair practically glow. Even from far away, Thor could see his blue eyes, and thought just for a moment they would be perfect if they were closer. Thor’s heart beat fast, but steady in his chest. He loved Jane, but at that moment, all he wanted to do was follow Steve.

Jane gave Thor a hug, after walking him into the lecture hall and they planned on meeting up again later in the week. She darted out, heading to her class, and Thor sat down into the seat next to the lefty desk, still warm from whoever had been sitting in it last.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Beta Read? Before my coffee? Blasphemy!)


	9. Good Guys and Spider Webs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor runs into someone unexpected at the pharmacy and has an unplanned heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • No Steve in this chapter (Thor does have a life), but the beginnings of an important friendship.  
> • This was meant to be just the pharmacy and Thor picking up his stuff with an important plot point wedged in (I'm not subtle, I'm sure you saw it), but then Bucky showed up, and I'm so happy he did.  
> • Bucky is a cutie.  
> • Two chapters in a day! Don't get used to this, though...

Thor was heading into town on the bus by himself. He had the address for his new pharmacy on a scrap of paper in his pocket, with a list of the things he needed to refill. He pulled his earbuds from his bag, and popped them in, losing himself to a new album from his favorite Australian band. He sat by the window and watched the streets and trees whiz by.

His thoughts were nebulous in his mind, amorphous and fleeting. He thought about the students he had had in his office hours for Semantics 1 and the Poetry and Language classes. They were all linguistics, save for one literature student. A certain Pre-Med student had not made his way to his office, but Thor had thought that he saw the distinct blond head outside his office window one time, but the man had never showed up, so he figured he had been imagining things. 

He thought about a news article Loki had sent him. It had a picture the Provost of the school standing next to their father at a benefit dinner. Thor had skimmed it, but the general gist was that the school had hired his father’s company in order to ‘find and free-up’ some money. That was a phrase he knew from years of living with his father, and he hated it. It meant that they were going to find ways to cut things at the school, and it worried Thor. He could not imagine that his father could do too much damage, but it was hitting a little too close to home. He imagined Bileyg Odinson planning the worst out of spite for Thor and his newfound home. His thoughts turned darker and darker, so he forced himself to think of something else.

He thought about the essays he had coming up. He was writing about meter in the Aenied for Professor Heimdal but was grasping at straws for what to do for his Advanced Semantics class. His linguistics lab was thankfully essay-free, but he still had to come up with an experiment proposal soon. Thor was considering something with sign-language and vocal patterns in the deaf and hard of hearing, but was not sure he could pull it off? How many actual students were deaf on campus? Would that be a viable experiment in the first place? He would have to talk to Professor Coulson.

He sighed, the bus was pulling up to his stop, so he pulled the cord, and rolled up his headphones, tucking them into his bag, before standing up and heading out the back door with a small thank you wave to the driver. Thor walked into the drugstore and headed all the way to the back by to the pharmacy counter, nodding at the man behind the glass.

“Hey, I’m here to get some refills.”

“Name and date of birth?” the technician asked. Thor supplied it, and then handed the man his insurance card. “Is this your first time taking these?”

“No, just my first time picking them up here.”

“These require a consult from our head pharmacist. Do you mind waiting a few minutes while he finishes up in the back?”

“Not at all.”

“We’ll call you from the overhead speaker. Feel free to just wander the store, you don’t have to wait at the counter if you don’t want.”

“Thanks.”

Thor stepped back and found himself meandering to the halloween decoration shelf. It was late September, but that did not stop the stores from stocking up on all sorts of strange things. He peered down at an inflatable, seven foot wide, motion activated spider when he heard a voice call out to him.

“Thor, hey!”

He turned and saw Steve’s friend, Bucky, walking up to him. They shook hands, smiling.

“Hey, man. Small world.”

“No kidding. What are you up to?”

“Just waiting for a prescription refill. You?”

“Scoping out halloween decorations. We’re going to have an epic party! You are, of course, invited.”

“Halloween’s not until next month.”

“One can never be too prepared!” Thor laughed at that. “Yeah, Sam said I was being crazy, but I think he’s on my side.”

Thor noticed the skin around Bucky’s eyes minutely tighter at the mention of Sam. Thor felt a wave of pity for the dark-haired man. Here he was, alone, looking at Halloween decorations, and clearly falling into a well of emotion.

“Sam’s a good guy,” Thor said at last.

“Yeah, he’s the best,” Bucky replied with a smile.

They grew quiet once more. Suddenly, overhead an electronic voice called out Thor’s name, causing both Bucky and Thor to jump.

“Well, I’ve got a date with some spider webs,” Bucky said. “I’ll see you later.”

“Wait!” Thor did not know what he was doing, guided only by a weird, unknown maternal instinct. “I just gotta pick up my prescription, but do you want to grab some coffee?”

Bucky’s eyes lit up, and Thor was relieved. As soon as the words had left his mouth, Thor was certain he was overstepping some boundary, but it was too late now. But Bucky smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, just come back here when you’re done,” Bucky said.

“Will do. It’ll only take a minute.”

Thor jogged up to the Pharmacy desk and began chatting with the new man behind the counter. He looked over the medications with him, ensuring the man that he knew what time to take them, and what foods to avoid. Thor pulled up one of the bottles and peered through the semi-clear orange plastic.

“Hang on, these look different,” he said.

“It’s a new manufacturer. Same stuff, different shape. It should work just the same.”

“Right. Is that everything?”

“Yup. Just sign right here, and you’re good to go.”

“Thanks.”

Thor stuffed the full bag of pill bottles into his bag, where they rattled obnxiously, and padded them down between his books, and turned back around to find Bucky.

 

 

They had ended up chatting in the small, hipster cafe for quite a while. Thor was drinking a particularly good dark roast coffee, and Bucky was sipping a mocha. At first it was all small talk; their various classes, the student newspaper, which Thor knew next to nothing about, general campus life, surfing. It was all very casual, but Thor was pretty sure that Bucky was hurting about something. He ventured a guess.

“Are things alright with you and Sam?” he asked.

Bucky sputtered a little bit. “Yeah, why wouldn’t they be?” He quickly turned and took a sip from his mocha, refusing to make eye-contact.

“You sure?”

“I— I guess they’re fine. We’re friends. We live in the same house. We’re both doing great in our classes. Things are fine.”

“Are you just friends?” Thor knew the answer, but thought that perhaps no one had bothered to ask Bucky about his feelings. Thor knew he felt worlds better when discussing Steve with Jane, and sometimes with Loki. He was clearly duty-bound to help Bucky now. Bucky heaved a great, dramatic sigh, and Thor tried not to laugh. It was just rather endearing.

“I like Sam, okay. It’s not big deal.”

“It is a big deal. It’s important.”

“It’s not like anything is going to happen.”

“Why not?”

Bucky gaped at him for a moment. “Because it’s not. He’s… we’re…”

“Just friends?”

“Yeah.” Bucky sighed once more. “Nothing is going to happen. I’m pretty sure he’s straight. I’m pretty sure I’m not. But it’s just… I don’t know.”

Thor thought about Steve, realizing in many ways he was in a similar boat to Bucky. He reached over and gave Bucky a comforting squeeze on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry man, I barely know you. I shouldn’t be talking about this with you.”

“Don’t apologize. I asked.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“Clearly I did. You’re about to burst.”

Bucky sighed for a third time. Thor hoped he was not as dramatic as this when he spoke to Jane about Steve. Perhaps it was an age thing.

“Tell me, what do you like about Sam?” Thor ventured. “My friend asked me this about S— someone I liked, and talking about it helps.” He was about to say Steve’s name, and that would have just been a complete new can of worms he knew he did not want open right now.

“When Sam laughs, he laughs with his whole body,” Bucky said quietly. Thor was taken aback, blinking at Bucky. He figured Bucky would say something about Sam’s looks, but the observation was very astute, very real. It was surprisingly nice. Unexpected, as Bucky did not really strike Thor as someone who looked beyond the surface of someone, but perhaps that was intentional. Maybe it was because he did not want anyone to know what he was really thinking. Thor found himself reevaluating the man as they sat sipping their drinks.

“Go on, what else?”

“He’s smart. He’s really smart. He’s editor in chief of the student newspaper.”

“That’s impressive.”

“And he’s really protective of Steve.” Thor cocked his head. “I just— I’ve been friends with Steve since we were babies. We were neighbors and went to all the same schools together. We lived with Sam in a triple dorm Freshman year and we all just clicked, and all the while Sam made sure Steve was doing okay, was eating enough, was getting enough sleep. I wanted to be that for Steve, but I think I’m just too cocky, too annoying—“

“You’re not annoying,” Thor reassured the man.

“But I am cocky,” Bucky replied with a grin.

“That’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

“Sam’s not cocky. I mean, he’s a little cocky, he’s a 21 year old dude, but he’s a good guy. Like, really good. I just want to be good enough for him you know?”

“I think you are. If it’s meant to happen it’ll happen.”

“Yeah…” Bucky finished his mocha, and tossed it towards the trashcan nearby. “Why are you doing this, Thor?”

“Hmm?”

“Taking me out for coffee, asking me about my problems?”

Thor did not know quite what to say. He just wanted to help Bucky, but it wasn’t like he just saw any old stray puppy and decided to help them with their relationship problems. He wanted to help Bucky. There was something a little selfish about it; perhaps Bucky would mention to Steve how helpful Thor had been, but that thought was a deep, inconsequential one. Thor probably would have wanted to help Bucky even if he was not attracted to Steve.

“I want to be a good too,” he said at last.

“You’re doing pretty well so far.”

“I try.”

“You won’t tell Steve about this, will you?”

“Your secret’s safe with me.”

“ _Three people can keep a secret if two are dead._ ”

Thor laughed. “Don’t worry. I could not even imagine even broaching the subject.”

“‘By the way, your best friend wants to bone your other best friend,’ is how I’d do it.”

“Then it’s probably best you’re not doing it!” Thor said with a laugh.

“Thanks man,” Bucky said after a moment. “Do you need a ride up to campus?”

“That’d be great.”

They stepped out of the cafe into the warm sunlight, and walked to the parking structure in comfortable silence. They fell back into small talk in the car and the drive up to campus was easy and light. Bucky already looked immeasurably more happy as he joked around with Thor, like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest, and Thor wondered how long the man had been keeping his secret to himself.

They got up to the top of Cardiac Hill, and Bucky stopped the car in the circular driveway outside the mini-quad. Thor grabbed his stuff, and stepped out of the car into the cooling September air.

“Hey!” Bucky called out to him from the car, opening the window. “I’m glad you’re living near Steve. You’re a good guy.”

“Well, Steve’s a good guy. I’m just alright.”

“Steve could do worse,” Bucky said with a smile. With that he drove the roundabout and back out towards the road out of campus. Thor tried to wrap his head around Bucky’s words, but could not for the life of him figure out what it meant. He shrugged and headed to Guass House, heart light.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Accio Beta Read! Oh right, still a muggle).


	10. Different Down Under

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor plods through a linguistics experiment with Clint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • **¡¡IMPORTANT!!** — At this point in the story Thor is starting to fall into a depressive episode due to bad medications, which will continue for the next few chapters. I'm trying to keep it a relatively manageable thing to read, but it's difficult. That being said, there will be no serious/suicidal repercussions to this episode over the following chapters. NONE. There are a few hints of a little bit of alcohol dependence/abuse. Even though this is hard to write, I am working my hardest to make sure it is not too hard to read.
> 
> • I know next to nothing about Linguistics, but I have gone and done a linguistics lab in a booth like the one described here for a friend. That is the extent of my knowledge.  
> • Deaf!Clint is extremely important to me. I'm trying my best to portray him accurately. If anything seems off, do let me know and I will try to fix it.  
> • Angst and Depression don't mix well. My heart is aching for poor Thor.

Thor was in Nat’s room, his book laying on his lap as he sat against her bedpost on the floor. She and Sif were on her bed, and Rhodes was at her desk, looking at her computer as they tried to plod through and come up with a semi-feasible translation for their next class. He had been here a few times before but it never ceased to impress him how much Nat had been able to change the dorm room. There was none of the standard, college dorm furniture here. Instead, she had minimalist, Japanese-esque decor. A low bed, a small but practical desk, a tansu dresser and various lamps that she turned on in place of the awful florescent ceiling lamp.

Thor was having trouble reading the words on the pages, in English and Latin both. They spoke quietly, talking about parts of speech, and flipping through the dictionary, but Thor could not process their words. Thor just felt so tired, sitting silently as the letters blurred in front of him. He also did not care that he could not read the text. He did not give a single god damned fuck. He had not felt like this in a while. He had not felt like this since—

“Thor, you okay?” Sif asked.

“I’ve… been better I guess. Must be tired. What time is it?”

“6:15. Maybe we should grab some food?” Rhodes suggested.

“Yeah, I suppose.”

“Leave books here, or are we packing it in for the night?”

“I could go a few more rounds,” said Sif with a keen smile.

“I’m less sure I could. I may just call it a night.”

He packed his bag, and shuffled out of Nat’s room with the rest of them, while Nat fiddled with her lock as they passed. As Thor made his way after them, Nat grabbed his arm firmly turning him around to face her. At first she did not say anything, only looking very keenly into Thor’s face. He blinked under the scrutiny.

“Are you okay?” She asked.

“Sure. I think I’m just tired. School stuff. Need a deaf person.”

“What?”

“I need to come up with a recording experiment for my linguistics lab. I was planning on looking at vocal patterns in people who were hard of hearing. Then I realized I don’t have anyone who is hard of hearing. And I’m blocked up. I literally can’t come up with any new ideas. My brain is just shut off.”

“Well, your brain being blocked and shut off is a whole other problem, but Clint in 305 is hard of hearing. Maybe he could help you?”

Thor blinked a bit. That was good news. And he was close too. Thor did not think he had the mental fortitude to go all the way across campus to meet someone either.

 

 

Thor knocked on the door of 305 the next morning after a quick run-through of his experiment with Phil. The professor had seemed excited about it, thrilled even, and was eager to meet Clint and try out the parameters but Thor was a little hesitant now. It did not seem like it was as good an idea as it had before, but he had made his bed so he was ready to sleep in it. He at least had the wherewithal to peruse his old sign language textbook. It was pretty grubby, having been with him since he was in high school in Australia, but it was still good.

The door opened and there stood a student with dark curly hair, pushing his glasses back up on the bridge of his nose with a pen.

“Hi, are you Clint?”

“No, I’m Bruce, that’s Clint,” said Bruce, gesturing at a light-haired kid perched on top of his dresser, playing a game on his phone. “Clint. Hey Clint!” Bruce sighed and looked around on the floor before finding a piece of paper, crumpling it up and throwing it up at Clint, tapping him on the face. “You’ve got company.” Bruce said, but he was not signing the same words at all. Maybe Thor had not seen it right; Bruce was only half facing him after all.

Clint hopped down and sauntered over to the doorway, standing next to Bruce, fiddling with his hearing aids, trying to get them to go in straight.

Thor started signing, speaking the words out slowly as he tried to make his gestures crisp. “My name is Thor. I live down the hall. I do linguistics and wanted to know if you wanted to participate in a lab experiment, documenting the differences in pronunciation for deaf and hard of hearing people?”

The one other time Thor had done sign language with someone outside of the classroom, it was back in Australia, and the girl had been thrilled. They had a good ten minutes of talking in sign, and it was one of Thor’s favorite memories. But now, Clint and Bruce simply stared at Thor like he had wet his pants, or was turning purple.

“You’re lucky I’ve got my hearing aids in and Tony’s not around to be blasting music, because I have no idea what you just signed, man.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re not signing right.” Bruce said, brow furrowed.

Thor blinked at the two men, confused. “I must not— I don’t—?” Then it dawned on him. He let out a low sigh. “I learned sign language in Australia. It’s a different language.”

Bruce laughed. “Oh thank god. I thought you might be having a seizure, or something.” Clint laughed too, and Thor tried to join in but he felt completely mortified.

“I’m sorry man. I don’t know what’s got into me. That was rude.”

“Don’t trip. I’ll do your linguistics thing, no problem. Did you want to do it now?”

“I could, yeah. Thank you, thank you so much.”

“No worries. I’ll teach you some real sign language on the way down.”

Thor stepped back as Clint walked out of the room, checking his pocket for his wallet and keys and they went down the stairs with a wave to Bruce, who was already turned around and looking at some sort of data as he shut the door behind them. They hopped down the stairs, and out into the cool October air. It was a beautiful day but Thor could not find the means to enjoy it. He meandered next to Clint who was chatting a lot more than Thor expected he would. He did not mind, thankful his silence was being filled, asking only the occasional question. He noticed that Clint still glanced over at him every time he spoke, reading his lips. He hoped he was not mumbling.

“So, studying pronunciation of deaf people? I hope it doesn’t hurt that I wasn’t born deaf. Like, I know that’s a big thing.”

“I think it’ll be alright,” Thor replied. “This is just preliminary. If it seems to work okay, and we find one or two other hard of hearing people to be models then get some funding to see it done on a bigger scale.”

“That’s awesome. I’m glad I could help. So I thought linguistics was all about written language, not verbal.”

“It’s both.”

“That’s cool. I mean, I’d definitely lean more towards written, what with me not being able to hear people sometimes. But then again, I’m not sure it’s really my thing. I like my major. I’m sticking to it.”

“What is your major?”

“Art, emphasis on metallurgy and sculpture. Me and another student actually made the new statue outside of Oakes cafe.”

“I’ll have to check it out. I haven’t been to that side of campus.”

“Aw man, you’re missing out. They’ve got the best french fries in school, hands down. Although the ones at the Rivers Dining Hall are pretty choice too, and they have sweet potato fries. And like, good sweet potato fries. Like, most sweet potato fries are pretty crappy. Like, totally sub-par, you know. But man, the ones at Rivers are choice, man, _choice_.”

They stepped into the Elephant Seal Linguistics Lab. It was a small room, with a soundproof booth in one corner, and a table in the middle with a few chairs, and five computers along the counter by the window. Thor looked at the booth and thought that all he wanted to do was just crawl in with a blanket and sleep. No one would bother him, it was quiet, he could just disappear into the padded walls.

“Are you talking about the sweet potato fries at Rivers? They’re the best.” a voice asked from behind them. Phil Coulson was stepping out of his office across the hall and joined them in the lab. Thor tapped Clint on the shoulder and gestured to the man behind him. Clint turned and waved.

“Are you Clint?” Phil asked warmly. Thor was so grateful for him. Phil Coulson was a a gift to the department.

“Yes sir,” Clint said with a smile, shaking the professors hand.

“Well good, we’ve got a hell of an experiment for you, and I can’t wait to get you in our booth.”

Thor and Phil ushered Clint over to the booth, and started laying down the parameters of the experiment. Thor was trying to speak, but the enthusiasm was not there. Phil picked up on his fatigue instantly and took the reins instantly, with no indication that anything was wrong. Thor was ready to kiss the man.

“So this is soundproof? Might be easier just to take out my hearing aids, don’t you think?” Clint said with a laugh as he settled in. The booth started recording, and Clint started reading the words on the monitor, muffled through the door.

“Thor are you alright?” Phil asked as Clint kept speaking into the microphone.

“Hmm? Yes, fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Sure. I think I’m just tired. It must be some sort of bug.”

Phil looked at him with a squint. “Well, if you need anything you let me know. School’s hard enough as it is, especially if you’re transferring after taking time off. Can’t afford to lose my new TA to the flu, can I?”

“No sir,” Thor tried to smile, but knew it was looking forced, not reaching his eyes. He turned and watched Clint through the glass in silence. Phil knocked on the desk after a moment and stood up, stretching.

“Back to the grindstone. If I don’t write the midterms, the kids don’t take the midterms and you’re outta work.”

“Thanks for your help.”

“Anytime, Thor.”

He stepped out and Thor sat quietly as Clint continued working through the list. Thor knew he probably should listen to the recording soon, while it was still fresh in his mind, but the idea of it was just daunting. He just wanted to go to bed. He closed his eyes, just for a moment.

 

 

“Hey, dude. Wake up.”

Thor sat up with a jolt as someone shook his shoulder. There stood Clint, smiling down at him.

“I think I finished.”

“Are you sure? It was timed at forty minutes.”

“Yeah dude. It said it was completed, and I hit the ‘save data’ button and everything. Need anything else?”

“A beer would be good. And about 40 hours of sleeping.”

“I can help with one of those things. We’ve got beer in our mini fridge in the room. Well, one of our mini fridges. The other mini fridge has petri dishes, so we just stopped keeping food in there after a awhile.”

“Right, great.”

They were about to head out when Thor stopped.

“Woah, sorry! Here.” He went into the small safe on the far corner of the desk and opened it up, pulling out a ten dollar bill. “Compensation for participating in a UCM Linguistics experiment.”

“Hot damn! I gotta do more of these things.”

 

They were walking down the hall and heard the sound of lively chatter from room 304. Thor and Clint peered curiously at each other before walking the few steps down the hall and standing outside the open door of the room. There was Pepper, painting Steve’s toes, but there was Peggy, sitting on the bed behind Steve as he leaned back looking up at him. Their faces were close, and Thor’s stomach dropped with a mean jerk.

“What the hell?” Clint cried out happily.

The three of them turned to look at Clint and Thor, and smiled, waving them into the room. Steve smiled too, languid and calm. Thor tried to smile back, but his face was just not interested in cooperating. He was just tired, he told himself again.

“Hi boys!” Pepper said. “Look what Steve let me do to his toenails.”

“Woah, that’s not half bad,’ Clint said as he walked into the room and settled down next to Pepper.

“What are you two up to?” asked Peggy, hand still in Steve’s hair on the bed. Part of Thor knew that he should be envious, but god the energy to care was lost to him. He let out a small, defeated sigh.

“Just got back from the linguistics office,” Clint supplied. Thank god he was chatty, Thor thought to himself once more. The idea of even having a conversation was falling more and more out of favor. “Thor asked me if I was interested in doing some tests. Got ten bucks!”

“Ooh, very nice.”

“Did you hearing aids make the test different?”

“No, I mean, Thor was getting info for how I, a deaf person, pronounced things. I actually probably could have done it without even wearing them.”

“You don’t have those cochlear implant things do you?”

“Nah, they’re too expensive. And like, I don’t really want ‘em. I just use the hearing aids to help with getting around and classes, but like, I don’t need a permanent fix, you know? Even in classes, I’m better just watching the signer in the front. And even if it was like, a miracle cure, like they say it is, which it isn’t, I don’t like, need to be cured, you know?”

“Damn right.” said Pepper.

Clint kept talking with the girls, and began pulling out various colors from an extremely impressive collection of nail polish. Thor watched as Pepper squirted some scented moisturizer on Clint’s hands, and merely waited for a good chance to take his leave. His bed was so close, if only he could just get there.

His eyes fell on Steve, who was looking up at him with those big, blue eyes. That was good. That was something Thor could appreciate, even through his exhaustion. It even made the small green envy monster in his belly stir at those blue eyes being so close to Peggy and not him. The feeling did not last though. God, what was wrong with him? Thor let out a soft breath, as Steve grinned up at him. Thor tried to smile back.

Peggy nudged Steve’s head gently. “Give us a cookie?” she asked.

Thor took that as his cue to exit.

“Hey, Thor, you want one?” Thor heard the words from outside the room, too far now to go back and get a cookie, but he trudged onwards to his room. He did not even want a cookie.

 

There was a knock on his door later that evening. Thor rolled out of bed, and opened it rubbing his face. There stood Clint, bright eyed and bushy tailed with a six-pack in his hand.

“Here man. We thought you might need these,” he said, handing over the beer.

“God thanks. Are you sure?”

“Yeah, Tony doesn’t like having too much in the room, and we were just gonna save these for a party. They’re yours. Thanks for the ten bucks.”

“Nah, that’s department policy.”

“Well, enjoy.”

“Thanks.”

Thor closed the door and set the beers on his desk, pulling one out, and opening it with his keys. It was lukewarm, but still alright. He sat back on the bed and finished the bottle, staring at the wall, before lying back down and going to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Honestly, I think this one is even less proof-read than my other chapters. I'm too shamed to even make a 'beta read' joke here).
> 
> (Also, it might be a while before the next chapter. I'm trying to write an additional 10K words this week for my manuscript {bringing the total to about 60K, yipes!} so I can have it edited and almost finished for an upcoming writers conference, {which is the biggest thing I've ever done in my life and I'm totally stressed out about!} Fic must wait, alas. I'm using the notion of writing more of this story, and another Steve/Thor fic {extension of my story Ice and Lightning} I'm tinkering with as a reward for hitting my word mark! Wish me luck!)


	11. Little High, Little Low

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor is naked less than a foot away from Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • Again, this is a depressed!Thor chapter. It's not horrible and triggering, but it is a little rough. We'll come out of this fog soon!  
> • This is also a short chapter. Apologies. I cannot handle sad Thor. I just can't do it.

In any other world, where he was not so damned tired, he was sure he would be panicking, sputtering at the idea of Steve naked next to him. Now he was just content to lean against the wall of the shower and have the hot water run over his body, working out kinks in his muscles that should not be there, and stress in his shoulders that Thor could not find an excuse for.

Steve was naked mere inches away from him.

Sure, they were in the shower stalls. Sure, Tony was in the other stall. And sure, they had just finished a rousing rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody, echoing off the tiles and shaking through their naked bodies the way Queen meant it to be. But Steve was naked next to him. And Thor stood in his stall silently cursing his body, his exhaustion, the way his mind could not focus. He knew he should be left breathless and twisted up in knots at the idea of Steve naked in the next stall over, but there was a roadblock in his brain; synapses were not firing right, and things were left dull where they once were bright. If there were no barrier, he knew he could touch Steve right now, without even having to reach too far.

He dried off, and pulled on his t-shirt, and briefs, and headed over to the dorm bathroom sink, going through his nightly routine, relying on muscle memory, more than anything else. He swished some mouthwash around and spat it out and then pulled out his deodorant, rolling it on underneath his shirt. Steve walked out of his stall, wearing plaid pajama pants and a t-shirt that was a little too small, and rode up as he ran a towel through his hair, exposing a thin strip of skin.

Thor sighed quietly to himself once more. Some physical part of his brain was telling him that he should just bend over and lick that stripe of skin and any other exposed body parts he could find, and was screaming at him for not doing so. Another part was telling him to just drop everything, go back to his room and never come out.

A third part of his him was telling him something was wrong in his brain, and he should be very, very, very worried.

 _That’s why you take medications_ , Thor told himself, reaching into his leather kit and pulling out his weekly pill box, and popping the top open to dump the pills in his hand. _So your brain will react to things normally. Say, did you actually take your morning pill?_ Thor could not remember. He tried to focus back to that morning, and found it was a complete haze. The entire morning actually was a complete haze. He had gone to Latin and Advanced Semantics, but what happened in those classes? Did they actually happen? Did he eat afterwards? Did he eat breakfast before? With Nat and Rhodes, right? He sighed, looking at the pills.

He felt eyes on him after a moment and turned to look at Steve who was glancing curiously at his hand as he brushed his teeth. Thor had yet to take the pills. They lay in his palm innocently, but Thor knew there was nothing even remotely innocent about them. Thor then threw the pills into his mouth and downed them with water straight from the sink, just to turn away from Steve’s imploring blue eyes. 

“Vitamins,” he lied, looking right at Steve. He was not sure why he did not tell him what they really were, but mentally blamed it on his fatigue. It was a tiring topic, and he did not have the energy to try and explain it to Steve.

Thankfully, at that moment, Tony walked out of the shower wearing nothing but a hot pink bath towel on his head.

“Gentlemen, it was an honor and a privilege. Goodnight!”

“Goodnight Tony,” Thor said.

Steve’s eyes were wider than saucers, and Thor made a note to remember the image for when he was feeling better, because it was hilarious. They watched Tony leave and head back into 305, and Steve let out a breathy laugh before going back to brushing his teeth.

Thor glanced in the mirror, pulling himself together enough to start running a brush through his hair. He pulled a scrunchie he had wrapped around the handle, and held it in his teeth as he worked the wet locks into a semi-decent braid behind his head. Steve spat out his toothpaste in the sink next to Thor, and rinsed his mouth before they both started packing their things.

They walked in silence out the bathroom and around the corner up the stairs to their rooms, hovering outside of their respective doors. Thor turned to glance at Steve and saw the younger man smiling at him, and could not help but smile back. That was pure reflex, the way someone squinted when the sun hit their eyes, you had to smile when Steve Rogers was smiling at you. Thor was still inexplicably exhausted, but his heart felt just a little bit lighter.

“Well,” Steve finally said. “Goodnight.”

“Yeah. Same time tomorrow, man?” Thor asked. 

“Absolutely,” Steve replied quickly, causing Thor to smile even more.

Thor waved and headed into his room and sat down on his bed with a sigh. His body was slowly falling apart underneath his skin, but he reached over to the minifridge for a beer and leaned back against the wall.

 

 

Thor did not go to his linguistics lab the next day. He woke up groggy and checked his phone and realized with a jolt and a sigh that he had already missed the first half of the three hour lab. It felt stupid to try and go now. It was late in the morning, almost afternoon really, and he sighed, walking to the bathroom to pee and brush his teeth, grabbing his leather kit mechanically.

When he returned to his room, he glanced around, not quite sure what to do with himself. His eyes fell on the mini-fridge. _It’s noon somewhere,_ he thought to himself.

He pulled out another beer from the fridge, scratching his stomach and sitting in front of his computer to check his email. He went through the junk mail listlessly and opened an email from Loki, just to keep out to remind him to reply. Something about his father and the provost. Thor really could not bring himself to care.

His phone buzzed on the desk. He took another swig of beer before checking. It was Nat asking if he was interested in studying for the next Latin quiz in a little while.

Was he? He could not imagine dealing with the others; they were loud and all he wanted was to stay in his room. 

His phone buzzed once more,

“Getting beer and pizza! Happy Thursday! :)”

Thor yawned, and finished the beer in his hand, looking at the morning light streaming in from the trees outside his window. He could probably go and study with them, he supposed. He tossed the bottle near-ish to his recycling bin, and got up to stretch, pulling on a pair of sweats and slipping into his flip-flops to get some food from the dining hall. He grabbed a spare tupperware box he kept in his cupboard and brought it along; he’d be damned if he was going to actually sit in the dining hall and eat with other people.

As he walked down the stairs, keys jangling in his hands a fleeting wisp of a thought passed through his mind. _Did I take my pill this morning? Yeah, sure I did._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Beta Read? Bah, Humbug)
> 
> (Hey friends, still plugging away at my manuscript; real life projects must take precedence, unfortunately. Hopefully I'll have more chapters, and am not completely drained writing-wise to churn them out. I'm trying really hard to catch this story up with Steve's POV, and from there I plan on switching back and forth. But that's a long way aways, and the manuscript is a real doozy. Wish me luck!)


	12. Brothers on a hotel bed.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki arrives and starts the process of saving the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • Thor is definitely in a depressive episode at this point, but again, I'm trying to make it not too rough to read. It's rough to write, but after this chapter and the next one, things should start to get easier.  
> • How about some nice guy Loki, huh? I mean, without the genocide to keep him busy like the movies, he's kind of an okay guy. A problem solver! A guy with pizza!
> 
> • I'm worried that you all think these are just a lot of gen-fic filler chapters. I mildly regret going down this small story arc, but I'm sticking to it, and I think it'll be okay. When this whole monster is done, it has potential to seem really interesting and well thought out! Potential! But considering that it's been two weeks since I posted a chapter, and there's little to indicate the way things are going apart from what we've learned in the Steve's POV story, it must seem rough to read. Apologies!

Looking back, Thor was not a hundred percent sure when he stopped going to his classes. Thor was not sure of a lot of things for a few weeks really. It was as if a great fog that had settled in his brain, and he could see the dim shapes of his life through the haze but little else. The world seemed grey, and he tried to muddle through, but had neither the energy nor inclination to really invest. He loved Linguistics, but had not gone to the lab for several weeks. He loved Latin, but could not read the words from the page or translate the lines of the epic poem. He loved UC Merced, but had not left his room to do anything other than eat or pee for quite some time.

He woke one morning to a buzz from his phone. The fog told him not to even bother looking and go back to sleep, but still he reached out and picked up the phone, if only to turn off the volume and saw the text from his brother.

“Did you get my last email?” it started. Then _something, something, something_ , a mention of their father and his company and someone named Pierce. The words did not make it to Thor’s mind as he lay in bed staring at the super-nova bright screen in the still dark morning.

A deep instinct in his stomach made him text Loki back; not about the email, which he hadn’t read, but about himself. He knew there was something wrong, and that Loki might know how to fix it. He had even forgotten that Loki had existed until he made contact. Fate, and a gut reaction made him reach out. “I think I’m having another episode,” he wrote.

He waited, slowly fading back into sleep; into the fog.

His phone vibrated in his hand; “I’ll be there this afternoon.”

 

 

His phone buzzed, “You alright dude? You kinda had us worried.” Said the text from Bucky.

Worried? Then yes, he had seen Bucky in the hallway coming back from the bathroom. With Steve. Steve was there, and Thor did not even remember. A brief flash of his face, looking grim and concerned lit up against his closed eyelids. Then he was in his room, and they were gone. It almost felt like it had not even happened.

“I’m alright,” he texted back.

 

 

His phone buzzed again. Loki this time, “I’m in the parking lot, help me with my bags.”

Thor stood up and shoved his keys in the pocket of his sweatpants, before heading out of his dorm and down the stairs to the parking lot. The night air was cold and crisp against his skin, and he silently cursed at himself for not bringing a jacket. A harsh wind blew out over the mini-quad and cut through his sweats and thin t-shirt. He pushed through though, walking past the dining hall and down the steps to the dark parking, nearly empty parking lot.

Loki stood by his car under a flickering orange streetlamp. Thor half expected him to be dragging on a cigarette and looking mean, which he sometimes did, especially when pulled away from his work. Instead, he was holding a pizza box in one hand, and had his messenger bag briefcase slung over his shoulder. The wind caught on his long coat, and he looked dramatic to say the least. Thor could not help but smile as he made it down the dark wooden steps and into the light towards his brother.

Loki smiled back, and set the pizza box on the roof of his car, and opened his arms for a hug. Muscles Thor did not even know were tense relaxed as he hugged his brother. He let out a soft sigh and leaned further into the thin, strong body.

Loki grunted into his shoulder, after a moment and struggled to get out of the hug. “Thor, god. You need to bathe.” Thor laughed but did not let go, finally feeling just a little bit more human. “Come on, let go. Let me look at you.”

Thor finally pulled away, and a gust of cold wind blew between them, as Loki examined Thor in the dim light of the streetlamp. His face fell as he took in Thor’s appearance.

“Oh Thor,” he sighed. He was going to say something else, but stopped himself. “Let’s get out of this cold,” he said instead. “I bought pizza. It’s gotta be better than dorm food. You can tell me what’s going on.”

Thor nodded, he could not find the words to even respond.

 

 

They ate the pizza. Loki dug through Thor’s leather kit and pulled out his meds. Loki examined the bottle of medication, before making a few calls while Thor sat on his bed and watched. He heard the conversations but did not really register it. A manufacturing defect, leaving the medication at a much lower dosage than advertised. It seemed so simple when Loki put it like that, but it had left Thor so damaged.

 

 

Loki cleaned up Thor’s room — “For myself, not for you. I cannot stay here if it is in this state. You know how I am with these things,” he had said — and Thor realized that it was truly a mess as Loki puttered around and started tossing out the old beer bottles, and food wrappers. Thor did not respond, just watched in silence. Loki put his clothes in a hamper that Thor forgot he had. He changed the sheets of Thor’s bed, and mentioned something about doing laundry tomorrow.

 

 

“I need to get cleaned up. There are showers here, yes?” Loki asked. Thor nodded, and Loki dug through his bag to get his toiletries. “Grab your things, you smell like shit.” Thor chuckled before grabbing his things and showed Loki to the showers. They stood in the two stalls as the hot water beat down on them, and Loki spoke a little bit — something about the email he had mentioned, their father, that man Pierce again — but otherwise it was quiet. Thor thought it was better when there was singing in the showers.

 

 

Loki pulled out clean pajamas for Thor and set them on the bed. “I think you ought to get some sleep. It’s still fairly early, but I want to head out and get some new medication for you before we go to your classes.” Thor must have looked confused. “I’m interested in seeing what you’re up to, that’s all.” Thor nodded, and changed into the pajamas. “I’m going to have a quick smoke outside, I’ll be back in a minute.”

 

 

Thor heard Loki and Steve talking outside his room; the walls here were so thin. Thor made out a few of the words, but then they went into room 302, and it was just a little too muffled. He lay back on the clean sheets in his clean clothes and let out a soft sigh; the haze was still there, but felt less like falling now. Loki stepped in a few moments later and started changing from his dressy clothes into a pair of sweats and the UC Monterey t-shirt Thor had bought him when Thor had been accepted into the linguistics program.

“Budge over, Thor.” Loki said, crawling into the bed and under the blanket next to him. The small bed was already cramped, but Thor realized he did not mind having the bracing, thin warmth of his brother next to him. Loki clapped a hand on Thor’s shoulder, as Thor started drifting off into sleep. “I can see why you like Steven Rogers,” he said quietly. Thor nodded, but did not respond. _It’s Steve, not Steven._ He thought. But it did not matter, he was soon asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I was trying to come up with a cutsie 'beta read' joke here, but fell rather short. All I could think of was a stupid fake product called 'reta beads' and it was dumb, and I'm over it now :P)


	13. Dido; very weird, very sad,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki accompanies Thor to his classes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • Second chapter in as many minutes! Two chapters for the price of one! Hot dog!
> 
> • Again, I think Loki would essentially be a good guy outside of the MCU realm. I think a lot of his animosity both here and in the movies is to his father, and that's going to come up later, but I think he's at a point where he is at peace with Thor. I've hinted at it, but I feel like any of the bad things that have happened between them happened before Thor started at UCM. I should probably expand on that, but golly what an effort!  
> • After this point, Thor, since he got his medications back on track, is going to be slowly coming out of his depressive episode. Thank the lord!

Loki and Thor sat in the small cafe near the drug store. Loki had done all the talking and had probably frightened the poor pharmacy technician behind the counter as he demanded the old brand of Thor’s medication. Loki then made plans to go to the campus pharmacy to switch over to them, simply because he had called in advance the night before and found they were still using the same supplier that Thor’s old pharmacy back in San Diego was using. 

Now they sprawled on opposite sides of the benches in the booth of the cafe, and waited for their food. Loki pulled the bottle of pills from his paper bag and passed them over to Thor, who opened it, and downed the pill wordlessly. He was mildly comforted that the pills were the ‘right’ shape. The placebo of that alone might help.

Thor felt a little horrible. Useless. Loki had rescued him, but Loki had put his life on hold to do so. It was not merely unfair, it was pathetic. His thoughts were a little bit clearer, mostly from the beer-less night’s sleep, and getting out of the dorm, but that made him feel all the more guilty that things had escalated this quickly, and he had done nothing but get swept up by it. He did not know how to thank Loki.

The food came and they ate, Loki chatting amicably with the waitress, and then with Thor as Thor started on the breakfast burrito he ordered — _not as good as Sam Wilson’s_ , he thought.

“So it’s Friday. What’s the schedule for the day?”

Thor was chewing, but still did not feel like answering; instead he pulled out his planner and passed it over to Loki, who opened it and peered down at Thor’s messy scrawl in the front cover. He squinted.

“Latin and Advanced Semantics,” Loki read. “That should be fun. You were telling me that your Latin professor is an interesting fellow, if I recall. Very literature oriented. Just what you need. For all our travels you’re woefully uncultured.” Thor nodded. “Now remind me, you’re studying,” he drew in a hiss of a breath, “The Argonautica? No. That’s Greek.”

Thor did not answer, and looked up at Loki as he swallowed his bite of burrito.

“What are you reading in your Latin class, Thor?” Thor knew Loki knew the answer. They had discussed it at length, on the phone, through texts, in emails. It was impossible for it to have slipped Loki’s mind now.“This silence is very unlike you.”

Thor opened his mouth, “I—“ He sighed, shrugging and looked down at his plate before leaning back against the seat of the booth. He just couldn’t bring himself to talk.

“You’ll feel more chatty when the medications start revving up again. It’ll take a little while, but when something important comes up you’ll find your voice.”

Loki sounded so sure, and Thor was a bit envious. Both of his knowledge in things Thor should be more aware of, given his mental situation, but also because Loki was so clearly good at what he had chosen to do with his life. There had been no speed-bump when he dropped pre-med to major in psychology. Their father had been only slightly peeved; this was before Thor had dropped out of school and pre-law, and psychology was still moderately ‘respectable.’ There was no shit-storm like when Thor told their father he was going to study Linguistics. Loki had flitted through school and was doing his doctorate without a hitch, and was clearly in his element. He should be using his skills to finish his doctorate work, not taking care of his screw up brother.

Thor sighed, and took another bite of his burrito, and Loki ordered him a large orange juice and refused to let them leave until he finished it.

 

 

They went to Latin and Loki took a seat behind Thor’s usual one. He went up to introduce himself to Professor Heimdal, shaking hands with the older man, but then sat down and was otherwise quiet. Nat and the others looked on curiously but said nothing, except for soft ‘welcome backs’ to Thor. During the lecture Thor peered over his shoulder once and saw that Loki was giving the Professor his ‘undivided attention’ look; Thor knew instantly that his attention was entirely divided; he was making lists of things to do, books to read, papers to dissect in his head. Thor could not help but give his brother a small smile before he turned back and tried to follow along as best he could without having done the readings for several weeks. Something about Dido or someone; it seemed very weird, very sad.

 

 

The class finished, and Loki clapped him on the shoulder, saying “Quick coffee, and then Advanced Semantics! That is Professor Coulson’s class, yes? I’m excited to see it.”

Thor knew Loki was not excited to see it, but nodded anyway, and they headed out. They went to the cafe, and Thor peered around to see if maybe Jane was there, since he had not spoken with her since they last met here, but did not see the small woman, and headed out along the forest path.

“Look at these trees, Thor! They’re something else aren’t they. It’s almost as colorful as New England in the fall, isn’t it? Ooh, but warmer, thank god.”

Thor looked up, and noticed that yes, the trees were changing color and the forest path was a wash of reds and oranges and greens filtering the overcast above. It was actually quite nice. Thor had missed this, and for the first time in a long time he took a deep breath of fresh air; the hazy fog slowly peeling back.

“Loki, Thor,” a voice said, shaking Thor from his reprieve. Thor looked and saw Steve wearing a friendly smile, standing outside of Hahn Hall.

“Ah, Steven,” said Loki beside him. “Hello there. Isn’t this place magnificent in the fall? I had no idea. We were taking a walk through one of the wooded paths by the cafe, because I’ll be damned if I’m drinking dorm dining hall coffee. The leaves are just brilliant. Here, I thought it was all beach-y, but this is certainly something else.”

“It is nice, isn’t it?” Thor felt Steve’s eyes on him, and could not help but squirm ever so slightly under the gaze. He had trouble meeting Steve’s eyes.

“Well, we’ve got class!” Said Loki after a moment. Thor looked and saw Loki, smiling, but peering intently at Steve, eyes a little hard despite the smile; the way only protective siblings can. “Advanced Semantics! A rare treat for me, I haven’t done much in terms of Linguistics.” It was good to see you again, Steven.”

“It’s Steve.” The words left Thor’s mouth before he could stop them. Now he felt both Thor and Loki looking at him.

“What was that?”

“It’s Steve. Not Steven.” He said to Loki. His throat was a little dry as he tried to get out the words, but he said them and they were out there for all to hear. It felt a little like a little weight lifting off his chest, and from the looks of Loki’s face, it was a weight off his brother’s chest as well.

Loki smiled at Steve. “Right, of course. Steve, I am sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. Enjoy the class.”

With that Steve walked away, and Thor went into the lecture hall, and sat down in his usual spot next to the leftie desk, seat still warm against his skin from whoever sat there before him.

 

 

Loki walked into room 301 that evening after talking to his graduate advisor on the phone. They spent the rest of the day doing chores, cleaning up, and getting ready for a relaxing, but study-filled weekend. Loki heaved himself up onto the bed and sat down next to Thor, who was trying to churn out a response paper on his laptop that was very slow going. Loki peered at the screen for a moment before pulling out an essay from a stack he had been correcting and started marking it up with his red pen.

“You know,” he said at last. “I think I rather like Steve. Of all the young men to have a crush on, he seems almost worthy of it.”

Thor looked over at Loki who was dutifully staring at the essay in his hand.

“This from the twerp who didn’t like Jane,” he joked softly. He was talking again, but his voice lacked its usual boom still.

“I loved Jane. It’s just that you two humped like rabbits for a year right next to my room. Sometimes in my room. I just couldn’t look her in the eye to be quite honest.”

“But you like Steve?”

“It’s like you said. He’s good. It’s been a while since we’ve had anyone good in our lives.”

Thor smiled and looked back down at his computer screen, Loki warm next to his shoulder. Things were still hazy, but the fog was lifting just a little.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ("I Should Have Beta Read That Fic" — a stirring memoir by Daphnomancy, available wherever fake books are sold)
> 
> (PS: Hopefully I'll be a little more consistent in posting chapters. I have not made as much progress on my real life writing project as I would have liked, and I've got a biggo writers conference that is scaring the bejesus out of me in February. I'm going to try to write this fic, if only for the catharsis of cute college shenanigans, but gosh it is a bit tough right now).


	14. Nothing good...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki finally discusses some serious business with Thor. The plot thickens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • Soon there'll be some Thor/Steve interactions. Just you wait! This is important plot set-up. The plot thickens, et cetera. It'll make the Steve/Thor times all the more juicy.  
> • Of course there's more than meets the eye with the budget cuts. What will happen when people find out Thor's dad is in the middle of it! Oohoo! Exciting!

It was late the following Monday evening, (3:00 in the morning, so technically it was Tuesday morning), and Thor was awake. His medications sometimes would mess up his sleep schedule, so he was wide awake when he shouldn’t be, and falling asleep in the middle of the day. It had been just a few days of getting his prescription back on track, but like a mac-truck, the insomnia hit, and Thor was helpless against it. Loki, in an act of brotherly solidarity had woken up to keep Thor company, insisting that Thor at least try to use the time to do a little bit of homework. Loki puttered around to make himself some coffee with the fancy coffee machine he had bought specifically for Thor’s room — “No. No more,” he had said. “I will not drink that dining hall swill any longer. I’ve earned real coffee! I’m a neuropsychology grad student. Not some undeclared freshman!” — as Thor watched on, trying to figure out what he would be doing first.

They stretched and groaned in the room for a moment, while the coffee pot started gurgling, Thor’s mind running a little erratically, and Loki sloughing off the last bits of sleep, cracking his neck. 

“You can go back to sleep, I really won’t mind,” Thor said. Loki had dark circles under his eyes, and Thor felt the thrum of guilt in his stomach as Loki tried to stifle a yawn.

“Nonsense. I’ve some papers to grade. Might as well get started. No rest for the wicked and all that. I am going to go take a piss while the coffee brews though.”

He picked up Thor’s keys and headed down the hall to the bathroom. Thor opened the curtains and looked out at the night sky. It was still and dark, not even the tall redwoods were rustling as they usually did in even the slightest of breezes. He sighed and turned on his desk lamp, and walked over and turned on the nightstand lamp, switching off the bright, awful florescent lamp that flickered above, which was only on because it was the first thing Thor’s hand had hit blindly in the dark when he had woke. Now the light was a little less harsh, and kept him from getting too frantic with his thoughts.

The medications were helping, he thought. It was starting to feel like he was getting back on track after a weeks-long hiccup, but he was still lost in the fog a little bit. The insomnia did not help, but at least he could read his books and take notes a little bit better. At least now he sort of wanted to read his books and take notes. It felt like he was slowly starting to remember why he was here, and that was good. Except he was up at 3:00 in the morning, which was less good.He flashed back to something their mother always said, _nothing good happens after midnight, after supper, after 2:00AM._ It varied, but the idea was still the same. 

He settled down at his desk and started reading about a linguistics experiment as Loki stepped back in. Thor heard him toss the keys back down on the nightstand and shut the door behind him.

“Do you remember the email I sent you, Thor?” His voice was soft. Thor hummed not looking up from his book. “Thor. This is important.” Thor finally glanced up at Loki who was leaning against the door of room 301, looking a little bit too serious. _Nothing good happens after midnight…_

“What is it?”

“The email.”

“I didn’t read it. I wasn’t exactly feeling up to it, if you know what I mean.”

“Of course! Of course, it’s just— you do know I’ve been remotely monitoring our father’s computer, yes?”

 _No_ , he did not know that. “Why?”

“The man refused to tell me I was adopted for twenty years. I had to find out I wasn’t related when I couldn’t donate the organs that could have saved mom.” He tilted his head back against the door and let out a long breath. Thor looked away for a moment. There would never be a time when they could talk about their mother with ease. Loki spoke again; “Forgive me if I have some trust issues with the man.”

Thor found he did not actually mind Loki snooping on their father’s computer. If anyone deserved a bit of spying it was Bileyg. 

“Did you find anything interesting?”

“Oh lots of things. He’s sleeping with his secretaries.”

“Which one?”

“All three.”

Thor scoffed, _typical_. “That can’t be what you wanted to tell me.”

Loki’s voice dropped. He was already speaking very softly, as if at any moment someone might be eves-dropping even from through window three stories up, but now was barely above a whisper. “No. It’s about here; UCM. The provost here hired father’s company to help oversee some budget reforms.” Thor winced. Their father’s company would say things like ‘budget reforms’ when it really meant extreme downsizing with enough legal red-tape and paperwork to drown someone. “Bileyg Odinson and Provost Pierce have gotten rather chummy. But they’ve also been ruthless. Terribly so. The school will be changed because of it and not for the better, I fear.”

“Jesus. How bad is it?”

“Bad, Thor. Looking at the emails, I think there’s not a single department that isn’t getting cut in one way or another. Some programs are going to be completely erased. Graduating in four years is going to be a fairy tale. It’s going to affect you as well, that’s why I wanted to tell you.”

Loki pulled out his tablet from his bag and brought up a series of emails and handed it to Thor, who skimmed through trying to make sense of the numbers, and trying not to glare at the screen at the crass, heartless way Bileyg and Pierce communicated with each other. As if the things they planned were like throwing out the trash, rather than abandoning the education of thousands of students.

“Linguistics then?” _Linguistics? Classics? Every major on campus?_ He thought of Nat and Rhodes, then he thought of everyone else he had met in the few weeks he had been here. None of them deserved to lose their education. It was horrifying. He bit his lip trying to process the news and kept reading. “This is insane—“

 

They were interrupted by a sharp knock on the door. Thor started, and Loki jumped back from where he was leaning and looked at the closed door. The two of them stared at it, feeling like children with their hands in the cookie jar.

“It’s three in the morning,” Loki whispered, looking just a little bit more pale. “Who on earth?”

“I think it’s alright,” Thor replied. There was really only one person Thor knew who kept odd hours such as this. He stood to open the door and saw Nat standing there, and he let out a small sigh of relief that he had been right. He and Loki looked down at her from the doorway, and Thor realized for a moment that she was actually quite short. How had he not noticed before?

“Hello Nat,” Thor said.

“Thor, hey. Listen, I spoke to your brother earlier while you were in your Linguistics lab.” This was the first Thor had heard of this. He looked at Loki who shrugged and Thor rolled his eyes. “But I just really gotta make sure you get that you can’t be falling behind. If your midterms don’t go well it’s almost impossible to bring your grade up by the end of the quarter. I asked Steve just now and he said it’s better to just make sure you know.”

Thor’s heart gave a little blip at Steve’s name. Hopefully it did not show on his face.

“Is Steve up?” Thor asked, peering towards room 302 over Nat’s head.

“No, he’s sleeping on the press center couch with Bucky and Sam. There’s a special edition of the—“

“Thor needs to avoid stress,” interrupted Loki as if Thor was not standing there, and as if Loki had not just told Thor a very stressful secret.

“Thor needs to pass his classes,” replied Nat sharply. Loki squinted down at her. Thor could not remember someone talking to Loki that way, and had to bite back a laugh. “Flunking out is stressful,” she continued. “I’m willing to help him study, but it might be rough.”

“That would be good,” Thor said, cutting Loki off, seeing his brother start revving up for an argument. “I would love to study with you. Maybe tomorrow or Wednesday night?”

“Good, alright.”

“Were you going to wake him up to tell him that?” Loki asked as she started walking away.

“I knew you guys were up.”

“Why are _you_ up?” Loki asked cocking his head.

“Study session with Rhodes and the boys.”

“Drunk study session?” Thor asked with a grin.

She hummed, but did not actually reply. She walked down the hall to the stairs with a wave and in a moment was gone.

“I like her,” Loki said, eyes glinting a bit. “She’ll keep you focused.”

 

Thor nodded. He almost envied her. She did not know what he and Loki knew. He handed Loki his tablet back and ran his hands through his hair, before finding a scrunchie on his nightstand and tying it back up. He ran a hand over his face, catching on the rough stubble around his beard and sighed.

“Linguistics is actually alright, comparatively speaking.” Loki murmured as he tapped through the documents on his tablet. “It’s only getting a seven percent cut.”

“Seven percent?” _Where had Thor heard that number before?_ He wracked his brain trying to remember, and found himself walking over to his desk and riffling through all his orientation packets before he finally pulled out the papers specifically for Linguistics TA’s. He started reading through it, and his eyes fell on the information he wanted. He cursed softly. “They’re cutting the lab.”

“What?” Loki peered over Thor’s shoulder as he read.

“The Elephant Seal Linguistics Lab. It takes seven percent of the department’s budget to keep the electricity on in there.”

“And without electricity—“

“The lab is dead. The whole department is dead.”

“Lord.” It was Loki’s turn to sigh and rub a hand over his face.

“This feels like punishment.”

“That does sound like our father.”

The coffee pot beeped, reminding them of its presence, and Loki pulled out some mugs and poured them both a cup. Loki settled on the bed, and Thor sank back down in the chair.

“When are the cuts happening?” Thor asked.

“January.”

“We have to tell someone.”

“I agree. But whom do we tell?”

“I’ll think about it.” He was already running through names in his head, Professor Coulson maybe? He had the most at stake if he lost the lab. But everyone needed to know what was happening, everyone was affected. He wanted to shout it from the roof with a megaphone. He was angry. He had been so blank the past few weeks, but the first real emotion churning up in him now was just anger that this was happening.

“We can’t do anything until the morning. Try and catch up on your readings. It wouldn’t do to not at least be a little prepared for your study session with that tiny woman.”

“She is small, isn’t she?” Thor replied, trying to ignore the bile in his throat. Loki was pretending things were normal, and it was so far from it he could scream, but Thor would pretend along with him. Loki was much more collected that way. “I feel like I’ve just noticed.”

“Well everyone’s small compared to you.”

“I suppose so.”

“What time does the dining hall open?”

“6:00.”

“Well, study until you feel like sleeping, or until 6:00 rolls around. Which ever comes first.”

Thor read for a few hours, forcing himself to pay attention to Latin and Linguistics as if nothing were wrong, while Loki plodded through some essay corrections, inhaling cup after cup of coffee. It was dark outside until finally the sun started peaking out from beyond the horizon, filtering the world with a cool, grey-pink light. Through the window birds started waking up, and things started getting lighter. Loki finally checked his phone, and they both changed out of their pajamas, did their daily morning routines in the bathroom and went to breakfast.

Walking down the stairs, through the mini-quad and into the dining hall, they were both silent, Loki still nursing his mug of coffee. The lady who scanned Thor’s ID card to let them in looked as if she was about to tell Loki off for bringing in food from outside, but the glare on Loki’s face stopped that line of conversation instantly. Thor moved to grab some eggs, and Loki meandered to the corner with the cereal station. They found each other at their now-usual table, and Loki picked up a student newspaper from a pile that had been left on the end of the table next to him.

“Well shit, Thor.”

Thor looked up from his breakfast and Loki passed him a copy of the newspaper, while still reading his own, eyes wide for the first time since he woke up at 3:00 in the morning.

Thor read the headline, “School’s Out!” And underneath that, “Provost Pierce to Leave No Department Un-Cut!”

It was everything Loki and Thor had been discussing and then some. A wave of relief washed over him as he read. The news articles were almost aggressive; a violent calling out of the administration. He saw articles by Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes as well, and poured over them madly. It was brilliant to read.

“Oh. Look at the comic on the next page.”

Thor turned the page and saw the comic. A young man hunched over his desk, distraught. An elephant seal mascot on the ground by his feet. Books for the Pre-Med department on the shelf. Dark shadows surrounding him; the caption “There is nothing funny about this.” It was brilliantly on point. Thor could not help but stare at it.

And underneath was the artists signature; _Steve Rogers._

“My goodness, Thor. You look stunned. It’s just a comic. Your boyfriend is very talented.”

Thor smiled up at Loki, the first large smile he had in weeks, and let out a laugh. “If I wasn’t in love with Steve Rogers before, I sure as hell am now.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Beta Read? That's one of my new years resolutions... I'm not doing so good so far).
> 
> (I'm thinking of going through each of the chapters between this and the Steve POV to add links back and forth where the stories correspond. Does that seem like a good idea? Or am I just making busy-work for myself? Even if I am making busy-work, I'm still probably going to do it).


	15. The Speech

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor and the gang see Steve's speech on youtube.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • Steve's so cool and Thor's so in love.

Thor’s linguistics lab had been cancelled due to the news of the budget cuts. He and Loki had run into Professor Coulson as they walked by the Linguistics hall on the way back to Gauss, and he gestured them in as he spoke on the phone. There was a meeting for the Linguistics professors Coulson wrote on a notepad. He then Thor to give him his number so they could include him in the group text with any updates. The usually calm and jovial man looked surprisingly solid and soldierly; revving for a fight.

“Thor, you see this bullshit man?” Clint called out as Thor and Loki walked in from the stairwell into the third floor hallway.He, Bruce, Peggy and Pepper were standing by the open door of room 305, newspapers in hand.

“Tony’s been called to the Provost’s office,” Bruce said waving his phone. “I think they’re going to expel him.”

“What? Why?” Thor asked. “I thought this was just the newspaper people.” _Steve and his friends,_ Thor thought worriedly. _Could Steve be expelled for drawing a comic?_ “Tony’s the reason they got the info in the first place,” Bruce said. “He was hacking the school system. Why do you think he’s been so quiet? Or at least less explode-y?”

“Far be it from me to try and discern what is going on in Tony Stark’s mind,” Thor said. Though he realized, if he had been working at full capacity he would have probably been more concerned. Like Loki, Thor imagined that Tony Stark was someone you should worry about more when they get quiet than when they were loud. He let out a deep sigh, feeling the exhaustion from not sleeping the night before and the tension on the campus at the horrible news. He and Loki exchanged a brief look, conversation with mouth quirks and eyebrows alone. Would this set him off again? Back into the fog of depression he had only just started clawing himself from?

Bruce’s phone chimed, a low, single, echoing bell ringing into the hall. It would have been calming in any other circumstances, like something you would hear in a yoga class, Thor suspected. He did not know Bruce very well, but he seemed very focused on staying calm. This could not be doing anything for his nerves. “Okay, Tony says he’s in the Provost’s office with the faculty advisor for the newspaper and Sam Wilson.”

“Who’s that?” Peggy asked.

“Editor in Chief of the paper; Steve’s friend.” Thor supplied.

“What else did he say?” asked Pepper anxiously, eyes fiery. “Bruce, what else?”

“Nothing else! That’s it.”

“God fuck it, Tony!” Pepper cried out, startling everyone; she was usually much more contained. She threw her hands up in the air and scoffed, agitated more than worried. “If he gets fucking expelled, I’m going to kill him.”

“Are they an item?” Loki whispered to Thor. Thor shrugged. If she was this is the first he heard of it. He could not imagine two more different people though.

Silence fell. They stood in the hallway looking at the phone in Bruce’s hand. They were all mentally willing it to ring once more. Even Loki standing next to Thor seemed tense, even though it did not actually affect him in the slightest. Peggy and Pepper looked pale and Bruce’s face had a minor green, sick tinge. Clint was texting furiously on his own phone, glancing back every few seconds to Bruce, waiting for a reply from Tony. Thor felt himself grinding his teeth, a mantra repeating in his head; _Don’t expel Steve, please don’t expel Steve, please don’t expel Steve._ And hastily he would add, _And not Bucky, Sam or Tony either, but mostly Steve. Oh god Steve, Steve, please, please—_

It chimed again.

“They’re lawyering up,” Bruce said with a relieved sigh. “The firm his father’s company uses has agreed to help out the student newspaper kids and Tony. He’s on his way back now.”

With a collective sigh, they all relaxed. Bruce wordlessly opened the door to room 305 a little wider and gestured them all in. They settled around on the couch and the one bed that was on ground level and started pouring over the newspapers again in silence. Loki dug through Thor’s bag for the keys to his room, murmuring something about getting his computer, and left for a moment. Thor stared at the articles he had already read and tried to see if he could learn anything new. The extent to which Thor’s father’s plan would ravage the campus. It was a nightmare.

Nat meandered in, dropped off by Rhodes who then left to meet with the AFROTC group about the budget cuts. Her eyes were a little red, as if she had been crying, but Thor would never dare ask.

“They’re cutting Classics. All of it. The entire department.”

“Jesus.”

They fell silent. Even Clint, usually one to stick his foot in his mouth saying something dumb, was surprisingly tactful as he put a comforting hand on Nat’s shoulder as she sat on the couch next to Thor in silence with her computer on her lap, exchanging blurbs in a group chat box with the others in her department. Thor could see Volstagg occasionally typing in all caps, and bit back a sigh.

Then Tony came in. “Well, what a shitty welcoming committee.”

“Christ, Tony!” Pepper sprang up and tackled him into an uncharacteristically violent hug. He looked shocked for a moment before giving her a small pat on the back.

“It’s fine. Not expelled.”

Pepper pulled back and then shoved him violently into the door frame. “What the hell were you thinking, Tony?!”

“Please, Pepper. You know I never actually think.”

“What happens now?” Bruce asked. Thor was wondering the same thing. Looking at Tony, it was clear that the goateed man did not think this was over at all.

“Now, I’m supposed to stop reading the files and emails I extracted from the school servers, and pretend there is nothing wrong. So say my lawyers, but I’m not sure that’s the route I’ll be taking.”

“What does that mean?” Pepper asked, eyes flashing. “Of course you’re going to stop reading the files.”

“No, listen. There’s more there. More than I could get to the paper in time. Outside contractors were hired to implement the budget cut plan, but I can’t find any information about them. What I really want is to know how much the school paid them to hash out this deal.”

Loki coughed behind them, standing with his computer about to step back into the room. They all turned to look at him, and Thor could see the manic glint in his eye that usually spelled out trouble. Thor could not help but smile.

“Oh Mr. Stark,” said Loki said with a grin. “I think you and I are going to be fast friends.”

 

 

Thor sat with the paper next to Nat as his brother and Tony and the others kept chatting above them. Tony and Loki were exchanging information at a rapid pace; air-dropping files onto each other’s tablets and laptops faster than they could read them. Tony had one hand on his laptop and one texting people from the newspaper every time Loki revealed something else. Next to Thor, Nat kept typing away frantically, and occasionally Thor would lean over to read what she and the others were writing. Suddenly, her computer made a loud beep, making them both jump.

“What was that?” asked Thor.

“Google alert. I have one set up for everyone in the building. It says there’s a youtube video.”

“Of who?”

She clicked a few pages. “It’s Steve.”

“Really?” Thor’s stomach flipped a tiny bit. Nat shrugged and he watched as Nat opened the link and saw the title _Stay Angry UCM._

“Guys, I think you should come take a look at this.”

The others gathered around the couch and leaned down to see the video. Nat made it bigger and turned the volume up. 

There was Steve, standing in a science lab. There was none of the usual tension in his shoulders, and he was speaking loud and clear throughout the classroom.

_“The Editor in Chief, our Journalism Professor and the student who was responsible for the finding the emails about the cuts in the first place—“_

_“Tony Stark?”_ someone asked. The usual classroom rustling dimmed, and all was silent as Steve kept talking.

_“Yeah, Tony Stark. They had a meeting with Provost Pierce, who threatened to expel them. Tony called his lawyers who got Pierce to back off for now, but I don’t know what’s going to happen.”_

_“What do we do?”_ a student outside the frame asked.

On the screen Steve looked around at the students, eyes bright and steely. Thor had never seen him look so resolute. Thor watched in awe as Steve took a deep breath and started speaking once more;

_“I don’t know for sure. But what I’m doing is staying angry. I have given the last three years of my life to this place, and I thought it would work out. I was told that everything would work out. I was lied to, and so were all of you, if this goes through. You’ve read the paper by now, things are really bad. And if the administration has the audacity to- to- ugh- to do this to us in the first place I think they might try and keep at it, even now that we already know. The budget cuts still haven’t been cancelled. So stay angry! Stand up and scream it. Stay angry until it is guaranteed in writing that these changes will not be implemented. Demand that this not go through. Go to the admin buildings, refuse to pay tuition, do whatever it takes to keep the attention of the Provost and administration. Don’t let this happen. Stay angry.”_

The camera shook a little as whoever was recording turned it off as Steve started walking out of the classroom. Thor and the others stared at the screen in silence. Thor’s heart was pounding. It was damned inspiring. Even if he did not have a crush on Steve he felt like getting out and marching in the streets, and then finding the blond pre-med student and kissing him full on the mouth. Then Thor thought about kissing Steve on the mouth over and over again.

“Holy shit,” said Tony behind him. “I’m buying that man dinner.”

“Let’s watch it again!” Clint said.

Thor snuck a glance up at Loki, who grinned down at him conspiratorially before giving Thor a hearty pat on the shoulder as Nat started playing the video once more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Beta read, shmeta read)
> 
> (Stress relief chapter before I throw myself back into real world work. Oof. I wish I could devote more time to this, but alas! real life has me by the nips!)


	16. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Halloween at UCM, and Thor wears a toga for at least part of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • IDK why, but all of Thor's chapters seem choppy and not as good. I'm working on it! Thor's my fav. Why am I doing him such a disservice?  
> • Okay, but, the two characters who are assassin/spies in the real world would totally pick up on "stuff" in this world, right?

“What in god’s name is a ‘Bucky?’” Loki asked, holding Thor’s phone. “And why is it texting you about smoke machines?”

Thor looked up from his laptop the morning of Halloween. He was slowly catching up with some missed assignments from his — _“Brief break from functionality,”_ Loki called it tactfully one day — and was about to head down to the cafeteria for breakfast with Nat and Rhodes. Loki had stopped attending classes with Thor as he got his feet back under him. Thor had started dropping him off at the Humanities library where he would work for a few hours while Thor was in Latin and Advanced Semantics.

“Bucky Barnes is a friend. I don’t know why he’s talking about smoke machines,” Thor replied, hitting the ‘send assignment’ button on the linguistics webpage with a flourish.

“Lord, are you still in your pajamas? Get dressed.”

“What does it say?”

“It says, _‘Hey man, just letting you know that the Halloween party is going to have a haunted house. I know you’ve been a bit off and wanted to give you a heads-up in case that wasn’t your jam,’_ and he goes on describing smoke machines, and skeletons with glowing eyes. It all sounds a little gothic/Lovecraftian if you ask me. Also, as someone who does linguistics, I’m sure you can write whole essays on the way everyone talks around here too. _‘Hey man,’ ‘jam’_ Good lord. Shall I respond?”

“Yeah, tell him that it’ll be fine. It’ll be fun. And an essay on college dialect has probably already been done.”

“Very well.” Loki was tapping away on Thor’s phone while Thor pulled on his pants. The phone buzzed a moment later, vibrating in Loki’s hands. “Good lord, he types so fast. He says not to tell the others though. That should be easy enough.”

“Hmm. And you know Tony Stark has bought us costumes? The whole floor is going to be matching apparently.”

“I must say this is the easiest Halloween I’ve ever experienced. I’m really just along for the ride. Free party, free haunted house, free costumes. Even if we weren’t veering towards the top 1% of the country, I can’t complain. Though Stark’s roommate? Bruce? He already tried to pay me back for gas for driving everyone tonight.”

“You didn’t take the money, did you?” Thor asked, pulling on a shirt.

“Of course not. I told him to use it and buy himself a burger. He looks used up. Then he said he was a vegetarian. There’s no helping some people.”

Thor snorted and turned around to start packing his bag and Loki made a choked noise in the back of his throat.

“Let me see that shirt!” Loki laughed. Thor straightened up and pulled the shirt tight as Loki read the caption, then cackled “The UCM Cunning Linguists!” With a picture of Ellie the Elephant Seal in the linguistics lab sound-booth. “Oh my god. That is fantastic. Bileyg would hate it!”

“I know. It’s my favorite shirt.”

“Can you get me one?”

“Consider it done!”

 

 

They parted ways at the door to Guass House and Thor walked to the dining hall and Loki meandered down to the library with his cup of coffee. The air on campus was light with relief. The budget cut plan had been postponed indefinitely, and the entire student body and a good deal of the teachers felt it as though it had been, a personal victory, and in many ways it had been. After the newspaper revealed the plot, hundreds of students swarmed the admin offices threatening to pull their tuition money, drop classes, and drop out. The administration had no choice, but to relent. There had been a party for the linguistics department as well as the classics department when the email came through to each student only two days earlier.

Now, Halloween morning, it was brisk, but not cold, and sunlight streamed through the trees, making everything bright and clear.With a light heart, and steady mind, Thor stepped into the dining hall, and breathed easy. The lady swiping the cards at the entrance was dressed like a witch with a magnificent pointed hat bedecked in bats and roses and gave him a warm smile.

“Happy Halloween! And what are you dressed up as?” She asked kindly.

“Oh, I’m not dressing up until tonight. My friend is getting us all matching costumes.” He said, trying to fight down the tiny bubble of worry. He was still not actually sure what he was going to be dressing up as.

“Oh well, as long as you have fun!”

Thor looked around and saw that he was one of the few who wasn’t dressed up. He saw a few cheerleaders and football players, a very detailed robot, a gorilla, and a whole table filled with Hogwarts students. He walked straight to the hot food booth and got a pile of eggs, bacon and pancakes and turned to look for Nat and Rhodes in the throng of morning class students.

“Thor! Over here!” It sounded like James Rhodes, but was instead a man dressed in a toga and wearing sandals with wings on the heels.

“We got you covered. We knew you wouldn’t think to dress up.” said the woman next to him. It could have been Nat, but Nat did not have snakes in her hair and green skin. He laughed at their costumes as they stood up and spun around.

“You look fantastic!”

“Here,” said Nat. “Take off your shirt!”

“What?”

“Classics students go big for Halloween. And we always have myth or history themed costumes. I’m Medusa, Rhodes is Hermes.”

“And what do you plan for me?”

“Hercules!”

She all but pulled his shirt off, and started wrapping a bed-sheet around his chest. When she pinned that on, she pulled out some faux-leather armor and stuffed him into it, tying it on tight. She pulled out a shield and fake sword and handed it it to him.

“You’re going to need to take off your jeans.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Yeah man,” Rhodes added. “It kind of ruins the look. Besides, you’re basically covered. We’ll look the same.”

“I don’t know if—“

“Do it.” Nat’s tiny intense glare was frightening enough that Thor found himself wiggling out of his jeans, while trying to maintain coverage with the toga. The dining hall was not cold, but standing there in his underwear with only a toga skirt and leather armor to cover him, he felt very, very naked.

“I look ridiculous,” he said, slipping on the sandals that Nat had procured for him.

“Yes, but that’s what Halloween is all about.”

“You actually look pretty good,” Nat said. “What have you got to be self-conscious about anyway? You parade around the dorms in less.”

“That’s different.”

“No it’s not. Is it because it’s not accurate. It’s not accurate at all, but I’m pretty proud of my work. I’m crafty as hell! I didn’t even have your measurements!”

“You should have asked Tony. He came in and measured me and Loki and I still don’t know what we’re dressing up as tonight.” 

She hummed and then pulled out her phone and took a picture and Thor was finally allowed to sit down and eat his breakfast, yelping when his bare legs touched the cold bench beneath him, grateful at least he still had his boxer-briefs on.

“If you want accurate, Professor Heimdal won’t disappoint.” Rhodes said. “He makes his costumes using like, firsthand source materials and gets each stitch down exact. He’s been in the AIA journals a few times because of it.”

“Do you know what he’s dressing up as?”

“No idea. But we’ll see.”

They finished their breakfast, looking around at all the other students. Thor was fighting off exceptional self-consciousness despite everything. Nat had fixed up a nice costume, but he still felt rather naked with his legs and one arm completely exposed. It did not help that as they put their plates away, three sorority girls crashed into the cereal bar as they stared at him walking by. With a final wave to the lady swiping cards at the entrance — “I’m Hercules, apparently!” he told her as they walked by — they set off down the hill, through the trees and into their Latin classroom. Everyone was dressed up, and it was magnificent.

Finally the door opened, and in stepped Professor Heimdal, dressed as Caesar Augustus, complete with hand-dyed tyrian purple robes.

 

 

“You’re heading to Hahn Hall, right?” Nat asked when Latin was finished. Professor Heimdal never broke character, but for every correct answer he tossed out a fun-sized candy bar, so the air had a faint buzz of sugar rush that Thor had not really known since he was a kid. “I’ve got some paperwork I need to file in the admin offices there. Mind if I come with?”

“Of course not.”

They waved goodbye to Rhodes as he headed off to his next class, an astrophysics lab which sounded intimidatingly difficult to Thor, and started meandering down the wooded path, chatting about nothing in particular. A few more costumed people walked by them, a robot with a glowing orb in the center of his chest, the Power Rangers, a man in red, white and blue with a shield, another gorilla; Thor was very impressed. The two of them were both mostly excited about the party later that night, and Thor joked that he hoped the costumes Tony had gotten them were a little less exposed than these ones. Nat laughed, insisting he looked fine, but then her eyes caught on something at the end of the path, near Hahn Hall.

“Hey is that Steve?”

Thor’s stomach lurched. As Nat raised her hand to wave and call out to Steve across the courtyard, Thor did the only thing he could think of.

He tackled Nat into a bush.

“What the hell, Thor?”

“I—“ he gaped at her.

“Are you hiding from Steve?”

“No!”

“You are!”

“Only because you dressed me up in a toga!”

“You look fine! He’s seen you in less. You guys live across the hall from each other!”

“I look ridiculous! It’s a lovely costume, but I don’t want—“ the words died on his lips and he felt a deep flush rising under his beard. With horror he watched as Nat put the pieces together; he could see the tiny gears working in her brain as her eyes lit up.

“You’re embarrassed he’ll see you. And that’s because you like him! Oh my god! I knew it! I knew you liked him! I knew it!” She smacked him hard on the shoulder and pulled out her phone.

“What are you doing?! Stop! You can’t tell anyone!”

“I’m not telling anyone. I’m texting them.”

He grabbed the phone. “Stop, oh my god, stop!” _I am 26,_ he thought to himself. _How is this happening to me? I’m an adult. What happened?_

“Relax! Give me my phone”

“No! No relaxing! Not until you promise not to tell anyone. _Anyone_ , Nat! I’m deadly serious!”

“Relax. I’ve known about you guys for ages and I I haven’t spilled the beans yet.”

“There are no beans to spill!”

“Except you’ve got a crush on your RA! Oh my god, this is the cutest fucking thing. You are so cute! This is incredible! Massive 26-year-old Thor brought low by nervous, also weirdly massive, but not as big as you, pre-med Steve! Oh my god, I should write a book! I _could_ write a book! Ridiculous blondies in love!”

“Nat!”

“What?”

He gave a big sigh, “Please. Don’t do anything.”

Her face softened then. “Oh Thor. Don’t worry about it. I’m just teasing.” She popped her head over the bush. “It looks like the coast is clear.”

Thor stood, and helped her up, and they brushed dead leaves off of each other’s costumes and he gave her back her phone. Then, surprising both of them, Nat pulled Thor into a hug at the door to Hahn Hall, and then skipped down the path to the administration buildings with a wave.

 

 

The rest of the day passed without incident — well, not entirely without incident. Loki saw Thor’s costume when Thor went to grab him from the library and laughed so hard they were kicked out. As classes ended, the school started buzzing with anticipation for that night’s Halloween festivities.

“Gentlemen!” Tony announced himself, rapping his knuckles on the open door, carrying two large garment bags over his shoulder. “I have your costumes for tonights frivolities!”

He handed them over and Loki let out a low “excellent!” when they finally revealed the mystery costumes.

“Tony, those look really—“

“Amazing? I know!”

“Expensive,” Thor finished, eyes wide.

The costumes looked like they had come out of a museum. WWII bomber pilots jumpsuits with leather jackets and warm, white scarves. Inside the garment bag there was even a certificate of authenticity.

“Well, there is nothing that money can’t buy.”

“No need to tell us,” Loki said. “Would it do any good to insist on paying you back? Unlike the others I think Thor and I might actually be good for it.”

“Nah. Don’t even trip” — Loki’s eyes rolled back and he mouthed the word ‘ _trip_ ’ with only the smallest hint of exasperation — “It’s my treat.”

“Very well.”

He left Thor and Loki to get dressed with a quick invitation to come to the bathroom if they were interested; _all the other guys, Clint, Bruce,_ Steve _were going to be there._ Loki gracefully passed up the offer, as Thor sputtered at the idea of changing clothes right next to Steve — _“The bathroom is a little too small for all of us, don’t you think?”_ — and gave Thor a playful punch when he sighed with relief.

“You’re hopeless, Thor.”

“I might not even come out of the room if this looks as ridiculous as the Hercules costume did. You’ll have to go to the party without me.”

“Come on, you oaf. Get dressed!”

The bomber pilot costumes were not half bad. Thor pulled his hair back into a small bun and tucked it under the small cap. And the complete outfits certainly provided more coverage than the toga much to Thor’s relief. Thor hated to admit it, but he looked pretty good. They stepped out into the hall to the sound of the girls shrieking at their costumes and running over. Everyone was jostling around, a freshman took pictures of them on Nat’s phone, they all scampered to Loki’s car. But all Thor could focus on was the man in the Army dress uniform and coiffed hair. The uniform was tailored to perfection and Thor could not help but stare.

Steve looked incredible.

The night grew even better when Steve sat next to him in the backseat. Their thighs were pressed together the whole ride. Everyone was crammed together and there was no escape from the thick, warm leg pressing up against his own. Loki gave Thor teasing looks through the rearview mirror, and Nat whispered teasing things in Thor’s ears while Steve was distracted by Tony in the hatchback.

And even in the dark, the few times Thor spared a glance over to his right, Steve looked incredible.

 

The party was a huge success. Even knowing the haunted house was happening, Thor and Loki were still effectively scared witless. But the real triumph of the evening was that while they were running down the halls screaming, a warm hand took hold of Thor’s. Steve’s warm hand. Thor’s skin was still tingling later that evening at the thought that Steve had been holding his hand. He stared at his palm a little too long when Bucky sat down next to him on the couch, nudging his leg with his knee.

“Do you need another beer?”

“Nah, I’m not drinking tonight. Driving everyone back up.”

“How’re you doing? Better than before?”

“Yes, much. Great party by the way.”

“Yeah, it turned out pretty good.”

They both fell quiet. Nat and Peggy were having an arm wrestling contest, while Pepper and Bruce cheered them on. Loki and Tony took shots every time it looked like Peggy or Nat was about to finish off the game, but neither of the two women were ready to give up yet.

Bucky and Thor scanned the room, eventually turning to look over into to the kitchen where Sam and Steve were talking animatedly about something with Clint. Steve was loose and easy, beer in hand, laughing at Clint as he wildly gestured around the room. There was a faint flush on his cheeks from Thor grinned at the sight, and then, catching himself wiped the smile from his face and glanced at Bucky to see if he noticed. However it looked like Bucky was having the same school of thought and looked right at Thor, chagrined. After a heavy few moments they both let out low chuckles.

“Sorry, I’ve got it bad,” Bucky shook his head staring down at his legs. Thor let out a small sigh. Bucky was too embarrassed to notice that if anyone had it bad it was Thor.

Thor’s fraternal instincts took over, and he clapped Bucky on the shoulder warmly. “I know the feeling. But don’t worry. It’ll all work out.”

“Do you have any advice for dealing with a crush?”

“You wait and suffer. That’s all I know.”

“Sounds about right.”

Bucky tapped his beer on the rim of Thor’s cup of water and they sat back and kept watching Steve and Sam.

“Steve looks pretty good in that costume, doesn’t he?” Bucky asked after a moment right as Thor was taking a sip of water. Thor choked and sputtered. Before he could come up with a neutral reply Bucky said, “Listen pal, I’m a little drunk. All my filters are just plain turned off, you know? But let me tell you, I’m not doing this fucking crush thing alone. We wait and suffer together, alright?”

Thor nodded. “Alright.” He let out a low sigh. “Was I that obvious?” He asked at last as he calmed down. Two people finding out about his feelings for Steve in the same day was a little much.

“Yes. But like you said. It’ll all work out.” Bucky nudged Thor with his shoulder. “Come on, let’s go see what our guys are cackling about, huh?”

“Sure.”

_Our guys._ They walked over, and all Thor wanted to do was take Steve’s hand in his once more, because Steve looked incredible.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Beta read? When new AOU footage is coming out practically every hour? ARE YOU KIDDING ME I AM A MESS!!!)


	17. First Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor watches the clouds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • I want an AU of this AU where these assholes are already making out, this is so painful!  
> • Coulson is such a peach!

Thor sat in the tiny office near the linguistics lab reading over some papers Phil wanted him to correct. He gazed out the window looking out over the campus. Rugby players were mingling on the east field, small from this distance. Further still down the hill the town peaked out and beyond that the small strip of the ocean. Large, impressive clouds were rolling in from the sea. Bright rays of sun cut through the grey clouds, and shone down onto the waves of the Pacific and the small town.

“That storm doesn’t look too good,” said a voice behind him. Thor turned and saw Phil leaning against the doorframe, wearing a small smile that did not quite reach his eyes. “I betcha it’s gonna be First Rain tonight.”

“What’s First Rain?”

“School tradition. The first time it rains each school year the students all run around campus naked.”

“Naked?”

“Naked.” They stared at each other gravely. “Tradition is tradition,” he said at last.

“Sounds terrifying.”

“They usually don’t get into the dorms, so you’ll probably be safe.”

“Small blessings.”

“How’re those papers coming along?” Phil stepped in and glanced at the pile Thor had already corrected. “Not too much work?”

“Oh yeah, they’re fine. This is easy stuff. I mean, some of your students aren’t, you know, _smart._ ” Phil chuckled. “But they’re alright. They’ve got the right ideas, just they’re not very good at explaining themselves. Or they’re not interested in Linguistics, but that’s something I can’t help them with.”

“Good. Good to hear.” Phil looked out the window once more and glanced at the hall. He had his arms crossed and was tapping his elbow with his finger. He was distracted.

“You alright, Phil?”

Phil sighed and stepped back to the door, closing them both in Thor’s tiny office. “So Bileyg Odinson’s your father?” Thor’s stomach dropped as he stared at Phil. Alarm bells blared in his mind. He had wanted to keep this a secret; his terrible connection with a terrible man. his hatred of his father roiled in his stomach as he stared at Phil. “One of the meetings we had after the Budget Cut issue was resolved we all looked at some of the information. Odinson isn’t a very common last name.”

“Phil, I didn’t—“ _I wasn’t part of that. I’m not like him!_

“We were all so curious as to why the linguistics department was marked the way it was; the 7% cut specifically to the lab? That was very weirdly specific. We all thought so, but we could not figure out why.”

Thor swallowed. “It was because of me. My father—“

“Is a fucking asshole.” Thor blinked, thrown for a loop; the professor was usually so reserved. Phil shook his head. “Sorry; pardon my French. I just— he _targeted_ you. He attacked the whole school and then the one thing that would make it impossible for you to graduate. What kind of person does that?”

“You clearly don’t know my father,” Thor replied, slowly relaxing. He had been so certain his connection with his father would be enough to kick him out of the Linguistics department. His inner litany of curses against Bileyg faded back down to the usual hum in the back of his mind.

“And I have no desire to.” Phil sat down next to Thor. “Was that why you were so out of it these last few weeks? Did something happen? Did you know about the cuts beforehand?”

“No! No, it wasn’t like that. It was a bad dose of medication; threw me off. I mean, the budget cut stuff was a factor; it didn’t make things better, but I found out about it the same time as everyone else. My dad and I don’t—“ he sighed. “We don’t talk anymore. Not since I came here.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t be. My brother and I are better off away from him. It’s like you said. He’s a fucking asshole.”

“Toxic is probably a better word.” Thor shrugged up at Phill; _fucking asshole_ seemed pretty apt to him. “Are you doing okay? Do you have a place to stay for Thanksgiving and the winter break?”

“Yeah, my brother’s got an apartment in Berkeley. I’m living in the dorms now, but only because I accepted admission kind of late and couldn’t find a place in time.”

“Oof. The dorms are the worst. And you’re a little older too, surrounded by a bunch of kids. That’s gotta be torture.”

Thor thought of Guass House and the friends he had made. He thought of Steve across the hall. “It could be worse,” he said with a small smile.

“Well, I’ll make you and your brother a pie for Thanksgiving. And really, if you need anything, even just someone to talk to, you let me know.”

“Thank you, Phil,” Thor said, surprised. “Really, that means a lot.”

“You’re a good TA, a good Linguist. We’re happy to have you. We watch out for our own here, Thor, in the department and at UCM. You’re part of the team.”

_Part of the team._ Thor smiled. “Thank you,” he said again.

* * *

Dusk was falling as Thor stepped out from Guass house to stand in the doorway. The storm clouds that had been churning over the ocean had now made their way over the school. The November sky was beautifully raw. The dark, grey clouds were pierced by patches of white and orange from the setting sun. It was going to rain soon, Thor could feel it in the air.

The jingle of keys shook him from him from this thoughts. He turned to see Steve walking up to the door, backpack hanging off one shoulder and jacket collar turned up against the cold, not quite hiding his neck. Thor smiled to himself, looking back up at the clouds to keep Steve from noticing.

“Hey, lock yourself out?” Steve asked as he grew closer.

“Nah, I was just taking a look outside. I’ve got to study with Nat, and wanted some fresh air before going in her dorm.” It was the truth, but Thor winced a little, thinking he should have said something smoother; should have finagled a way into Steve’s dorm to— _to do what?_ Thor could have been happy spending the whole night just talking to Steve and nothing else if only to be able to see the skin of Steve’s neck peaking out from under his collar just a little while longer. Thor bit his lip and looked towards the sky instead.

“It does look cool, doesn’t it?” Steve said, moving to stand next to Thor.

“It really does,” Thor replied, sparing one more glance at Steve before looking up at the sky above. They stood, hands in their pockets side by side. Thunder boomed from far away and they glanced at each other grinning before turning to look back at the ever-darkening clouds. A drop of rain hit the pavement in front of them just beyond the doorway awning. Thor could almost feel the moisture in the air on his skin, his face, his toes sticking out from his flip-flops. The rain started slowly, growing ever faster until it was falling in earnest in front of them, a low, comforting haze of noise.

Steve shivered next to him, and Thor did something stupid.

“You cold?” He asked Steve. “Give me your hands.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

But then, miraculously, Steve pulled his hands from his pockets. Thor very gently took them in his, feeling the cold skin beneath his fingers, and slowly rubbing his palms across the backs of Steve’s hands. He never wanted to let go.

“Loki and I would so this when we were in Iceland,” Thor said, just shy of desperately. It was almost true. Loki and Thor had been at the peak of their teenage years in Iceland; impatient and snappy and full of sibling rivalry more often than not. The one time Thor did what he was about to do was when Loki had fallen into a freezing river when they were hiking in autumn and it was all Thor could do to try and keep him warm. Thor distinctly remembered Loki calling him a beer-breath ape between chattering teeth.

But it was different now as he lifted Steve’s hands to his mouth, and let out a puff of hot air against Steve’s fingers. He was so close, he could just kiss Steve’s hands right now, he could just close the centimeters distance; it took all of his power not too.

He faced Steve, his hands still in his own, and met Steve’s sea-blue eyes. Thor was certain he would have gasped if he was not trying so desperately to stay calm. He smiled at Steve, their faces barely inches away from each other. Thor was imaging it, of course, but part of him thought that maybe Steve was leaning forward towards him. Thor’s heart clenched in his chest as he—

“Whoohoo! First rain!”

They turned at once towards the sound. The chanting of hundreds of students across campus made their way to their ears. Thor sighed; the moment was over.

“What is that?” Thor asked to break the silence between them, knowing full-well what was happening; naked students darting by in the rain. There was only one person Thor wanted to see naked and— _No, stop that,_ he told himself. _Chill out._

“First Rain.” Steve said. Thor’s brow furrowed at Steve’s small frown, but he would not allow himself the pleasure of thinking Steve might have been upset at the interruption too. “Each year when it rains for the first time students will strip naked and run through the campus. It’s a… tradition.”

“Ah,” Thor sighed. “Will they run through here?”

“Yeah. It’s not pretty.”

Thor sighed again, all too aware of how close he and Steve were standing. Thor hated himself just a little bit as he felt his nerve dissipating. “I should probably go study,” he said, resigned.

“Yeah, I should too.”

Neither of them moved. Steve’s hands were still a little cold in Thor’s, but it was not as bad as before; it was Halloween all over again, fingers intertwined, palm to palm. Thor was never going to let go. He could not tell who pulled away first but in the space of a breath their hands went from being together to down at their sides. Thor was screaming in his mind; they were so close if he could just—

The door banged open and they both jumped and turned to see Bruce stepping up zipping up his raincoat. “Hey guys, you going in?”

“Yeah…” Steve said. “Yeah.”

They walked through the door and up the stairs silently. Steve was about to go up to the third floor, back to their hall, his room, when Thor stopped. _You’re studying with Nat,_ a small voice in his mind told him. _You better act like it; don’t follow him like a puppy._  

“I’m going to Nat’s. I’ll see ya later, man.” Thor rubbed the back of his neck and with a small wave left Steve on the stairs.

It took everything in Thor’s power not to stop, not to run up the stairs after Steve, to run his hands through Steve’s hair, pushing him against the wall of the hallway, pressing his lips against the stretch of skin peaking out from Steve’s collar. All he wanted to do was— _what?_ He wanted Steve, sure, but more than that he wanted Steve _to want him_. He was not going to just ravish the poor, (probably very, very straight) boy in the hall. Thor sighed and found he was already standing in front of Nat’s door, and knocked, shaking any thoughts of ravishment away as Nat opened the door, a frown on her face.

The other Latin students were sitting around on the floor of Nat’s room with snacks and drinks.

“Are you kidding me?” Rhodes said. “What are you doing here?” Thor frowned. “We were all watching from the window! We thought you were going to go make out with him!”

Thor groaned, staring at the ceiling. “Fuck,” he whispered softly. “You saw that?”

“It was like a Disney movie. What are you still doing here? Go away. Make out with that guy!” Volstagg said.

“I’m here to study,” Thor said dejectedly. “I didn’t think he wanted—“

“He wanted!” Nat said, patting him on the back. “Oh my god, Thor. You are so fucking dumb.”

He leaned down — quite far down, she was very tiny — and rested his head on her shoulder in the crook of her neck, groaning once more. “I’ve got it so bad.”

She patted him again. “Yeah, dumbass. You really do.”

The others laughed and gave him some candy as he sat down they began studying. Occasionally Thor would glance out the window and look at the dark storm clouds and sigh. If he thought about it too long, he was certain his fingers were still tingling from holding Steve’s hands.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Beta Reading is the mindkiller...)
> 
> (oh my gosh, I'm working on a thousand different projects including a biggo sequel to one of my other fics that'll hopefully be up around mid-June, but I needed a college AU shaped break, because my mind is screaming! I'm just hoping I still am able to write Thor and Steve's personalities in this AU versus what I'm working on for my other fic! If it's completely weird, I'm sorry!)
> 
> (also, [tumblr!](http://batraquomancy.tumblr.com) if you're interested...)


	18. Blondie Bakers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor meets Dr. Erskine and plays a round of M.A.S.H.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • F-f-f-f-iller chapter!  
> • I just love everyone teasing Thor about Steve. It gives me life.  
> • I literally had no idea what I was doing with this chapter as I was writing it, and I still kind of don't but enjoy it, I suppose. I'm revving up for the next chapter but needed to get this one out for the sake of continuity/the connection between the two POV's. This is such a weird project, you have no idea.  
> • Also, I want you all to know that I literally had to play M.A.S.H. with myself in order to figure out how to get the answers I wanted for this fic.

Dr. Erskine, according to Loki, was part medical doctor, part neuropsychologist and part professor. 

“Just an all around good guy to be keeping an eye on you and your meds,” Loki had said over the phone the day before. “I spoke with him and he seems very competent. His papers are very good too. I actually read a few of them for an assignment and just did not make the connection. But he really does know his stuff.”

“Yeah, but if he’s a jerk it’s not like I’m gonna want to be visiting him, is it?”

“He seemed very un-jerk-like. But if you don’t like him, we’ll find someone else.” Thor could practically hear Loki smirking at him through the phone. “Besides, he works with your Steve. He can’t be all bad.”

“Stop using Steve against me,” Thor said, rolling his eyes, stomach flipping at the words _your Steve._ “I’m a good person, I’ve done nothing wrong. You’re mean. You never teased me this badly about Jane.”

“Because Jane would kick my ass.”

“And Steve won’t?”

Loki laughed on the other end. “No! Are you insane? He’s almost as much of a puppy as you are. Anyway, tell me what you think of Dr. Erskine when you’re done.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Now, Thor stuck his hands in his pockets to keep from fidgeting as he stood in front of Dr. Erskine’s desk. He was completely thrown, just moments ago Steve was walking out of the office. Thor thought he could still feel where Steve had bumped into him, radiating out from his chest. But that was ridiculous, and Steve did not seem to have any desire to linger, so all Thor could do was watch him leave — cursing himself for enjoying the view just a tiny bit, because he was an adult, and that was ridiculous — and try to gather his wits about him for this meeting.

Thor had wondered if he would have to lie on a couch. He had been lucky enough to avoid such measures with his last doctor.

“Please, Mr. Odinson, do sit,” Dr. Erskine said gesturing, thankfully to a pair of chairs and not to the small couch by the window. Thor pulled his messenger bag off his shoulders and set it down by his feet as he sat.

“Call me Thor, please.”

“Of course.” He leaned back with a small smile. “So I hear you had a bad trip, huh?”

Thor blinked, then snorted. “Yeah, I guess you could call it that.”

“Well, I know it was much worse, but I did not want to put you on the spot. I got the details from your brother.”

“Well, I ‘preciate it.”

“So, since this is a preliminary meeting, can we talk about what we want to get out of this?”

“I don’t even know what this could be. I’m not sure I need the weekly talks like I had with my old doctor. I was doing fine on the meds until I got the bad dosage. My issues are pretty much worked through at this point.”

“I agree. So perhaps instead of talking about issues, we talk just to talk. A place for you to vent or just talk about school, life; a way for me to keep a watch out in case your medication is not acting the way it should. Does this sound agreeable?”

“Sounds good, actually. I was worried you’d have me on a couch talking about my childhood.”

“Please, we can refrain from this. So, today what do we talk about? Tell me about you.”

Thor went on to talk about the first half of the first quarter — “Well,” said Dr. Erskine. “Closer to the first three-quarters of your first school quarter here. We are on a ten-week quarter system, which is ridiculous in my opinion. It goes by fast. We only have November and first week of December, then finals, then we’re done with fall quarter!” which was terrifying to Thor — And some of the things that had happened, both relating to his medication and otherwise. Then they spoke about the classes he was taking, and his professors and the people he had met. They talked about Guass House, and all the weird things that had happened there.

“And you live there with Steve, yes?”

“Yeah, he lives in the room across the hall from me.”

“I’m glad he’s nearby. He’s a good cookie.”

“He works too hard,” Thor said, before realizing that as Steve’s faculty advisor, a lot of the work he was doing was for Dr. Erskine. “Sorry, I just meant—“

“No, no you’re right. He is a very hard worker.”

“I was kind of worried about him when I first met him,” Thor admitted. “It sucks a little, he finally seemed to start relaxing when all the budget cut stuff was happening.”

“He lost his goal then. He would not have been able to graduate in time, the pressure was off. An odd turn of events.”

“And I heard he’s fast-tracking?”

“Yes, he’s very dedicated.” Thor bit his lip and looked down at the floor for a minute. “You are worried still, hmm?”

“Yeah, maybe a little.”

“Well, I am too. But with both of us at his back, I’m sure he’ll be just fine.”

“Yeah, fingers crossed.”

They chatted for a little longer, and then Dr. Erskine confirmed the types of medication Thor was taking, and they arranged to meet at the same time next week. It was easy. Thor picked up his bag and started to head out of the office. It was late afternoon, and the November wind was picking up a little bit. He started thinking about what assignments he had left to work on, and if he had time to pop into the linguistics office as he walked through the door.

“Thor?” Dr. Erskine called out.

“Yeah?”

“About Steve—“ he sighed. “He has a lot on his mind right now. Winter and Spring quarter he’s going to be doing his thesis and exit exams. These are very important to him.” He paused, looking for the right words. “I wonder if perhaps— hmm— a _relationship_ might not be in his best interest. He worries, and that would be another thing to worry about. It might not be too good for you either.”

Thor blinked, mouth falling open. “Oh. Umm… I wasn’t—“

Dr. Erskine gave Thor a small smile. “This is just what I think. From what I see with you two earlier. Perhaps you have a different opinion?”

“Umm. I didn’t actually think that— what did you see?“ Thor tried to gather his wits about him. He was not entirely sure he was not dreaming the exchange. How many doctors talked about the potential relationship between their patient and their students? “I mean, he’s not— Steve isn’t—” _interested,_ his brain supplied. _Yeah, Steve is definitely not interested._

“Well he certainly doesn’t make eyes at me like he did at you.”

Thor could feel a blush forming under his beard. “Umm, what—“

Dr. Erskine laughed. “Never mind. Forget I said anything. Just in general, neither of you might be in good relationship place right now? Yes? But life is mysterious. Perhaps this the best time to have a relationship?”

“Maybe?”

“Bah, you’re young. You’ll figure it out. Forget about it.”

“Okay.” Thor stared at Dr. Erskine before shaking his head and heading out of the office and into the hallway. “Right… okay.” He started walking towards the stairs, before turning around. “Dr. Erskine?”

“Yes?”

A small voice was telling him that he was twenty-six and he had better things to do than worry about this sort of thing. That did not stop him from from dropping his voice and rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to nonchalantly ask; “He made eyes at me?”

Dr. Erskine laughed and waved him off. “I’ll see you next week.”

* * *

Thor walked through the campus back to Guass House, still trying to parse out what Dr. Erskine had told him. He should have been thinking about his medications, what he wanted to gain from seeing him once a week, but instead was thinking about Steve. He cursed himself for being so pathetic.

He had put in his headphones and was listening to Mumford and Sons. Loki had downloaded one of their albums onto his phone and harangued him to listen to it for days until Thor finally got around to it. The November wind was sharp against his skin and he zipped his sweatshirt up as he walked; the nice, but somewhat overwrought acoustic soundtrack keeping him from feeling too cold. He liked the lyrics more than the twang, he decided, but he thought that might have been his linguistics oriented brain acting up. That the music was about waiting for a true love did not slip Thor’s mind either. He shook his head, cursing himself once more; he was an adult, he would not let sappy music get the better of him.

Thor panted his way up Cardiac Hill and up the stairs of Guass House. He walked through the hall when a voice called out to him. “Thor, get in here!”

He pulled out his earphones peaked into room 304 and saw Peggy, Pepper and Nat sitting in a cluster on Peggy’s bed with a clipboard and dozens of gel pens. A small, but powerful space heater oscillated back and forth, making the room cozy and inviting.

“We’re playing M.A.S.H.! It’s your turn.”

“What’s M.A.S.H.?” he asked trying not to be intimidated by the gel pens. There were a lot of them. Thor did not even think that many colors existed, let alone in pen form.

“You don’t know M.A.S.H.?! Oh my god! This is gonna be great!” said Pepper. “It’s a game. It stands for mansion, apartment, shack, house. You find out your future!”

“Oh really?” Thor asked, leaning against the doorframe. 

“We called it M.A.S.H.O. when I was young. The O stood for ‘outhouse.’” Peggy said.

“That’s grim.”

“I was in England for a chunk of my childhood. They’re a dark people.”

Thor snorted. Pepper shook a plastic tub of cookies at him, and with a sigh he took his bag off of his shoulder and set it down on the floor before toeing off his shoes and sitting on Peggy’s bed along with them. Pepper passed the tub of cookies to him, and he took one gladly, settling in against the wall and giving them a small wave to proceed.

“Okay, first we need four types of car.” Pepper said.

“Monster Truck, a Toyota Corolla, Jaguar and a CBWW,” Nat said easily.

“CBWW?” asked Thor.

“Cardboard box with wheels.”

“That’s not—“

“Okay!” Pepper interrupted. “Next is occupation! Give me four.”

“Linguistics professor!” Thor said quickly before Nat or Peggy could stop him, catching on to the rules of the game.

“Right. Three more.”

“Garbage man, baker aaannnndddd—” Nat struggled with the last one and gave Thor a funny smirk. “Male model.” Pepper and Peggy snorted at that.

“Perfect, last one! Four spouses.”

“Spouses?” Thor asked.

“Oh my god!” Nat yelled. “Okay! Steve, Steve, Steve, and Steve!”

“Nat, what the hell?” Thor said as the girls giggled at him. His face was turning hot under his beard, and she patted him on the back.

“Fine! Tony, Bruce, Steve, Clint. Guys on the floor. That works right?”

“Oh my god.” Thor groaned and sat back against the wall, covering his bright pink face. “I have homework. I should go.”

“No way!” said Pepper. “Okay. Now I’m going to draw a spiral. You tell me when to stop.”

“What does the spiral do?”

“It gives you the magic number.”

“What is the magic number.”

“Just tell me when to stop.”

“Stop,” Thor mumbled, not sure if he was talking about Pepper’s spiral or the whole game. He slumped over on the bed and hid his face in Peggy’s shoulder with a groan. Peggy patted him gently on the head with a soft chuckle.

“I haven’t started.”

“Oh my god.”

“Okay. It’s going.”

Thor waited a moment before saying, “Okay, stop now.”

She determined that the magic number was six, and started to count around the options on the page. Thor heard her murmuring as she went, the other two looking on, nodding occasionally, like mad scientists waiting for important results.

“Okay. You are a baker. You drive a Jaguar. You live in a shack. And you’re married to Steve.”

“Yes!” Natasha hissed, as Thor’s stomach flipped in his abdomen.

“This is not happening,” he mumbled.

“Your future is so cute!”

“Oh my god, you could be the Blondie Bakers!”

The girls screamed very loudly. Thor groaned once more and took Peggy’s pillow and covered his head as he flopped down onto the bed. “I’m an adult,” he said to no one in particular. His face was burning hot. “Why do bad things happen to good people? What have I done to deserve this?” The girls laughed. Something made its under the pillow and touched his mouth. It was a cookie. Thor took a bite from it. “Thank you,” he called out from underneath the dark pillow through a mouthful of cookie.

Someone patted him on the shoulder. “Relax old man,” Nat said. “It’s just a game. We already knew you were going to marry Steve. This just confirms it.”

“Nat, I distinctly remember you said you’d keep this a secret.”

“Have you met Peggy and Pepper? They know everything. I didn’t even have to tell them.”

“This has been such a weird day. First my psychologist talks to me about Steve and now you. How is this even possible?”

“Your psychologist? That seems like a breach of medical ethics or something.” Pepper said. Thor sat up and was granted another cookie.

“Does everyone know?”

“The boys don’t,” Peggy said. “The 305 boys, I mean. And Steve doesn’t know, don’t worry.” A small thrill of relief ran through Thor. “There’s just something about being twenty-one, male and dumber than dirt. Impossible to avoid.”

“As someone who once was a twenty-one year-old male, I can confirm.”

“But he’s totally into you.”

“We’re not talking about this,” Thor said.

“Whatever. You know we’re right,” Nat replied.

Thor reached for another cookie in lieu of responding.

“You wanna go to the dining hall with us and grab dinner?” Peggy asked.

Thor checked his phone; it was dinner time. “Will you promise not to talk about Steve and tease me mercilessly?”

“No,” she laughed. They pushed Thor off the bed and he pulled his shoes on as they headed out from the dorm. They knocked on room 305 and gathered the boys, including Steve oddly enough, who was there talking with Tony about something. They all went down to the dining hall in a clump. Thor and Steve smiled at each other across the table a few times. Every time it happened Nat kicked him.

“So Steve, do you like baking?” Pepper asked innocently.

“Yeah, it’s fun.”

“What about you, Thor?”

He met Steve’s eyes and they smiled at each other once more, though Steve probably did not know why. _Blondie Bakers,_ he could practically see the words written on Peggy, Pepper and Nat’s eyelids when they blinked, staring entranced waiting for him to respond. “Yeah, I like baking.”

Nat kicked him again, just for fun this time as the girls muffled their squeals. He smiled down at his plate to keep from smiling at Steve; not even feeling the bruises forming on his shins.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (beta read? I played m.a.s.h. for you guys, what more do you want from me???)
> 
> Also, I'm on [tumblr](http://batraquomancy.tumblr.com)! Feel free to say hi and hear me freak out about my other writing projects and my foray into online dating (there's an Australian involved... not nearly as hot as Hemsworth though). Hopefully updates for this series will be a bit more regular as I finished my big 140K+ word thundershield


	19. Word Vomit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor can't stop talking, and Steve has a really bad night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • Hey, this is Thor's POV of Steve's panic attack, just in case panic attacks aren't your thing.  
> • Enjoy the not so subtle Mean Girls reference. In a perfect world every chapter would have a Mean Girls reference. Hell, every piece of literature.

Thor finished his shower and was walking back to his room with a yawn, bundled up in his sweatshirt and pajama pants, trying to make his hair dry faster with mental willpower alone. November in Monterey was not terrible; it certainly was no November in Iceland, but it was still cold. He had left his space heater on in his room so it would be warm when he got back from his shower, enormously grateful he had splurged for one of the higher end ones. He had seen some of the freshman at the end of the hall carrying one that looked older than they were, and he had visions of it shorting out the whole dorm.

“Man, looks like I just missed you,” a voice from the other end of the hall said. It was Steve and Thor beamed at him. Thor could not help but beam at him every time he saw him. It was pavlovian at this point. It was becoming a problem.

“I’ve been itching for another shower singing session,” Steve continued.

Thor’s tongue tripped over his words, “Uh, bummer man,” he finally replied, already wishing he could pull the words back, desperate to stop himself from talking at all. _Word vomit,_ that was something in one of the movies the girls had him watch one night. He did not think of it then, but now it was all too real. _Stop talking, Thor. Just stop._ “Hit me up tomorrow if you want. We can shower together.” His heart stopped for a moment when he realized the implication. “That came out wrong!” he said trying to stay calm. _Stop, Thor. For the love of god!_ “I meant—“

“Yeah, no worries. I got it.”

Steve’s cheeks were turning pink, and Thor could feel a blush rising on his own under his beard as well.

“Sorry,” he said. He tried to laugh it off.

“But yeah, tomorrow?” Steve said. “Let’s do it.”

A flutter of something passed through Thor’s stomach as he regarded Steve. “Yeah?” he asked hopefully. _Stop, Thor. You idiot!_

“Sure. Just knock when you wanna go.”

Thor could not help but grin at Steve again. He was careful enough not to say something foolish like “ _It’s a date,”_ but it was a close call. And there was a thrill of excitement running through his veins as they waved at each other and left. He spared one last look at Steve’s back as he stepped down the few stairs and turned the corner to the bathrooms.

A warm gust of air hit him as he opened his dorm and he settled in at his desk to finish an essay, grabbing his space heater and turning it towards his bed for when he finally decided to go to sleep.

If someone had asked him as a teen if he would have been happy in a cramped dorm, thinking a space heater was a decadent, perfect luxury, he would have laughed. In all the places he lived there were large rooms, heated floors, silk sheets. But here he was happy. It was real, and quirky and filled with people and even with his unexpected lapse in balanced brain chemicals due to a bad dosage of medication, he was so damned happy.

He felt ridiculous as he tried to school the smile from his face. He knew he would be happy here studying linguistics and meeting the Guass House kids and the Classics students. Having Steve here was something else; better than everything. A bonus. A bonus that left his cheeks aching under his beard.

He was shaken from his thoughts at the sound of the building fire alarm going off, jerking him up to his feet in an instant. He snatched up his keys, cell phone and wallet and stepped from the room. Peggy and Pepper were heading towards him in their pajamas and grabbed his arm to pull him along as they hurried to the back steps. As he walked behind them he thought he heard Steve in the hall directing people to the mini-quad.

“What do you think it is?” Pepper asked voice bouncing off the echo-y walls of the stairwell.

“Probably just a false alarm,” replied Peggy. “What rubbish.”

“You gonna be alright Thor?” asked Pepper as she pushed open the door into the night. A blast of November chill hit them and they all gasped, wrapping their arms around themselves. “Your hair’s wet,” she added. “And this might be a while.”

“I’ll live,” Thor replied with a small smile as they met up with Tony and Clint — Bruce was apparently in a lab and missing all the action.

“Christ,” said Peggy. “Can’t say the same thing about Steve.” They all turned to where Peggy was looking and saw Steve following Nat over to one of the men stepping out of the fire trucks. He was in nothing but his briefs, shivering and holding his hand in front of his mouth; puffs of air fogging unhappily in front of his face. Was he wet? He had been heading to the shower, Thor remembered, stomach dropping. He must be in agony. 

Tony wolf-whistled; “Looking good Stevie!” Pepper thankfully punched him in the shoulder so Thor did not have to.

The others chatted in a clump, but Thor was focused on Steve. Mostly because Steve was not _focused_. His eyes were glassing over, staring at the ground at Nat’s feet while she spoke with the firemen and gave them the keyring for the building. When they were gone, Steve was still not better, still not responding. All it took was seeing Nat ask, “You okay?” for Thor to stride — not run, running was for emergencies and this was not that, _please don’t let it be that_ — over to the two of them.

“You alright Steve?”

“Y-y-yeah. F-f-ine.”

But he was not. His breath was coming fast and shallow and his eyes were unseeing. The others had realized something was wrong and were murmuring around them.

“Steve you gotta slow down your breathing,”

“Christ,” Clint said. “His lips are blue.”

“Steve?” Thor asked. “Steve?”

He looked ready to vomit, still not getting air.

Thor hastily took off his sweatshirt and got behind Steve, draping the sweatshirt over his chest and pulling him into his own chest. He was ready for Steve to fight out against him and carefully, so carefully, eased himself and Steve down to the ground. Running his hands up and down Steve’s arms, hoping it help.

“Fuck, his skin is like ice.”

From this close he could hear Steve whimpering softly, probably not even realizing he was doing it. Thor’s heart ached in his chest at the sound. He knew this feeling, he knew the way his chest was turning into a vice grip inside of him, and he was almost angry because Steve deserved better.

“Shh, Steve it’s alright. You’re alright. I got you.”

“Thor you got this okay?

“Something to put over his legs would be good.”

“What’s going on?”

“Steve’s freaking out.”

“Did he set the fire?”

“He’s not freaking out, I think he’s having a panic attack. I think the cold set it off.”

Panic attack — he used to scoff at the words until he was on the wrong side of them, they were impossible and entirely unfair and he would have cursed loudly if Steve were not shivering in his arms. Steve did not deserve this.

Pepper reasonably said, “Tony, put your sweatshirt on his legs.”

“But Pep—“

“Just do it.”

All the while Thor was murmuring to Steve, hoping it was helping; “I got you, it’s alright.” _It was not alright._ “We’ll go inside soon. We’ll warm up soon.” _Not soon enough. What was taking them so long?_ “It’s alright, it’s alright, I got you, I got you.”

The others were talking above him, and one of the firemen offered to take Steve to the student health center. Thor almost took them up on the offer but something shifted in Steve underneath his hands. He started to glance around at the legs clustered around him and Thor.

Nat knelt down gently in front of him. He wondered if dealing with panic attacks was something RA’s were trained in because she seemed to have the requisite levels of calm; he was inordinately grateful.“Hey there, Steve,” she said. “Are you feeling better?”

“I’m fine.”

She rolled her eyes glancing at Thor. “Sure you are. Thank god Thor knew what to do, huh?”

“Thor?” he asked.

“Right here, man.” Thor replied, trying to keep his voice steady. “Feeling alright?”

He was expecting Steve to tense up, jumping to his feet and scrambling away from Thor. He had done the same thing once, twice, each time this had happened to him. It did not make it any less awful. The wide-eyed panic in Steve’s eyes tugged in Thor’s chest.

“Shit. I’m sorry. Shit!”

“It’s alright,” Thor replied, standing up. Steve was taking deep breaths, eyes darting about, impossibly looking both sallow and pale and flushed and embarrassed. He clutched the sweatshirt tightly in his hands like he was going to rip it in two. “You’re still keyed up, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong.” A bitter gust of wind cut through the mini-quad. Thor fought against the urge to pull Steve back into his arms. It was foolish; Steve was almost as tall as Thor was, and perfectly capable, but the urge was there all the same. “Here, put the sweatshirt on and we can go back inside and calm down, okay?”

Thankfully Steve acquiesced and the others started filing back into the building while the fireman finished up with Nat. He was still frozen though, staring at Thor like a dear caught in the headlights.

“You doing a little better?”

“I’m fine,” Steve said quickly. His face was a bright red. He was anything but fine.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll believe that. Come on, let’s get you warm. God save me from stubborn ass boys.”

He stepped forward and when Steve did not flinch, he put his arm over his shoulder and pulled him in close. “You’re as bad as Loki,” he said without thinking.

He cursed silently. _Don’t compare the man you have a crush on to your younger brother. That’s not weird at all, Thor._

Thor was surprised Steve was letting him walk Steve up the stairs. He did not want to let go of Steve, but he imagined Steve would be peeling away as soon as he could, antsy and jittery like he could be sometimes. But he did not. Thor wondered at it for a moment when they arrived at his door. He pulled out his key and herded Steve inside, nodding towards the bed, grateful the other man decided to sit instead of put up a fight.

He looked through his dresser for some spare clothes and turned over his shoulder to see Steve’s eyes closing as he sat quietly on the bed, only to watch him jerk himself awake.

“Crashing?” Thor asked. “That happens sometimes after…”

He nodded at Thor, slouching a little where he sat. He looked very tired. “How do you know so much about panic attacks?”

“My mother died and we found out Loki was adopted within 24 hours of each other. It left us both a little fucked up. Panic attacks were the least of our problems.”

He could feel Steve staring at him as he turned back to the dresser quickly. He was not even thinking, he just blurted it out.

“Jesus, Thor. I had no idea. I’m—“

“Shit, I shouldn’t have said that.” It was Thor’s turn to blush. _What was wrong with him?_ His foot had been in his mouth all evening. He could not remember ever being so awkward. “I guess I’m a little keyed up too, my filter’s off.”

“Why would you be keyed up?”

“Here.” Thor handed Steve some fresh clothes, hoping it was enough to change the subject.

“Thor?”

“Do you want some socks?” Thor asked desperately. _Please don’t make me talk about it._

Steve nodded and thankfully the subject was finally dropped. A miracle.

“You can chill here for as long as you need,” Thor offered because his mother raised him right, despite everything his father had done to screw him up. “Being alone after a panic attack sucks.”

“I’m really fine, I can leave if you want.”

Thor thought that might be a good idea, if only for his sanity’s sake. But then he glanced over at Steve and almost laughed at the way the other man was practically sinking into the bed, eyes already drooping. He thought Steve might not even make it to his room, if he was being honest with himself. “I really don’t mind you staying here.”

“I might just fall asleep if you’re not careful.”

“Just leave enough room for me to get in later and we’ll be fine.”

Thor was ready to scream. Alarm bells ringing in his ears. How could he say something so stupid? He was almost reaching out in front of him to pull the words back into his mouth but it was too late. He stared at Steve who was staring right back at him. Then, of all the miraculous things to happen, Steve nodded.

“I wouldn’t mind that,” he said.

Me neither,” Thor replied, forcing himself to breathe before doing so. “I just need to finish this essay. Get some rest. Put on the sweats, you need to warm up.”

“Yeah, yeah okay.”

Thor had never been more grateful for an essay in his life. He sat down at the computer and tried to turn back into a human. He typed a little, but was not writing anything of consequence, and knew he would be rewriting everything tomorrow. But now, anything that distracted him from the notion that Steve was changing clothes mere feet away in his cramped dorm room, that Steve was wearing Thor’s clothes and Thor’s favorite shirt, that Steve was sleeping in Thor’s bed. In any other situation this would mean something entirely different.

He stared at his computer screen. There was nothing for it, he was not even sure he was writing his essay in English anymore. He had to get into bed. He shut his laptop and turned off the desk lamp, throwing them into darkness, save for the moon and streetlights hazing in vaguely through the window and the small nightlight he kept near the door. The room was warm from the space heater. As he awkwardly knelt on the bed, ready to sleep on top of the blanket, Steve shuffled a little and lifted the covers. It was a clumsy, childlike move and Thor could not help but smile.

Steve was _young_. Thor always forgot because it seemed like Steve never let his guard down. And he always worked so damned hard. Part of Thor felt like he was seeing Steve for the first time at this very moment, curled up on his side in Thor’s bed. He was relaxing into the pillow and his face was soft in the filtered glow of the night. Thor settled in a few inches behind Steve, embarrassingly happy to simply to regard the line of Steve’s back, watch the way his body shifted minutely settling deeper into the bed, see the way his shoulders rose and fell with his even breaths.

In any other world, this would be perfect. Thor would press in, they would be together, he would hold him close. Laying here now Thor realized how much he wanted _that_. Something simple and easy with Steve.

So when Steve’s body was suddenly pressed against his chest, Thor thought perhaps he had slipped forward without thinking, but no— he knew he hadn’t. Steve had slid back into him. Against his chest Steve grew tense, and Thor tensed as well.

 _He just had a panic attack_ , Thor told himself rationally. _He’s just freaked out, it doesn’t mean anything._  

Thor gently wrapped his arm around Steve’s waist and they both relaxed into one another. Thor could do this. He could be there for Steve if Steve needed him. _It doesn’t mean anything. He just needs a friend._

Steve was warming up against his chest, and Thor felt terribly selfish. This was what he wanted, always, and he would never have it again. He pulled into Steve just a little tighter and with a small sigh, let himself have this one moment in time. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Beta read, I barely can regular read!)
> 
> Oh my gosh guys, I AM SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATE THIS IN OVER A MONTH. There is no excuse, I just got to a really bad headspace, and this chapter ended up being inexplicably, really hard to write, (so much that I started working on a different new fic). Again, super sorry. I'm not a good fic-mom. And I know I keep saying I'm going to try and update more regularly, but every time I say that it ends up being a lie, so I'm not going to say that and hope for the best.
> 
> And finally! We are now at the point where the chapters on Thor's POV story are matched up with Steve's POV! So you know what that means, right? ALTERNATING UPDATES (hopefully, we'll see how it goes). I'm very worried because I did not know quite how the boys were going to react the morning after this scene, and I think it's gonna be not good. Gird your loins.
> 
> Thanks for reading, again sorry for the sparse updates. I love you all. *blows kisses*
> 
> (BTW, I'm Betsy, I'm actually three multi-legged gremlins wearing a human suit and sometimes I [tumbl](http://batraquomancy.tumblr.com) if that's your thing).


	20. Cut Grass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning goes terribly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • Thor, buddy, this morning could've gone so much better.  
> • I wrote this and the corresponding Steve POV chapter in the same day (today, in fact! I churned them both out in a few hours, I'm very proud of the sudden productivity). As such, they are very, very parallel in both structure and content. This won't happen often, but I think it turned out really cool.

Thor had woken up several times that night, always certain Steve was about to jump out of the bed and scamper back to his own room, but the other man slept peacefully in his arms. Thor’s medication was still throwing him into small bouts of insomnia from time to time. Usually he tried to get some work done or read a book; sometimes he just played on the internet or binged on Netflix for a few hours. But none of those were an option tonight. At some point in the night Steve had managed to pull Thor’s bottom arm under him in his sleep and was using it as a pillow, burrowing down under the covers and taking Thor’s whole arm with him into the depths, holding it close. Steve was not small, and he was surprisingly strong even in sleep. Thor was well and truly trapped. Not that he minded. He loved seeing Steve like this. He thought Steve should be this way all the time; peaceful, at ease, comfortable. Thor could do little but lie steady behind Steve and simply breathe him in. There was also something about Steve wearing Thor’s clothes —Thor’s favorite t-shirt — that made the deep, inner caveman in Thor extremely content.

His nose was buried in the hair on top Steve’s head. He was a little musky, and Thor remembered that Steve never actually got to take his shower, but did not mind. Thor thought he smelled a little like cut grass in the sun; fresh and simple, but that was probably just the insomnia fatigue talking. He was never so foolish when he was awake during the day.

He dozed off and on, waking occasionally to see the back of Steve’s head poking out from under the covers or feel it pushing up against his chin. Steve was like a cat, nuzzling, constantly seeking out body heat.

He imagined in the morning they would wake up easily together; slowly coming back to the real world. In his perfect daydreams he thought that perhaps Steve would turn around in his arms and easily press his lips to Thor’s. He stopped thinking that way when the image shifted from Steve pressing his lips to Thor’s, to Steve’s mouth trailing down from his mouth to his neck and down his abdomen until—

He stopped himself. That was not the kind of image he needed when he had a body pressed flush against him. There was no telling what kind of reaction that would garner.

He hoped things would not be awkward when Steve woke up, but imagined that they probably would be. Thor would say something foolish and stick his foot in his mouth and they would break apart in the hall and go back to their normal lives as if nothing had changed. He figured that was the worst case scenario. The best case scenario was things being relatively easy between them; they could head down to the dining hall together in their pajamas, eat some breakfast together and Thor would try his best not to stare at Steve’s lips, and it would be alright.

Of all the possibilities, however, Thor had not expected Steve to scream upon waking, scramble from his arms and send Thor flying off the bed. He tried to gain purchase but it was too late, and Thor crashed down, hitting his head on the nightstand painfully hard as he went.

He heard Steve curse from his bed but barely registered it as he clutched the back of his head and groaned. “Jesus…”

Steve was saying something, but Thor wasn’t hearing it. He did not think he had a concussion, but he could not be too sure. There was movement at the corner of his eyes and he saw Steve trying to untangle himself from his bedding.

“Shit. I should go.”

Before Thor could think, Steve was stepping over Thor and all but running out the door. Thor groaned one last time before standing up and following him out into the hall.

“Steve, slow down, it’s alright.”

Steve was hovering outside of his door, and Thor remembered the night before; Steve did not have any of his stuff. “I’m fine, I just—“

Thor leaned into his room and grabbed his own keys, handing them out to Steve. “Here.”

Thor watched Steve for a moment as he fumbled with the doorknob, finally getting the door to room 302 open. He stood awkwardly in the doorway before finally handing Thor his key back. “Thanks,” he mumbled.

“Listen, I’ve been there. You’re still freaked out from last night.” That was the only explanation, Thor reasoned. True, his own panic attacks did not last into the next morning, but everyone was different. “Maybe this was a good thing.”

“Wait. What?” Steve blinked over at Thor.

“Well, you work too hard, Steve.” Thor said slowly, trying to keep his voice steady. This was just a friend talking to another friend. At this moment it did not actually matter that Thor liked Steve more than that. “You had a panic attack. That’s your brain saying you need to stop for a little bit and take care of yourself.”

_This is me saying you need to stop and take care of yourself._

Thor had no idea where the conversation was going to go, still not certain he wasn’t concussed, but he never could have imagined the line of Steve’s shoulders going tense, and his look turning just a little bit sharper.

“I don’t work too hard.”

Thor tried not to look surprised. “You do. You’re running yourself ragged.”

“Excuse me?” Thor wished he could take this whole morning back if only so he would not ever have had to see _that_ look on Steve’s face. “I’m not running myself ragged.”

“You are,” Thor replied. _Can’t you see it?_ He did not understand where Steve’s defensiveness was coming from. “Everyone says it. You know I’m right about this.”

Steve’s voice grew louder. “You’re not right about this.” Thor watched as the others in the hall peaked their heads out, watching Steve and Thor square off. “I’m fine!”

Thor thought he might scream. “You had a panic attack!”

“Because it was cold!”

“That’s not enough! You’re a med student, you ought to know better!”

“Oh, and you’re the expert?”

“Obviously I get what’s going on with you better than you!”

“What the hell is your problem?!”

“Are you kidding me right now? I was just saying you had a wakeup call and now you’re jumping down my throat!”

Why was Thor yelling? He had no idea. It felt like a valve was being released inside of him. He could not stop picturing Steve hyperventilating on the cold grass of the mini-quad last night. Now that he thought about it again, a wave of his own panic rose up inside his chest and he wanted to yell at Steve even louder. There was no rationality to it, none whatsoever. Thor could only feel the pound of worry in his head; could only feel the intense urge to take Steve and shake him, take Steve and hold him until Steve stopped working and fighting so hard. He could see in the way Steve held himself that the other man was just barely holding back tears and it killed Thor. He was so angry and so sad and could not believe he was arguing so stupidly with the man he had fallen in—

“Get off my case! It’s none of your business how hard I work at school.”

“I can’t just stand by while you—“

“I’m doing my fucking best, Thor! Not all of us are fucking one-percenters like you. I _have_ to work this hard! Don’t you get that?!”

“Where the fuck did that come from? I’m just saying—“

“To hell with what you’re saying!” Steve screamed. “Where do you get off—“

“Why are you acting so fucking stupid?!”

“Don’t fucking call me ‘stupid!”

They kept screaming, hurling insults, without any rhyme or reason, close enough that Thor could feel Steve’s breath on his skin. And part of Thor knew he should stop this, should leave Steve be, but he couldn’t. Steve had to know he was hurting himself; it was for his own good. Deep down he could see how upset Steve was, and it was all his fault. Why had he opened his stupid mouth? Why couldn’t he stop now? Thor screamed about Steve working too hard, _couldn’t he see, couldn’t he see it?_ and Steve screamed back at Thor to mind his own business, and Steve was so right about that. Really, what business _did_ Thor have bringing this up? They were both so angry. It was screaming for screaming’s sake now. As logical as a temper tantrum, and this morning they both hit their limit, violently, suddenly and at the same time. All Thor knew was that he had a hard time thinking straight, staying grounded when he was with Steve on a good day, and right now he was not even on the same planet.

Steve looked tired. He had slept so deeply last night, but it clearly was not enough. He had dark circles under his eyes, and Thor wanted to rub them away and make it better. After he stopped screaming like a mad man of course. He marveled at his brain for thinking something so gentle about Steve while he screamed obscenities and insults at the man instead.

“God fucking save me from pigheaded shits like you!” Thor screamed.

“At least I can get through a quarter without a fucking psychotic breakdown like you!”

Thor froze. For a moment he and Steve stared at each other in horror. A line had been crossed, and Thor felt a little sick to his stomach. He could see Steve instantly regret saying the words. The words had hurt but only a little; more than anything Thor felt worse for Steve in that moment. _Of all the stupid things._ Steve was clearly as out of control as Thor; almost begging for conflict, something deep within him driving him that he had no power over.

“Fuck you, man,” was all Thor could bring himself to say, more shocked than hurt.

“Enough!”

Nat was standing between him and Steve. Her acting as a barrier and giving Thor a chance to look away made him finally take a breath he had not known he was denying himself. Her small hand on his chest was grounding and he let himself be pushed back.

“Steve, your shit is in my room, go downstairs and wait by the door for me,” Nat said firmly.

“But—“ Steve tried to argue and in any other world Thor would have laughed. No one was stupid enough to argue with Nat. She glared at him and he finally huffed out a soft, “Fine.”

“Peggy, Pepper, can you take Thor down to the dining hall and get some breakfast,” Nat asked the girls.

“I don’t think he’s that fucking hungry,” Tony quipped.

“Don’t talk to her that way, what’s wrong with you!?” Thor screamed, feeling his blood start to boil once more. At the same time, Steve shouted “Don’t take that fucking tone with her!”

“Steve, go,” Nat said. “Thor, take the girls and just walk it off, okay?”

Thor spared one last look down the hall and met Steve’s eyes. They were both glaring, and finally Thor scoffed and walked down to the back stairs, feeling Peggy and Pepper at his back. The distant sound of Nat talking to the rest of the floor hit his ears as he and the others walked in silence.

“Show’s over, go back to what you were doing.”

 

The moment the cold November air hit his face at the door at foot of the stairs Thor realized the gravity of the situation. He spun back to look at Peggy and Pepper. Lesser woman might have jumped back when a giant, frantic, blond man spun into their personal space, but they held their ground.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Thor,” Pepper said.

“Arguments happen,” added Peggy.

“Come on, let’s get you some food. You’ll feel better.”

He allowed himself to be led into the dining hall. The girls sat him down and shut down his weak protest as they went to get him a plate of food. He held his head in his hands, body still buzzing from the argument. He brushed against the back of his skull and hissed. It was badly bruised from the knock he took earlier. He gingerly poked it and instantly regretted it, feeling the pain radiate through him brutally.

“Steve didn’t do that did he?” Peggy asked, sitting back down and sliding a full plate of breakfast in front of him.

“No, well, yes. But no, it was an accident.”

“What was he doing in your room that caused you to get accidental knocks on the noggin?” Pepper asked with a sly grin, sipping her coffee.

“Nothing untoward, Miss Potts,” Thor replied. “Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“You were a gentleman, then?”

“Up until I implied he was working too hard and that’s what caused him to have a panic attack.”

“Well, he is working too hard,” Peggy said easily.

“And he did have a panic attack,” added Pepper. Thor groaned and stared at the plate of food in front of him. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Thor. Fights happen, neither of you had coffee. It fucks you up.”

“I shouldn’t’ve pushed it. I’m older, I should’ve stayed calm.”

“Well, this sort of thing happens,” Peggy said. “We’re all fools in love.”

Thor blinked at her, “Pardon?”

“The quote seemed applicable.” Thor kept staring. “What? you’re close. We all do stupid things with people we’re close to. Just the other day Pepper and I weren’t on speaking terms and we live in the same room.”

“You stole my charging cable.”

“Borrowed.”

“I had to do a presentation! My computer died halfway through.”

“And I apologized, and together we made peace and moved forward.”

“If I fail ConLaw because of you, you’re taking it with me next quarter.”

“You see, Thor. We’re doing fine.”

He looked up across the table at the two women beaming at him.

“So what do you suggest?”

“Apologize.”

“Even if he’s in the wrong,” Pepper added. “Be the bigger man I suppose.”

“You make it sound very easy.”

“It is very easy. This isn’t high school,” Peggy said. “Now eat your pancakes.”

Thor sighed and started working on the food. He would start to feel better than think of the horrible things he had yelled at Steve. He would think of the way Steve looked, tense and angry at Thor. And worse, he would think of the way Steve felt tucked into his chest like he was made to fit there. That made him feel the worst. He sighed and poked at the pancakes, not feeling at all hungry.

“God, you’re really torn up about this, aren’t you?” Pepper asked after a moment. Thor shrugged. “Are you okay? We didn’t even think to ask.”

“I’ll be fine,” Thor replied.

“Want to talk about it?”

He shook his head. “It’s alright. I just—“ he tried to find the right words. He felt a deep pang of remorse; Steve smelled like cut grass. He would probably never get close enough to smell it again. “I just didn’t think the morning would go in this direction. That’s all. I’ll talk to him when we get back to Guass.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (beta read? beta fish)
> 
> So I reached the point where my Steve and Thor POV stories are at the same point in their respective chapter-counts, so I'm going to start alternating updates between the two of them. It'll be fun! And today is great! Two chapters up at the same time! A rare (read; never to happen again) treat. *blows kisses*
> 
> (Also, I don't know why, but I keep writing Thor in a much more sexual way... like, it's not explicit, but his thoughts go that direction more often than not. Maybe demisexual Steve is what's going on here? I'll figure it out. Has anyone else noticed me doing this? Am I just being weird?)
> 
> Oh my god, I keep giving these guys ample opportunity to kiss and then tearing it apart. I think there's something deeply wrong with me.
> 
> I'm Betsy. [tumblr](http://batraquomancy.tumblr.com) takes up a lot of my life, and man do I love oreos!


End file.
